Abandonment question

[newmomma123]

Hi, I'm the mother of a 1 month old in Massachusetts. The father, who broke up with me when I wouldn't get an abortion, is living in Texas.

He has offered no support, even throughout the pregnancy. After meeting her he decided that he wants nothing to do with her. However, his family wants to be involved.

Even though this scumbag does not want to be a father I am afraid that after awhile the family will convince him to file for custody.

Would he be able to come out of nowhere in the future and try for custody? When would it be considered abandonment?

Thanks in advance.

 

[Isis1]

Yes! He absolutely has the right to file for visitation rights all the way until the child's 18th birthday. Same as if you handed the child over to dad the day the child was born. Regardless if dad's family was involved or not.

See, here's the thing. Legally, it's not abandonment until he is legally established as the father. In a court room.

And legally, he owes no child support for a child not legally his, until a court orders otherwise

 

[TheGeekess]

Until Putative Dad is legally declared Dad, there can be no abandonment.

Putative Dad doesn't owe you any support, financial or otherwise, since this is an unmarried situation. If you had wanted all of that during pregnancy, you should have been married. Putative Dad has the right to file to establish paternity, child support and custody/visitation until Baby is of legal age. You also have that right.

 

[InfantCustody]

Hi, I'm the mother of a 1 month old in Massachusetts. The father, who broke up with me when I wouldn't get an abortion, is living in Texas.

He has offered no support, even throughout the pregnancy. After meeting her he decided that he wants nothing to do with her. However, his family wants to be involved.

Even though this scumbag does not want to be a father I am afraid that after awhile the family will convince him to file for custody.

Would he be able to come out of nowhere in the future and try for custody? When would it be considered abandonment?

Thanks in advance.

Did Dad sign an AOP or is he listed on the birth certificate?

Dad has the right to file down the road, as crappy as that may be. He can show up when she is 7 and decide he wants to all the sudden be the parent of the year. Once she is older, Dad would have a gradual period of slowly increasing visits to allow the child to get used to him, but he would get visitation and eventually overnights.

Whether his family does or does not see the child does not matter in any way. That is a moral issue for you to decide on.

Dad can't abandon something that he "legally" doesn't have.

 

[newmomma123]

Thanks for the responses.

If I file to establish paternity and he is declared the father on the birth certificate, could it be considered abandonment if he shows up years down the road?

I do not want anything from him, I just want him to stay gone. One day he might try for custody, not because he wants to know this wonderful girl, but because he realizes how lonely and futile his life is.

Is there anything I can do to prevent him from coming in and out of her life or will he always have the right to file for custody of a child he doesn't even want?

 

[CJane]

My advice? Stop worrying about it. Live your life, raise your child, and see what happens down the road. I know you WANT to plan for every possible contingency, but you can't. And the sooner you wrap your head around that little bundle of parenting knowledge, the better off you'll be.

At this point, just as Dad owes YOU and that CHILD nothing, YOU don't owe HIM anything at all either. So move on. Stop looking over your shoulder. If and when he decides he wants visitation with the child, deal with it then. There's nothing to deal with regarding that NOW.

 

[InfantCustody]

Thanks for the responses.

If I file to establish paternity and he is declared the father on the birth certificate, could it be considered abandonment if he shows up years down the road?

I do not want anything from him, I just want him to stay gone. One day he might try for custody, not because he wants to know this wonderful girl, but because he realizes how lonely and futile his life is.

Is there anything I can do to prevent him from coming in and out of her life or will he always have the right to file for custody of a child he doesn't even want?

If you file for the establishment of paternity, and he is listed on the birth certificate, then it would be considered abandonment if he is absent and then shows back up BUT you run the risk of him filing for joint custody and visitation NOW.

Also, abandonment may not get you what you want. While abandonment is GROUNDS for termination of parental rights, plenty of parents have "abandoned their children" (not been involved) and then come around later only to regain visitation or custody. It is entirely up to the judge whether or not they allow him to re-enter a child's life after an absence, but more than likely he would be allowed to gain visitation, as judges want BOTH parents involved in a child's life.

 

[LeemonGator]

My advice? Stop worrying about it. Live your life, raise your child, and see what happens down the road. I know you WANT to plan for every possible contingency, but you can't. And the sooner you wrap your head around that little bundle of parenting knowledge, the better off you'll be.

At this point, just as Dad owes YOU and that CHILD nothing, YOU don't owe HIM anything at all either. So move on. Stop looking over your shoulder. If and when he decides he wants visitation with the child, deal with it then. There's nothing to deal with regarding that NOW.

Very accurate, IMO. I have learned this is a good stance to take. Don't look over your shoulder.

If you are PLANNING to legally cut dad out, then you'd have to have parentage determined first. And bringing him into court, in my opinion, could be risky for what you want.

In the end, you won't be able to control the dad abandoning child.

 

[newmomma123]

Thank you all for the responses.

Well, it seems the only thing I have on my side is the fact that he would never give up 25 percent of his income for child support (he has made it clear that his income is more important than visitation).

 

[Antigone*]

Thank you all for the responses.

Well, it seems the only thing I have on my side is the fact that he would never give up 25 percent of his income for child support (he has made it clear that his income is more important than visitation).

Until such time that he is declared dad, none of that matters. You don't need to allow visitation with him or his family. Let me also mention that if you do entertain visitation with his family and then yank it when you get angry, you'll be setting a horrible precedence.

 

[newmomma123]

Antigone, we've done a paternity test (an official one, but it was not through the courts) and at that time I gave him the paper work to acknowledge paternity. I filled it out so all he had to do was sign and notarize it, but he never sent it back to me.

I'd like to keep contact with his family, as we have always got along well and they have shown that they genuinely care for my daughter. I would like to visit them and allow them the chance to get to know her - but I definitely have to think over that situation a bit more.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Unless their son goes thru the motions of going to court, it would be like you visiting a family friend somewhere. They are not technically any relative of your child AT.THIS.TIME.