a couple of issues...any advice?

[mjpull]

What is the name of your state? Texas
I am a NCP of 3. have been divorced for 1.5 yrs. Standard visitation of 1, 3, 5 weekends of the month, and officially thursdays 6-8pm.
Unofficially, I get the kids mondays and wednesdays due to agreement with the ex.
Yesterday, I went to get the kids, and she had told one that she could go to a friends house instead of coming with me. She is angry with me, because I refused to sign a form relenquishing me of a court ordered tax exemption. She said that technically is wasn't my day, so she gave the child permission to go.
My question is, what would be the chances of getting a modification to visitation, based on precedence of me getting them mondays and wednesdays since the divorce?

Another issue that has come up...
I know that my oldest wants to come live with me. Her mother and she fight and argue to the point that she has "run away" to my house to cool off. She has expressed this both to me and her mother. I told her she is old enough, 15, to make that decision and she will be welcomed and loved for whatever decision she makes. The issue I have is that her mother gave her a MAJOR guilt trip, by telling her that it is best to keep all 3 kids together. It would hurt the family bond. I agree to some extent, but it kills me to see them fight all the time, like they do.
Any suggestions? Thanks
mjpull

 

[stealth2]

Yes, you can file for a modification - you'd need to prove that you have had the kids that much.

And no, your daughter does not get to CHOOSE where she lives. While she can express a preference to the court, it will be up to the judge what weight to give that preference - and a lot will depend on her reasons. So, while you have an issue with Mom giving her a guilt trip, I'd bet Mom has an issue with you telling the kid she gets to choose.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Texas
I am a NCP of 3. have been divorced for 1.5 yrs. Standard visitation of 1, 3, 5 weekends of the month, and officially thursdays 6-8pm.
Unofficially, I get the kids mondays and wednesdays due to agreement with the ex.
Yesterday, I went to get the kids, and she had told one that she could go to a friends house instead of coming with me. She is angry with me, because I refused to sign a form relenquishing me of a court ordered tax exemption. She said that technically is wasn't my day, so she gave the child permission to go.
My question is, what would be the chances of getting a modification to visitation, based on precedence of me getting them mondays and wednesdays since the divorce?

Another issue that has come up...
I know that my oldest wants to come live with me. Her mother and she fight and argue to the point that she has "run away" to my house to cool off. She has expressed this both to me and her mother. I told her she is old enough, 15, to make that decision and she will be welcomed and loved for whatever decision she makes. The issue I have is that her mother gave her a MAJOR guilt trip, by telling her that it is best to keep all 3 kids together. It would hurt the family bond. I agree to some extent, but it kills me to see them fight all the time, like they do.
Any suggestions? Thanks
mjpull

You were totally and completely in the wrong to tell your daughter that. While a judge would take your child's wishes into consideration in a custody case...your child DOES NOT get to make that decision. What's more, teenage girls typically fight with their mothers...and you just destroyed most of her mother's ability to discipline the child by backing up her rebellion instead of supporting mom and presenting a united front.

I am sorry but you are not exercising good parental judgement....and that could cause you to get a butt kicking in court.

If you want to take it back to court to get visitation changed to Mondays and Wednesdays, instead of Thursday, you can certainly do so. However you seriously need to change your ways in dealing with your oldest...hopefully before the others reach the age of rebellion.

 

[mjpull]

99% of the time, I do back their mother on decisions, and if I don't agree, I still go with it, but I tell their mother in private why I don't agree.
She comes to my house, I let her cool down, talk with her about what happened, and then take her home. I won't allow her to stay overnight, because she is old enough to take responsibilty for her actions and she needs to talk to her mother calmly. BUT if it is at a point where the child is running away, I believe things need to change. Is that wrong, or am I letting my emotions blind me? From what you are telling me, it is the latter.

 

[stealth2]

It's not a matter of being blinded by emotions. But that also doesn't necessarily mean that a change is required. What would be a wiser course of action would be to ask Mom if the two of you could meet for coffee and discuss how best to handle it. Don't put the kid in the position of power - because that is what you did when you told her she could choose where to live. That then puts Mom in the position of bad guy when she says no.

And I would hardly classify this as "running away". You've provided her with a place other than her room to storm off to, and you obviously live close enough where that's a viable alternative. And if that's fine with both you and Mom, then that's fine.

Really, you and Mom need to come up with a coordinated plan for how to deal with your 15yo. Where the two of you make the rules - not her.

 

[mjpull]

Yes, I do live close by. I chose to, based on having to run back and forth during the school year to help with homework. The oldest has a very high aptitude in math and science, and my ex doesn't have a clue...
I guess I will have to face my ex and discuss this situation.
Thanks