Kentucky mom wanting to move to MO

[zosina21]

What is the name of your state? Kentucky

I am in the midst of a diovrce that is quite nasty. I have been going through this divorce since I was pregnant. We separated when I was three months along and then got back together when I was 6 months. I decided that it was in the best interest of our daughter due to all the arguments and other issues that we get divorced when she was a month old. We have been separated and going through a divorce since January of 2007. He ended up requested a paternity test at which time the judge requested his attorney call and get information. A month went by and nothing had been done by either my attorney or his attorney. I called and got the paternity test rolling. He didn't get to see his daughter till May of 2007 due to this and then there wasn't child support until August of 2007. So far I have been dealing with him being very nasty towards me and his girlfriend being nasty. He tries to start fights when picking her up from my home, his girlfriend calls me a gold digger, he complains about child support all time time, it is a never ending story. My attorney says that I can't do anything about it is this true? Isn't there anything I can do? At this point I think my attorney hasn't been doing everything he can for me. My soon to be ex says he is going to tell our daughter all about how I got pregnant on purpose and how bad of a mom I am. I am currently dating a man that I am wishing to marry in the future. I want to be able to move to MO. I am not wanting to keep my ex from seeing his daughter by any means in fact I have mentioned working with him on an alternate visitation schedule where he could have her one weekend a month and then a month during the summer, spring break week and a week on winter vacation. I think this is more than fair but he is very controlling and says he will stop me from moving. He called tonight and left a voice mail on my phone cussing me out because 2 weeks ago he cancelled his weekend (which he has only wanted to see our daughter on Saturday) because he was too tired. Then on Easter weekend which was my weekend I compromised with him and he got to spend time with her on Saturday as he wished. Now he calls and cancells this weekend assuming that he will get her next Saturday. I informed him that I have plans and he will have to wait 2 weeks till his next weekend. He said that he pays child support and that I can't stop him from seeing his daughter. I don't know what to do or what I can do???? I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. My attorney doesn't get a hold of me and I have paid my attorney over 3000 dollars and at this point I feel for nothing. Should I get another attorney? Is there anyting that can be done to stop this? Do you think I have a shot of being able to move to MO? I would greatly appreciate any advice please.

 

[2Mistakes]

What are your reasons for wanting to move to MO?

 

[CourtClerk]

What are your reasons for wanting to move to MO?

See below:

I am currently dating a man that I am wishing to marry in the future. I want to be able to move to MO.

 

[2Mistakes]

Yeah, I kinda figured that, CC.

But I wanted to give OP the benefit of the doubt, and maybe say that the air is better in MO.

 

[CourtClerk]

Yeah, I kinda figured that, CC.

But I wanted to give OP the benefit of the doubt, and maybe say that the air is better in MO.

Didn't someone say they wanted to move to another state because of the "fine arts?" I personally think maybe the BBQ would be better in MO. Maybe the horses cuter.

Oh wait... now it'll be because of better employment and schools.

 

[2Mistakes]

Didn't someone say they wanted to move to another state because of the "fine arts?" I personally think maybe the BBQ would be better in MO. Maybe the horses cuter.

Oh wait... now it'll be because of better employment and schools.

LOL, Yes, I believe the poster you are referring to was saying something alone the lines of the arts being finer in WI than where they lived in MI, or something like that.

I was referring to a different poster who tried to say they wanted to move b/c the air was better where they wanted to go, so there would be fewer health problems for everyone.

Of course, later in the thread, it came out that new bed warmer lived in the other state, and THAT was the real reason for the move.

 

[CJane]

Didn't someone say they wanted to move to another state because of the "fine arts?" I personally think maybe the BBQ would be better in MO. Maybe the horses cuter.

Oh wait... now it'll be because of better employment and schools.

Well, I can say with complete certainty that the BBQ is better in MO... but Kentucky wins on the horseflesh question.

Kentucky wins on cost of living too.

And weather.

Loses on education.

Scenic splendor is a toss-up.

 

[NSA4answers]

moving out of sate

I may get bashed endlessly for this but hey whatever....

I don't understand why a parent moving out of state is so horrendous? I understand that moving just to keep the other parent away from the child is not right but who says that's the intention of the parent wanting to move. And moving to a different state to be with someone whom you are married too/love etc. doesn't sound to me like it's "out to get the other parent" either. People who are married with kids move all the time because one parent or the other obtains a job somewhere else, likes the weather better, wants to get away from in laws ... We don't ever see anyone complain about the schools being better for the child where they lived before... or uprooting the child's life. etc etc.

I ask this genuinely. This isn't a slam I just don't understand why parents who want to or have moved to another state get so much grief on this board. I'm sure different parenting schedules can be worked out so that NCP still has parenting time with the child.

I ask partly because someday I would like to move out of the state I live in. I've dated a man who at some point in the next few years wanted to move to another state. The discussion of where our relationship was going was brought up as a result of this. I always feel like yes, I would like to move to another state, but ex would never let that happen. My intentions for wanting to move out of the state are not malicious, I've wanted to since before ex and I split. It was even discussed. Partly because yes, there is better opportunity for my education and field in other states, and yeah, partly because I simply just hate the snow, and apparently it does that a lot here in Co. I had my children in my early 20's and stayed in Co. because my family and support system are here, but now that I'm more of an adult, this may be where I was raised, but there's other places I'd like to live, and raise my family. It's not fair (and yes I know life isn't always fair, I'm not whining, just saying) that I should have to base where I live on what my ex says and have his permission or approval to move. It makes me feel just as controlled and manipulated as I was when we were together and that was the biggest reason I left, to get out from under his controlling thumb

I guess I just have to keep hoping that he'll move out of state first.

 

[Ohiogal]

I may get bashed endlessly for this but hey whatever....

I don't understand why a parent moving out of state is so horrendous? I understand that moving just to keep the other parent away from the child is not right but who says that's the intention of the parent wanting to move. And moving to a different state to be with someone whom you are married too/love etc. doesn't sound to me like it's "out to get the other parent" either.

The two most important people to a child: mom and dad. Not mom's new lover. Not the new school principal. NO ONE but mom and dad. Those are the two people that the court wants to make sure have a relationship with the child. Not the inlaws, outlaws, aunts, uncles, cousins.

People who are married with kids move all the time because one parent or the other obtains a job somewhere else, likes the weather better, wants to get away from in laws ... We don't ever see anyone complain about the schools being better for the child where they lived before... or uprooting the child's life. etc etc.

Because people who are married with kids are moving together with THEIR kids. And hence both have a relationship with the children and the court is NOT involved. Once the court becomes involved with custody matters, the court REMAINS involved.

I ask this genuinely. This isn't a slam I just don't understand why parents who want to or have moved to another state get so much grief on this board. I'm sure different parenting schedules can be worked out so that NCP still has parenting time with the child.

So the CP gets to dictate everything to the other parent basically -- including how far said other parent gets to live from the child even when it is the CP's choice to move?

I ask partly because someday I would like to move out of the state I live in. I've dated a man who at some point in the next few years wanted to move to another state. The discussion of where our relationship was going was brought up as a result of this. I always feel like yes, I would like to move to another state, but ex would never let that happen.

YOU can move. Whether child moves is up to the courts.

My intentions for wanting to move out of the state are not malicious, I've wanted to since before ex and I split. It was even discussed. Partly because yes, there is better opportunity for my education and field in other states, and yeah, partly because I simply just hate the snow, and apparently it does that a lot here in Co. I had my children in my early 20's and stayed in Co. because my family and support system are here, but now that I'm more of an adult, this may be where I was raised, but there's other places I'd like to live, and raise my family.

And the children are your ex's family as well. HE is allowed a say so.

It's not fair (and yes I know life isn't always fair, I'm not whining, just saying) that I should have to base where I live on what my ex says and have his permission or approval to move.

You don't need his permission to move. His permission to move HIS children is what is at issue. You need the court's permission if he does not approve.

It makes me feel just as controlled and manipulated as I was when we were together and that was the biggest reason I left, to get out from under his controlling thumb

Nope. YOu can move anywhere. It is the CHILDREN that are not allowed to move without dad's or the court's permission.

 

[stealth2]

I may get bashed endlessly for this but hey whatever....

I don't understand why a parent moving out of state is so horrendous? I understand that moving just to keep the other parent away from the child is not right but who says that's the intention of the parent wanting to move. And moving to a different state to be with someone whom you are married too/love etc. doesn't sound to me like it's "out to get the other parent" either. People who are married with kids move all the time because one parent or the other obtains a job somewhere else, likes the weather better, wants to get away from in laws ... We don't ever see anyone complain about the schools being better for the child where they lived before... or uprooting the child's life. etc etc.

I ask this genuinely. This isn't a slam I just don't understand why parents who want to or have moved to another state get so much grief on this board. I'm sure different parenting schedules can be worked out so that NCP still has parenting time with the child.

I ask partly because someday I would like to move out of the state I live in. I've dated a man who at some point in the next few years wanted to move to another state. The discussion of where our relationship was going was brought up as a result of this. I always feel like yes, I would like to move to another state, but ex would never let that happen. My intentions for wanting to move out of the state are not malicious, I've wanted to since before ex and I split. It was even discussed. Partly because yes, there is better opportunity for my education and field in other states, and yeah, partly because I simply just hate the snow, and apparently it does that a lot here in Co. I had my children in my early 20's and stayed in Co. because my family and support system are here, but now that I'm more of an adult, this may be where I was raised, but there's other places I'd like to live, and raise my family. It's not fair (and yes I know life isn't always fair, I'm not whining, just saying) that I should have to base where I live on what my ex says and have his permission or approval to move. It makes me feel just as controlled and manipulated as I was when we were together and that was the biggest reason I left, to get out from under his controlling thumb

I guess I just have to keep hoping that he'll move out of state first.

Well.... how would YOU like to be the parent who lives states away from your kids 'cause their other parent decided to move away for a new bed warmer?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Kentucky

I am in the midst of a diovrce that is quite nasty. I have been going through this divorce since I was pregnant. We separated when I was three months along and then got back together when I was 6 months. I decided that it was in the best interest of our daughter due to all the arguments and other issues that we get divorced when she was a month old. We have been separated and going through a divorce since January of 2007. He ended up requested a paternity test at which time the judge requested his attorney call and get information. A month went by and nothing had been done by either my attorney or his attorney. I called and got the paternity test rolling. He didn't get to see his daughter till May of 2007 due to this and then there wasn't child support until August of 2007. So far I have been dealing with him being very nasty towards me and his girlfriend being nasty. He tries to start fights when picking her up from my home, his girlfriend calls me a gold digger, he complains about child support all time time, it is a never ending story. My attorney says that I can't do anything about it is this true? Isn't there anything I can do? At this point I think my attorney hasn't been doing everything he can for me. My soon to be ex says he is going to tell our daughter all about how I got pregnant on purpose and how bad of a mom I am. I am currently dating a man that I am wishing to marry in the future. I want to be able to move to MO. I am not wanting to keep my ex from seeing his daughter by any means in fact I have mentioned working with him on an alternate visitation schedule where he could have her one weekend a month and then a month during the summer, spring break week and a week on winter vacation. I think this is more than fair but he is very controlling and says he will stop me from moving. He called tonight and left a voice mail on my phone cussing me out because 2 weeks ago he cancelled his weekend (which he has only wanted to see our daughter on Saturday) because he was too tired. Then on Easter weekend which was my weekend I compromised with him and he got to spend time with her on Saturday as he wished. Now he calls and cancells this weekend assuming that he will get her next Saturday. I informed him that I have plans and he will have to wait 2 weeks till his next weekend. He said that he pays child support and that I can't stop him from seeing his daughter. I don't know what to do or what I can do???? I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. My attorney doesn't get a hold of me and I have paid my attorney over 3000 dollars and at this point I feel for nothing. Should I get another attorney? Is there anyting that can be done to stop this? Do you think I have a shot of being able to move to MO? I would greatly appreciate any advice please.

As far as moving is concerned, unless you have either the permission of your ex, or the permission of the judge to move with the child, its not going to happen.

However, as far as the visitation schedule is concerned, he doesn't get to change it at his whim. He can't choose not to exercise time on his weekend, and then demand that you give up yours. Its nice to accomodate him when you can, but you are also perfectly free to say no if you have other plans.

I would strongly recommend that you get a journal, and regularly document, on a daily basis, what goes on in relationship to your child, the ex, and your coparenting relationship.
You particularly need to document when he chooses not to exercise visitation, and when you can accomodate him with alternate time, and when you can't.

 

[NSA4answers]

Well.... how would YOU like to be the parent who lives states away from your kids 'cause their other parent decided to move away for a new bed warmer?

A spouse parent to your child(ren) or not is not a bed warmer IMO. I would never take my children away from their father. I would work with him (or at least try) to come up with a parenting plan that everyone benefits from. I would never assume to say "we're moving so sorry but I guess your parenting time isn't gonna happen anymore, so sorry." There is lots of time that children are out of school that parenting time can be arranged for. It doesn't have to be we're moving and you never get to see the kids anymore situation.

 

[2Mistakes]

A spouse parent to your child(ren) or not is not a bed warmer IMO.

In a court of law, your opinion doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what you think your new spouse is. In the eyes of the law, in a custody situation, your new spouse is nothing . . . or a bedwarmer.

 

[NSA4answers]

As far as moving is concerned, unless you have either the permission of your ex, or the permission of the judge to move with the child, its not going to happen.

However, as far as the visitation schedule is concerned, he doesn't get to change it at his whim. He can't choose not to exercise time on his weekend, and then demand that you give up yours. Its nice to accomodate him when you can, but you are also perfectly free to say no if you have other plans.

I would strongly recommend that you get a journal, and regularly document, on a daily basis, what goes on in relationship to your child, the ex, and your coparenting relationship.
You particularly need to document when he chooses not to exercise visitation, and when you can accomodate him with alternate time, and when you can't.

Ok I have done this, I have a journal that dates back to the beginning of 2005, and previous but not as regularly before that but there's still written accounts of the ongoings... HOW on earth does that help me? I feel like if I were to submit it to the court it would just be me pointing the finger at him. And how could I ever prove that he didn't pick our daughter up when he was supposed to or was late picking her up or bringing her home. Just because I say so in a journal? Another thing I have done is transfer text message conversations to the journal because he badgers me and calls me names a lot in text message. How can I ever prove that any of this ever occurred. It's not like I could get him to sign it saying that it happened. He's an outrageous liar and would just say to the judge, that never happened. I've never really understood how the journaling thing is beneficial.

 

[NSA4answers]

The two most important people to a child: mom and dad. Not mom's new lover. Not the new school principal. NO ONE but mom and dad. Those are the two people that the court wants to make sure have a relationship with the child. Not the inlaws, outlaws, aunts, uncles, cousins.



Because people who are married with kids are moving together with THEIR kids. And hence both have a relationship with the children and the court is NOT involved. Once the court becomes involved with custody matters, the court REMAINS involved.



So the CP gets to dictate everything to the other parent basically -- including how far said other parent gets to live from the child even when it is the CP's choice to move?



YOU can move. Whether child moves is up to the courts.


And the children are your ex's family as well. HE is allowed a say so.


You don't need his permission to move. His permission to move HIS children is what is at issue. You need the court's permission if he does not approve.



Nope. YOu can move anywhere. It is the CHILDREN that are not allowed to move without dad's or the court's permission.

ok, after all is said and done then with the CP needing the court or NCP to move out of state/metro area with the children, WHY is a NCP able to move out of state at whim? Why does the knife not cut both ways? If the court thinks its in the best interest for the child to have access to both parents why can the NCP decide to move and no one has a problem with that when in essence that parent is taking away regular access to him/her from the child?

I'm sorry I'm sort of hijacking this thread... it doesn't look like the OP came back, but if you'd like me to start a new thread I will.