Constructive Emancipation in New York state?

[Kimberley1964]

Double jeopardy?

Yes, meaning that I am not receiving his court ordered support for our daughter, but am expected to pay it for our son.

 

[Proserpina]

Yes, meaning that I am not receiving his court ordered support for our daughter, but am expected to pay it for our son.

In other words, absolutely nothing to do with double jeopardy.

 

[justalayman]

Dear Confused;

The mindset was that being in a new school and getting away from his friends here might have a positive influence.

Shame on me for being born in 1964? Makes no SENSE to me.

In the future, check your spelling and grammar as it is atrocious.

but with that attempt to benefit your child, it does not relieve you from being required to support your child. If that results in you paying support to your husband, then that is what it is. Not sure why you would have an issue with that, especially if it helps your son.

 

[Kimberley1964]

and just tossing this out there but child support in NY is until the child is 21 or self emancipates so you only have 3-4 years to worry about it.

I know, but I have a daughter who just started college. A daughter who has never given me a day's grief. She is not a discipline problem, she has always been respectful and has worked damn hard to get where she is. Another 3-4 years paying for my son who clearly only wants to abuse drugs and work the system may mean that I can't help her with tuition. Who ultimately suffers here?

 

[Kimberley1964]

but with that attempt to benefit your child, it does not relieve you from being required to support your child. If that results in you paying support to your husband, then that is what it is. Not sure why you would have an issue with that, especially if it helps your son.

Because it won't help my son.

 

[Proserpina]

Dear Confused;

The mindset was that being in a new school and getting away from his friends here might have a positive influence.

Shame on me for being born in 1964? Makes no SENSE to me.

In the future, check your spelling and grammar as it is atrocious.

So putting away all hurt feelings, what we're left with is this:

A father who hasn't paid child support as ordered.
A troubled teen.
A frustrated mother who is...well, basically venting because she's (understandably) frustrated.

Believe it or not, I can see where Mom is coming from here. No, it's not fair. But if the world was fair we wouldn't need courts to begin with.

The child support issue is not something you're ever going to see as fair, so we might as well let that one go.

The child being a disrespectful little upstart? In my opinion he's already been getting away with too much and letting him live with Dad will result in one of two things. He'll either get his head out of his derriere and become a useful member of society, or he'll end up spending a lot of time in a little room with bars for windows. It's easy for us to say "If he turns out rotten it's your fault because he's been like that for years", but is it not understandable that Mom is so frustrated that the temptation to shove him back to Dad is almost overwhelming?

She doesn't have that many sanity-saving options. I think that's why she's here.

 

[Kimberley1964]

In other words, absolutely nothing to do with double jeopardy.

Think it out

 

[Proserpina]

Think it out

I don't need to. Once more, I get that you're frustrated. But it just ain't double jeopardy.

 

[Proserpina]

No. That is "what you get" for sending your problemboy to a "deadbeat" father. If Dad will not financially support his children ...Why on God Green Earth do you think he will change problemboy from this path he is on?

Makes no sence to me. And if your 1964 in the username is your BD...Shame on you.

(I'm not getting the 1964 reference either )

 

[Kimberley1964]

So putting away all hurt feelings, what we're left with is this:

A father who hasn't paid child support as ordered.
A troubled teen.
A frustrated mother who is...well, basically venting because she's (understandably) frustrated.

Believe it or not, I can see where Mom is coming from here. No, it's not fair. But if the world was fair we wouldn't need courts to begin with.

The child support issue is not something you're ever going to see as fair, so we might as well let that one go.

The child being a disrespectful little upstart? In my opinion he's already been getting away with too much and letting him live with Dad will result in one of two things. He'll either get his head out of his derriere and become a useful member of society, or he'll end up spending a lot of time in a little room with bars for windows. It's easy for us to say "If he turns out rotten it's your fault because he's been like that for years", but is it not understandable that Mom is so frustrated that the temptation to shove him back to Dad is almost overwhelming?

She doesn't have that many sanity-saving options. I think that's why she's here.

Finally, someone who understands!!! You have no idea how much heartbreak this has caused for myself and my family and how much I agonized over this decision. However, I also had a lot of people saying that maybe he needed his father (his father has never been particularly involved with his children's lives), and that was also part of the decision. Is he acting this way out of anger towards his father, and if so, should they work through this? Who knows? His father made similar choices when he was my son's age, and, as a result, has nothing. I guess I also thought that if my son lived that lifestyle for a time, he would see that this is not what he wants for himself, but what he will get if he doesn't pull it together. As a parent, you never know if the decisions that you make are the "right" ones and you feel guilt for every little thing, but I love my son and have done all I believe I can do for him, except let him go to learn life's lessons the hard way. He's almost eighteen, not four. I even left my second husband because they didn't get along and I hoped that leaving would help. It didn't. I didn't "shove him off" to dad, much as everyone here seems to want to believe. I did the only thing left to me, I stopped enabling him. I put my foot down and said "enough"....I have the right to get up in the morning and not be sick to my stomach wondering what I will have to face with him that day. I have the right NOT to be sworn at and called names by a child that has been loved and supported his whole life, I have the right to some peace of mind and to live in a home not damaged by a child who has no respect or consideration for the things he has been given and I have the right to set down basic rules for my children in my own household.

 

[justalayman]

Because it won't help my son.

then why did you send your son to live with his father? I thought it was because of what you said:

. I asked his father to take him and see what he could do, thinking a new school and new friends might be beneficial.

so you weren't being honest about that and actually meant to say you just didn't want to deal with your son anymore?

If that is the case, it appears you may get to pay for that benefit.

 

[justalayman]

She doesn't have that many sanity-saving options. I think that's why she's here.

I don't disagree except in the first post she said it was because she thought the father may be able to do some good here. Now that is not important and all she is worried about is having to pay child support. Like I said in my post to her; then she gets to pay for the benefit of not having to deal with her son. No hurt feelings, no derision, no condemnation. It's a simple business transaction.

 

[Kimberley1964]

then why did you send your son to live with his father? I thought it was because of what you said:

so you weren't being honest about that and actually meant to say you just didn't want to deal with your son anymore?

If that is the case, it appears you may get to pay for that benefit.

I meant, throwing money at his father won't help my son. It goes deeper than that. My God, everybody on this blog is just ready to crucify you !!!!!

 

[Kimberley1964]

I don't need to. Once more, I get that you're frustrated. But it just ain't double jeopardy.

Perhaps "double whammy" may have been a better way to put it...?

 

[Kimberley1964]

then why did you send your son to live with his father? I thought it was because of what you said:

so you weren't being honest about that and actually meant to say you just didn't want to deal with your son anymore?

If that is the case, it appears you may get to pay for that benefit.

You're right, you got me. I jumped on this site and just made up a bunch of random stuff so that I could be abused by everybody on here. You know, because I have no life. You caught me, Sherlock. Congratulations.