State PA; My eldest son is an Airman. This is such a long story and very sad, I need advice on how I can help my 23 year old son. I will make the history of this problem short so that I can get to the problem. My Son dated a young girl on and off for two years. He is 4 years older than her. When he went to boot camp she decided that she could not live without him and wanted him to marry her. He at that time had his head on straight and told her that when he got his credit and bills straightened out and they could live without to much struggle they could then consider marriage. He went to training. I think he fell into the mind set that alot of them do, that this is real and maybe it would be better to not be alone. Any way she messed with his mind, convinced him that she loved him and that she was ready to be his wife. He trusted and believed her. Four months later he flew home one weekend while still in training and married her by a PA justice of the peace.Despite our best effort to at least give it a year before marriage. The day he married her he flew back that night to his training post. I didn't trust her, so I insisted that she stay with us until he finished training in 4 more weeks. She did by the next day she said she was going to babysit her sisters kids but instead continued the affair she had already started. I knew she just wanted to leave "Mommy's" house and rules and have someone take care of her. I suspected she was carring on an affair but, I didn't have any proof until the day they left for his new duty station. Once there several states away, She told my son that she was having an affair and had every intention of continuing it. They lived off base because housing was full on that base. She told him that since her name was on the lease, she would continue to live there, but she would also move her boyfriend in with her. My Son was devastated and told her and her "friend" to leave. They moved upstairs with friends they made while he was home but continued to live in the apartment when he was gone. Neither wife or boyfriend wanted a job. Someone in the complex told the wife that she had every right to be in that apartment and that she could have anyone she wanted to stay with her. Under that particular State Law anyone who resides in someone elses apartment for two weeks becomes a resident of that apartment. When my Son told me this I did check the accuracy of that information and yes, It is quite true. My Son and his wife never consumated the marriage because she refused and told him she would report him for rape if he asked her again. I called the family counsel center from the office of the Chaplin. I was told that Security Forces would remove the boyfriend because the apartment is also under the jurisdiction of the Military. However, My Son could lose his placement. My Son said that they are downsizing the Job's with the A.F. He was afraid that any kind of investigation could jeapordize his job. I believe that he is so emotionally distraught and that he seems to have some sort of co-dependent personality where this girl is concerned that he has convinced himself that he will take her anyway he can. When you talk to him you hear hurt and despair in his voice that it breaks my heart. This is not who he is, We all know that know the person we know as Son & Brother is just a shell of his former self. I do not think he is emotionally capable to handle this particular situation. He works everyday and got permission to work a second job to help with his credit he needs to fix for his security clearance,( which on a foot note the A.F. knew of all of his financial obligations and his credit score before he went to bootcamp. So I don't know how they could revoke his Security Clearance.) He works his second job 25-35 hours a week He says he does that so that he doesn't have to face the situation of his marriage. He did go see a doctor for depression, but the Dr told him if he prescribed a anti depressant it would hurt his job placement because he would have to report the prescripiton. My question is, Is there anyway, that I can report the wife for adultery and fraud on behalf of my son? and isin't it true that he would have to file for divorce with the state instead of the Military?? At one point, she took his ATM card and drained the account with the exception of 1 dollar. He was so upset because he had auto pay set up for his school loans and car payments, In fact he was so distraught that his friend called me because he feared for my sons life. When I called the wife and told her to replace the money, Her reply to me was Don't Mess with me, I will distroy your son, go report me I dare you. directly after that phone call is when I recieved the call from my sons friend. I did not know what law to follow so I called the County Sheriffs office in his county and had someone sent over to the apartment as I was in a different state, to make sure he was ok. This is such a mess and it seems that the laws are protecting her and the boyfriend instead of my Son. I know my Son, and I know he can no longer handle this situation I also know that he has deluded himself into thinking that one day she will love him if she would just give him a chance. I just want her as far away from him as possible. But I also don't want to take the other thing that so far has seen him through and that he loves and that is his place in the AirForce. What can I do? Please advise me.
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A Mothers desperate plea for help for her Airman son
- Thread starter Isis2
- Start date
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badapple40
Senior Member
He needs to file for a divorce. He needed to have done it yesterday. His filing for divorce will settle most/all of this. He can see JAG, where he is stationed, and they'll help him with the paperwork. If they don't, PM me and I'll help him get the paperwork together myself.
p.s. where is he stationed?
p.s. where is he stationed?
Very greatful for your response and I will take you up on that. I could help him in a civilian divorce but I am clueless in Military Law. He said that he did go to legal at one point and they told him it would cost $3000. to file it. (That couldn't be true could it??) I even told him that I would help with the cost. I just need to find a way to convince him to actually go and file it . He is stationed at MacDill A.F.B in Florida.
Even better than a divorce, he may have grounds for an annulment. Never consumated, she was concealing an affair, flying home for the wedding, she is apparently living with someone else without ever really establishing a home with him -- it sounds like a very good case for fraud.
The military does not handle divorces, marriage is governed by the applicable state laws and civilian courts. For a contested divorce (or annulment) I'd advise getting a lawyer, even if it seems it might cost a lot the potential downside is huge. But first your son has to decide to cut it off -- completely. Start protecting his assets, etc. And whatever he does do NOT have sex with her. Just one night together and she'll be claiming they resolved their earlier troubles, etc. He owes her a certain amount of support until a divorce or annulment (or other court order) takes effect -- he can check with his base to see what the amount is. (It is probably not enough to keep her happy. Too bad.) Your son should consider himself fortunate - there are no children involved (yet, anyway).
The military does not handle divorces, marriage is governed by the applicable state laws and civilian courts. For a contested divorce (or annulment) I'd advise getting a lawyer, even if it seems it might cost a lot the potential downside is huge. But first your son has to decide to cut it off -- completely. Start protecting his assets, etc. And whatever he does do NOT have sex with her. Just one night together and she'll be claiming they resolved their earlier troubles, etc. He owes her a certain amount of support until a divorce or annulment (or other court order) takes effect -- he can check with his base to see what the amount is. (It is probably not enough to keep her happy. Too bad.) Your son should consider himself fortunate - there are no children involved (yet, anyway).
Shay-Pari'e
Senior Member
BadApple,
You know I love you, but JAG cannot represent, or give papers to file in a divorce.
I highly recommend kooking up the posters history.
This Mommy needs to butt out of her grown son's adults life.
You know I love you, but JAG cannot represent, or give papers to file in a divorce.
I highly recommend kooking up the posters history.
This Mommy needs to butt out of her grown son's adults life.
"Mommy" has stayed out of her adult sons problems. The reason is, because I know that legally I am limited into what I can do. And because I was hoping that he would take care of this himself.I was simply asking if I could intervene on his behalf and what if any are the laws on divorce where the military is concerned. As far as looking up my history, please feel free, I stand by all of my posts.
Fozzy2 I appriciate your response as well. It was very helpful. Pennsylvania does not have annulment unless it has to do with brother/ sister or 1st cousins. I can file and draw up the divorce papers myself for PA since he was married in PA. PA and FL are no fault states but PA's time limit on no fault is 2 years, FL is less. However, in FL you have to be a resident of 6 months to file there, being in the Military wouldn't his permanent address in PA be considered where he resides in a case such as this?? I will defintely pursue the fraud issue. If that is, he ever gives me to go ahead to do so. I have explained the legal ramifications if he has sex with her now, and that if she ever got pregnant GOD FORBID to make sure a paternity test is preformed.
Fozzy2 I appriciate your response as well. It was very helpful. Pennsylvania does not have annulment unless it has to do with brother/ sister or 1st cousins. I can file and draw up the divorce papers myself for PA since he was married in PA. PA and FL are no fault states but PA's time limit on no fault is 2 years, FL is less. However, in FL you have to be a resident of 6 months to file there, being in the Military wouldn't his permanent address in PA be considered where he resides in a case such as this?? I will defintely pursue the fraud issue. If that is, he ever gives me to go ahead to do so. I have explained the legal ramifications if he has sex with her now, and that if she ever got pregnant GOD FORBID to make sure a paternity test is preformed.
badapple40
Senior Member
BadApple,
You know I love you, but JAG cannot represent, or give papers to file in a divorce.
I highly recommend kooking up the posters history.
This Mommy needs to butt out of her grown son's adults life.
Agreed -- they cannot represent him in court -- they can, however, give general advice and potentially let him know where to start. I've prepared dissolution papers and divorce settlement agreements for military members.
I would recommend that your son immediately advise someone in his command of the problem going on. I do not think his command would freak out because divorce and troublesome marriages are nothing new to military. If he advised his command, it could help in several ways: First, it shows that he is taking responsibility for the problem at hand. Second, if something bad does happen, the Air Force will know why. Third, if she does carry out her threats, it will be much more difficult for her to convince the military that the problem is on his end. Fourth, and perhaps most important, he will have someone (in addition to his mother) to help him with his problems. It has been my personal experience that the military tends to take care of each other. Please consider calling his command yourself or if that does not seem to be a good idea, consider calling the base Champlain. I believe they are held to a higher level of confidentiality than the standard service member.
As far as his clearance and other issues, I would think that with all this mess going on, now is NOT the time to be trying to get a clearance. What do you think would happen if an investigator working on his clearance called his wife? I believe the military would (and perhaps justifiably so) see him as a temporary security risk. I would also believe that he should again become eligible for a clearance as soon as the problem at hand goes away (i.e. He gets a divorce and she goes home).
I would also believe that he is headed for certain disaster. I am not too familiar with the AWOL phenomenon, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she left Florida, he would too …with or (most likely) without authorization. The longer this scenario continues, the risk of him getting in trouble as an indirect consequence of this problem increases dramatically. I would also recommend he request some type of on base housing such as the barracks. This would give him a place to get away from her.
From your description, it sounds like his wife has got her dependent ID card confused with a Visa Platinum. While the military fully expects its service members to take care of their dependents, it in no way expects its members to endure extraordinarily harsh conditions imposed upon the service member by their dependents. I have seen girls that believe that once they are married to a military man, they are guaranteed to be taken care of regardless of their contribution to the marriage.
Also please take my advice simply as advice. I am not a lawyer and therefore can not advise beyond my own experience. But something has to be done and soon… and it seems as if you are on the right path.
Good Luck, CeLaw
As far as his clearance and other issues, I would think that with all this mess going on, now is NOT the time to be trying to get a clearance. What do you think would happen if an investigator working on his clearance called his wife? I believe the military would (and perhaps justifiably so) see him as a temporary security risk. I would also believe that he should again become eligible for a clearance as soon as the problem at hand goes away (i.e. He gets a divorce and she goes home).
I would also believe that he is headed for certain disaster. I am not too familiar with the AWOL phenomenon, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she left Florida, he would too …with or (most likely) without authorization. The longer this scenario continues, the risk of him getting in trouble as an indirect consequence of this problem increases dramatically. I would also recommend he request some type of on base housing such as the barracks. This would give him a place to get away from her.
From your description, it sounds like his wife has got her dependent ID card confused with a Visa Platinum. While the military fully expects its service members to take care of their dependents, it in no way expects its members to endure extraordinarily harsh conditions imposed upon the service member by their dependents. I have seen girls that believe that once they are married to a military man, they are guaranteed to be taken care of regardless of their contribution to the marriage.
Also please take my advice simply as advice. I am not a lawyer and therefore can not advise beyond my own experience. But something has to be done and soon… and it seems as if you are on the right path.
Good Luck, CeLaw
A mothers desparte pleas for help for her Airman son
Thank you for taking the time to respond. The night that I first wrote of this I couldn't sleep because I was so worried. After I wrote about 2 hours later, at 2:00 am. We recieved a call that my Son was attacked. by the boyfriend. The police were called and the wifes boyfriend ran away. When the police question my sons wife she said she saw nothing at all. The Police who could tell something went down said to her, Do you know we could arrest you for perjury right now? She said What ever. This according to the deputy who took the call. My son locked his doors and windows and went to sleep. 2 more hours later, 3 of the boyfriends buddys broke down his door and attacked him with bats, and golf clubs. At 4:30 am we got a call again this time saying that my son was in the hospital with a head injury. I could not get informatioin from the hospital because they couldn't prove I was his Mother over the phone. So we flew down there on the first available flight. He finally said he was ready for file for divorce. She left with the boyfriend and moved into a trailer. The Military told my son that he has to provide for her until the final divorce decree is signed. That also means that if she leaves of her own accord he still has to provide keys for her to enter "their" apartment. Now, what scares me is, what if and this is clearly just hypothetical what if, their intent was to kill him and make her eleigable to recieve his life insurance since boyfriend or her don't and won't work ? He filed charges against the boyfriend but the sheriffs dept said it had to be written on a form because the first attack would be his word against the boyfriends and hard to prove since wifey didn't see anything? However the other three got arrested when they were found because the neighbor called the police and there were witnesses. Incidentally he also filed federal crimial charges against the 3. I want to file this divorce a.s.a.p. before she realizes shes hungry or whatever and makes him change his mind. I have no doubt that with access to his apartment there could be more trouble or theft of his personal property. I am so lost on how to go about this. I don't know what impact the Military law is if there really is military guidelines on divorce, Anybody??? because I got nothing here How do you do a voidable marriage in PA?
Thank you for taking the time to respond. The night that I first wrote of this I couldn't sleep because I was so worried. After I wrote about 2 hours later, at 2:00 am. We recieved a call that my Son was attacked. by the boyfriend. The police were called and the wifes boyfriend ran away. When the police question my sons wife she said she saw nothing at all. The Police who could tell something went down said to her, Do you know we could arrest you for perjury right now? She said What ever. This according to the deputy who took the call. My son locked his doors and windows and went to sleep. 2 more hours later, 3 of the boyfriends buddys broke down his door and attacked him with bats, and golf clubs. At 4:30 am we got a call again this time saying that my son was in the hospital with a head injury. I could not get informatioin from the hospital because they couldn't prove I was his Mother over the phone. So we flew down there on the first available flight. He finally said he was ready for file for divorce. She left with the boyfriend and moved into a trailer. The Military told my son that he has to provide for her until the final divorce decree is signed. That also means that if she leaves of her own accord he still has to provide keys for her to enter "their" apartment. Now, what scares me is, what if and this is clearly just hypothetical what if, their intent was to kill him and make her eleigable to recieve his life insurance since boyfriend or her don't and won't work ? He filed charges against the boyfriend but the sheriffs dept said it had to be written on a form because the first attack would be his word against the boyfriends and hard to prove since wifey didn't see anything? However the other three got arrested when they were found because the neighbor called the police and there were witnesses. Incidentally he also filed federal crimial charges against the 3. I want to file this divorce a.s.a.p. before she realizes shes hungry or whatever and makes him change his mind. I have no doubt that with access to his apartment there could be more trouble or theft of his personal property. I am so lost on how to go about this. I don't know what impact the Military law is if there really is military guidelines on divorce, Anybody??? because I got nothing here How do you do a voidable marriage in PA?
Shay-Pari'e
Senior Member
There are many things that could be done in this situation. Your son needs to talk to JAG, Get a referral to a civilian attorney and get restraining orders in place, along with pressing criminal charges.
Please keep in mind that JAG can help, but not represent.
Please keep in mind that JAG can help, but not represent.
The Military told my son that he has to provide for her until the final divorce decree is signed. That also means that if she leaves of her own accord he still has to provide keys for her to enter "their" apartment.
Not exactly...
Have him file for a P.O. from the wife and boyfriend. This, along with the assault charges are enough fro him to keep the apartment for the time being. He will, eventually, have to move in the barracks (dorms), but she will have no right to the property.
All he has to provide for her is his BAH... That's roughly $757?/month (whatever the current rate is for the area/his rank), not a penny more. He needs a new bank account in his name only, and he can set up an allotment to the old account for the exact BAH amount.
hello
I didn't finsih reading all of this..but i can tell you that there is nothing this girel can really do to your sons job in the air force..tell him to go get a divorce there are divorce place all over the surrounding areas of all bases...depends on the state and all but i would get on it and have her benifits taken away ASAP...
I didn't finsih reading all of this..but i can tell you that there is nothing this girel can really do to your sons job in the air force..tell him to go get a divorce there are divorce place all over the surrounding areas of all bases...depends on the state and all but i would get on it and have her benifits taken away ASAP...