8pm to overnight

[mitzi32]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Minnesota

The divorce decrees states, "the parties shall be awarded joint legal and shared physical custody of the minor children

School year: The children will live with the parent in residence every other weekend, with a weekend being friday 3:00pm until Monday 8:00am. On the week folowing a weekend living with Dad, the girls will stay over night at Dad's house on Thursday night. On the week following a weekend living with mom, the girls will stay over night at Dad's house on Tuesday night. The girls will live with mom during the rest of the week. The girls may elect to go with dad one additional evening a week. The would be back to Mom's residence by 8:00pm. If a later time is needed, this will be worked out between mom and dad.

Summer: The girls will live with mom wed at 3pm through sat at 8pm. The will live with Dad Saturday 8pm through wed afternoon at 3pm.

I am the dad in this position. I have been documenting my parenting time with my girls. So far during the school year I have had them every other weekend, my tuesday and thursday nights. About two times a week, I will have the girls the second day of the week up to 8pm sometimes. The problem is that the girls are in sports and activities now and it is getting in the way of my parenting time with them. I don't get the second day of the week, only at games or activities. I'd like to be able to take the girls home with me after the games and have them spend the night and send them off to school in the morning so there is a consistent plan. Also, it says the girls may 'elect' to stay with me. I refuse to put my 13 and 11 year old daughter in the middle to say if she does or does not want to stay with me the second day of the week until 8pm so instead, the mom makes the choice and school activities take up my time of whether the girls come to my house or not. I feel like i need more consistency than what it says in the decree.

I have asked my ex several times for the 8pm to be changed to an over night and she refuses saying that because i caused the marriage to fail, I have to pay the consequences of not seeing my children and she shouldnt' have to pay the consequences since it was not her fault. Also, she says that we never agreed to a 50-50 split. (there are no numbers in the decree, just shared custody) If you take into consideration my summer schedule with the girls, the over nights I have had them while she's on her vacations, extra time she's asked me to take them, etc...I have them more than 50-50. I have not missed their school activities and I also take them to doctor apptments on their mom's days and mine.....I am very active in their lives and I have documented everything.


We do have a mediation appointment next Tuesday....I believe I have asked and told her everything I can say. I don't know what else to say in mediation and how a mediator will help me out to see my side....What points do I need to emphasize and pinpoint out? IF mediation does not help out, do I need a lawyer to try to help me make the change and what kind of chance do I have getting this over night?

It also states in the divorce decree that our parenting plan can be modified every 12 months or if unusual circumstances come up things may be renogiated. At the time of signing the divorce documents I was living 50 miles away but was able to buy a house in the town they go to school, before school started...so when I signed the divorce papers, I didn't see how well the schedule actually would work that we had set up. I feel there has been a change of circumstances....

Please help me figure out what i need to say in mediation and do i have a chance for the 8pm to be changed to an over night

thanks

 

[stealth2]

Also, it says the girls may 'elect' to stay with me. I refuse to put my 13 and 11 year old daughter in the middle to say if she does or does not want to stay with me the second day of the week until 8pm so instead, the mom makes the choice and school activities take up my time of whether the girls come to my house or not. I feel like i need more consistency than what it says in the decree.

Except that that IS what your order states - the kids decide. Not you. Not Mom. The kids. Personally, as I see it, if you refuse to allow them that choice, you forfeit the second evening. Apparently, you agreed to it at the time. Mom isn't apparently denying you your scheduled evening due to activities (based on your statement "I don't get the second day of the week, only at games or activities.").

Why do you feel going home with you after is more consistent than going home with Mom?

 

[penelope10]

Except that that IS what your order states - the kids decide. Not you. Not Mom. The kids. Personally, as I see it, if you refuse to allow them that choice, you forfeit the second evening. Apparently, you agreed to it at the time. Mom isn't apparently denying you your scheduled evening due to activities (based on your statement "I don't get the second day of the week, only at games or activities.").

Why do you feel going home with you after is more consistent than going home with Mom?

Hey I have kiddos that had sports events. Had my butt parked on a bench to each and every one of them. Many times they'd want to spend the night over at a friend's house after the game. If it didn't interfere with school it was o.k. Kiddos become more independent as they get older and spend less time with BOTH parents. Agree with what Stealth said, the order was written in such a way that it is up to the kiddos, so no one is breaking the order. And you are spending time with the girls as in you are attending their games. They'll be more and more of this as they get older and become involved in varsity sports at school. It's one on one time that parents don't "spend" with their children, but can still be active in their lives by showing an interest in what they are doing.

 

[mitzi32]

Thanks for questions...

I do know the girls would like to come with me the second night of the week up to 8 but it is in control of 'mom'. I don't want to put the girls in the middle because I know they will say yes and then their mom will back overide and say no and then they'll feel bad. Another reason I feel it needs to be changed. The girls also would like to stay at my house overnight for the night when I have them until 8pm.

By the time I get the girls on the second day of the week, i have to send them back to mom's right away and it doesn't give us time together....the girls get interupted with homework because they have to leave, short times for dinner, rush rush, I can't take them home after activities, etc....they just start to feel settled and then have to get up and go and then they ask if they can stay but since its not an overnight, they can't. Of course I'd alway like to take them... if I was able to keep them over night, there would be less chaos for the girls, more time for homework, spending more quality time together.... and it would be a smooth transition for the girls to go to school in the morning.

Thanks for your help

 

[stealth2]

I work evenings, and during the school year, I have to do a lot of juggling to make it to games, events, performances. Many a time I've taken a few hours off to attend, then taken the kiddo home (or to grandma's) and gone back to work. Quite often, they'd be asleep by the time I got home. So I didn't get to "bask in the afterglow", but kiddo knew I made the time to be at whatever it was.

Welcome to Parenthood 101.

 

[penelope10]

I work evenings, and during the school year, I have to do a lot of juggling to make it to games, events, performances. Many a time I've taken a few hours off to attend, then taken the kiddo home (or to grandma's) and gone back to work. Quite often, they'd be asleep by the time I got home. So I didn't get to "bask in the afterglow", but kiddo knew I made the time to be at whatever it was.

Welcome to Parenthood 101.

I work a different schedule as well and have to juggle. (11 am till 8 pm). Kiddo is now fourteen. Good grief, unless these are early games, most games aren't over until around 8 anyway during the week. So unless the kiddos are staying up till midnight there wouldn't be that much quality time spend anyway even if they spent the night.

 

[stealth2]

Mine are 15 & 17. Games are HS teams, so after school (and it's even more complicated as #2 goes to a magnet, so has to be picked up there and taken to the away games - that can be tough to juggle.) Performances, concerts, etc are in the evening. If it's an evening I work... I do what I can to switch with another manager. Thing is, #1's a senior. So, yeah - after most performances (even last year, as he had a lot of Sr friends), they all want to get together as a group. Between that and the homework load - there's not much quality time with Mom at all. It's how it goes.

Seriously, this is something I think a lot of NCPs may not realize. As the kids get older, the CP doesn't get all that much time with the kids, either. Even in summer. #1 works, #2 volunteers. Both have extensive summer work for next year. And they have friends they'd rather spend their free time with - which is as it should be. I'm basically a live-in taxi service. Such is life. But, honestly? I would rather my kids had active lives - and lived them to the fullest. I've raised them so that they'd be capable of flying from our nest. It's a job I've done well, I think.

 

[penelope10]

Mine are 15 & 17. Games are HS teams, so after school (and it's even more complicated as #2 goes to a magnet, so has to be picked up there and taken to the away games - that can be tough to juggle.) Performances, concerts, etc are in the evening. If it's an evening I work... I do what I can to switch with another manager. Thing is, #1's a senior. So, yeah - after most performances (even last year, as he had a lot of Sr friends), they all want to get together as a group. Between that and the homework load - there's not much quality time with Mom at all. It's how it goes.

Seriously, this is something I think a lot of NCPs may not realize. As the kids get older, the CP doesn't get all that much time with the kids, either. Even in summer. #1 works, #2 volunteers. Both have extensive summer work for next year. And they have friends they'd rather spend their free time with - which is as it should be. I'm basically a live-in taxi service. Such is life. But, honestly? I would rather my kids had active lives - and lived them to the fullest. I've raised them so that they'd be capable of flying from our nest. It's a job I've done well, I think.

Me too. And I do agree that both parents lose time with their kiddos as they get older. But as you said, its good for kiddos to have active lives and have some independence so that they can function independently as adults.

 

[LdiJ]

I agree with the others...however I could see some advantages in changing your summer schedule to every other week instead of the split week that you have. That would allow both of you to have every other full weekend with the kids rather than the split weekend you have now. It would also make it easier to plan vacations.

Just food for thought.

 

[mitzi32]

The summer schedule is working fine with all of our schedules and the girls have gone on vacation with their mom and will be going on vacation with me in a couple of weeks. The problem is not the summer schedule....it's the nonconsistency of the 8pm, having it and not having, not knowing which day of the week, the kids wanting to stay overnight when I do have them. I realize they will spend a lot of time with their friends or have friends over...that doesn't solve the difficulties we are dealing with in our schedule right now.

The girls are involved in several activities and they have several friends. I realize what you are all saying by the kids being busy, etc......that doesn't solve the problem I am dealing with in the schedule. If it were up to the girls, they would stay with me on that 8pm but mom wont agree. It also says if a later time is needed, it will be arranged between mom and me. Mom always says the girls have to go even if the girls want to stay.
Also, it would be less difficult and less chaotic if they'd stay plus it would be an easier transition in the morning.

Thanks,

 

[profmum]

If you take into consideration my summer schedule with the girls, the over nights I have had them while she's on her vacations, extra time she's asked me to take them, etc...I have them more than 50-50.

Ok so you already have the kids for the majority of the time.

We do have a mediation appointment next Tuesday....I believe I have asked and told her everything I can say. I don't know what else to say in mediation and how a mediator will help me out to see my side....What points do I need to emphasize and pinpoint out? IF mediation does not help out, do I need a lawyer to try to help me make the change and what kind of chance do I have getting this over night?

Is ONE overnight really worth an $$ and contentious legal battle? seriously? I agree with the premise of it, but if Mum is admant, leave it be for now..

It also states in the divorce decree that our parenting plan can be modified every 12 months or if unusual circumstances come up things may be renogiated. At the time of signing the divorce documents I was living 50 miles away but was able to buy a house in the town they go to school, before school started...so when I signed the divorce papers, I didn't see how well the schedule actually would work that we had set up. I feel there has been a change of circumstances....

Perhaps.. but again if you want to go to courts ONLY to change the 8 pm to an overnight for 4 nights a month?

 

[futuredust]

After reading your other posts on the forum I am confused.

You claim to be dad in this one, then you have another in which you are mom.

I have three children, 16, 15, and 12 and their father is going to move out of state to California for a new job position

So, are you jennifer?

My 12 year old daughter was attacked by a dog the summer of 2003.
*Snipped the rest*

Thanks,
jennifer

Not sure where you went, you were just here reading this question..

 

[stealth2]

OP has a number of thread where "he" is the Mom. Probably sharing a handle. WHich I find annoying, personally.