Custody?? Should I worry??

[Momzof4]

What is the name of your state? CALIFORNIA
My teenage children's father has recently decided he no longer wants to communicate (and uses very foul language when he does) and has cancelled my children's health coverage, never pays his child support (unless he feels like it).. he is NOT involved in any of the daily aspects of life, like school, medical/dental, social, etc.. he has visitation with the kids 3-4 weekends a month (which he is ALWAYS late for pickup and drop off), he spends almost all of that time NOT with the kids, he is either with is girlfriend or working.. on his visitation weekend he has recently took his girlfriend on a trip and left my kids home alone for what would have been for three days (but I picked kids up when I found out they were alone).. I have tried to have numerous conversations with him in regards to my concerns but to no resolution, he states he can do what he wants.. I have since filed for modification of order and in retaliation he is now trying to get the kids 7 days a week (I know only to hurt me) because he had no interest until he found out his child support $$ is going up.... he is never truly involved with the children except for the "disney dad" moments, and works 5-6 days a week 12+ hour days..what are his chances of getting the kids, and what are some things I can do to help prevent this? HELP

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? CALIFORNIA
My teenage children's father has recently decided he no longer wants to communicate (and uses very foul language when he does) and has cancelled my children's health coverage, never pays his child support (unless he feels like it).. he is NOT involved in any of the daily aspects of life, like school, medical/dental, social, etc.. he has visitation with the kids 3-4 weekends a month (which he is ALWAYS late for pickup and drop off), he spends almost all of that time NOT with the kids, he is either with is girlfriend or working.. on his visitation weekend he has recently took his girlfriend on a trip and left my kids home alone for what would have been for three days (but I picked kids up when I found out they were alone).. I have tried to have numerous conversations with him in regards to my concerns but to no resolution, he states he can do what he wants.. I have since filed for modification of order and in retaliation he is now trying to get the kids 7 days a week (I know only to hurt me) because he had no interest until he found out his child support $$ is going up.... he is never truly involved with the children except for the "disney dad" moments, and works 5-6 days a week 12+ hour days..what are his chances of getting the kids, and what are some things I can do to help prevent this? HELP

You might want to get yourself an attorney. However, he is asking for you to have no custody time at all and that certainly is NOT going to happen unless you roll over and play dead. I also do not see any change in circumstance that would justify switching custody to him either. As you said he works 5-6 days a week for 12 hours, so that would leave the children without supervision for much of the time, as well.

 

[t74]

Did it occur to you that his work hours are a necessity in order to support himself and to pay his support order and health insurance? If he is working so many hours, he is unlikely to be able to pickup at the typical time.

You state your children are teenagers. What are their ages? While I do not think it was appropriate not to cancel visitation for his weekend trip, I would not get as upset of them being alone during visitation if they are 17 as I would if they are 13.

And, he can parent as he sees fit and does not have to discuss his parenting style with you. There is nothing to indicate the children are in danger of harm. Your post makes it seem like you have been making demands rather than MYOB.

 

[LdiJ]

Did it occur to you that his work hours are a necessity in order to support himself and to pay his support order and health insurance? If he is working so many hours, he is unlikely to be able to pickup at the typical time.

You state your children are teenagers. What are their ages? While I do not think it was appropriate not to cancel visitation for his weekend trip, I would not get as upset of them being alone during visitation if they are 17 as I would if they are 13.

And, he can parent as he sees fit and does not have to discuss his parenting style with you. There is nothing to indicate the children are in danger of harm. Your post makes it seem like you have been making demands rather than MYOB.

So dad uses foul language when speaking to mom, has cancelled the children's insurance, left them alone for a weekend, and now wants 7 days a week custody (leaving no time at all for mom) even though he works 12 hours a day 5-6 days a week and therefore couldn't be there for them, and YOU are accusing mom of making demands and telling her to MYOB?

Once again, your strong anti all moms bias is showing.

 

[stealth2]

Obviously, the teens being left alone for a weekend depends a great deal on the circumstances and the kids. Were they left w/no food, no money and no way to contact anyone (apparently not the latter, since someone contacted Mom)? What are their ages and levels of maturity? Are there some other circumstances that would make this an issue?

The support, insurance, etc issue may be more properly handled with a contempt filing, rather than a custody mod...

 

[t74]

I'm not anti-mom just anti superiority complex for either parent who believes he/she should be able to control what happens at the other parent's home. How would mom "know" what is happening at dad's if she were not discussing what is occurring there with the kids? Is she stalking and spying?

Unless the kids are coming home hurt, what happens at dad's should stay at dad's. as it should at her home. Does she want dad cross examining kids on what goes on at her house? I think not. Kids also exaggerate when they know they can control when they create tension between their parents.

As for cancelling insurance ... there are often stipulations that the insurance must be "affordable". It could be the case that the insurance does not meet that requirement any longer and other arrangements should be made. There may be nothing sinister or inappropriate.

 

[HRZ]

You might be wise to use counsel to defend against Dads seeking custody ...he or she will be more likely to focus on the issues that really matter in court !

I'm not a fan of unsupervised teens ...but teens may be .

IF the order calls for Dad to provide health coverage and Dad cancelled same , that's a BIG issue / contempt ...absent a debate about affordability if such language is in the order.

Not paying CS as ordered should be a big issue ...absent true inability to pay.
What are you doing about compelling payments ?

 

[not2cleverRed]

Did it occur to you that his work hours are a necessity in order to support himself and to pay his support order and health insurance? If he is working so many hours, he is unlikely to be able to pickup at the typical time.

You state your children are teenagers. What are their ages? While I do not think it was appropriate not to cancel visitation for his weekend trip, I would not get as upset of them being alone during visitation if they are 17 as I would if they are 13.

And, he can parent as he sees fit and does not have to discuss his parenting style with you. There is nothing to indicate the children are in danger of harm. Your post makes it seem like you have been making demands rather than MYOB.

If he were actually paying any child support with any regularity, that might be true. But apparently, as per OP's initial post, Dad does not pay child support regularly.

 

[t74]

She should have filed for contempt and garnishment; she must have her reasons for not doing so. It may have resulted in a recalculation reducing his support since there are still many people with job problems resulting in financial issues. If they do not communicate well, she is unlikely to know what is going on.

There are two sides to every story with the truth somewhere in between. I am very skeptical when a poster is perfect and the other parent is horrible. There may be rational explanations to behavior concerns. IMO, OP is aggrevating the problems rather than solving the; she needs to spend time reflecting on what she could do differently to prevent problems. Even if he is a jerk, she picked him and has to deal with it.

 

[LdiJ]

She should have filed for contempt and garnishment; she must have her reasons for not doing so. It may have resulted in a recalculation reducing his support since there are still many people with job problems resulting in financial issues. If they do not communicate well, she is unlikely to know what is going on.

There are two sides to every story with the truth somewhere in between. I am very skeptical when a poster is perfect and the other parent is horrible. There may be rational explanations to behavior concerns. IMO, OP is aggrevating the problems rather than solving the; she needs to spend time reflecting on what she could do differently to prevent problems. Even if he is a jerk, she picked him and has to deal with it.

You might want to thoroughly read her original post as it does appear that she is taking him to court. In regards to the bolded, that is very dangerous advice. You are telling her to cater to someone who is being irrational. That is the kind of advice that gets people hurt.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

You might want to thoroughly read her original post as it does appear that she is taking him to court. In regards to the bolded, that is very dangerous advice. You are telling her to cater to someone who is being irrational. That is the kind of advice that gets people hurt.

OMG, unless someone just walked through the door with a baseball bat or gun when does "reflecting on what she could do differently to prevent problems" get people hurt?

 

[LdiJ]

OMG, unless someone just walked through the door with a baseball bat or gun does "reflecting on what she could do differently to prevent problems" get people hurt?

Read some information on domestic violence.

 

[PayrollHRGuy]

Absolutely nowhere in the OP's post is any mention of domestic violence.

 

[not2cleverRed]

She should have filed for contempt and garnishment; she must have her reasons for not doing so. It may have resulted in a recalculation reducing his support since there are still many people with job problems resulting in financial issues. If they do not communicate well, she is unlikely to know what is going on.

There are two sides to every story with the truth somewhere in between. I am very skeptical when a poster is perfect and the other parent is horrible. There may be rational explanations to behavior concerns. IMO, OP is aggrevating the problems rather than solving the; she needs to spend time reflecting on what she could do differently to prevent problems. Even if he is a jerk, she picked him and has to deal with it.

Well, apparently she did: "I have since filed for modification of order and in retaliation he is now trying to get the kids 7 days a week (I know only to hurt me) because he had no interest until he found out his child support $$ is going up..."

The court increased his child support obligation at the last modification. So now he wants the kids to spend more time at his home, even if there is no adult present for days on end while they are there, so that he can get a downward cs modification.

Seriously, how dense are you? Because you consistently react without reading, and assume that any woman who is asking for anything, no matter how reasonable, should "Suck it up Buttercup" and "Stop bothering that nice man".

No, it does not seem reasonable to flip custody, based on what OP has posted, because there has not been a change in circumstances.

And no, it is not reasonable to demand that the kids come over to Dad's place for visitation if there is going to be no adult supervision while the kids are there. Yes, they're old enough to take care of themselves - but leaving them home alone for days on end is a recipe for problems. Parties come to mind. Which, great, so they trash Dad's place, but what if someone gets raped, ODs, or has a DUI/DWI after attending such a party? Guess that's Dad's problem/liability, so don't worry?