Abide by court order

[SandieTN]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Tennessee

My H has primary custody of his 7yo daughter, as of September 17th; H's ex- has Wednesday afternoons and EOWeekend visitation. The decision was given September 13th, and court order filed September 17th. We now have a certified copy in hand.

BM is already failing to abide by the orders. She says she cannot make it to pick her up from school, because she has a son to pick up from another school at the same time. So, H's sister takes daughter home with her, and BM can pick up there. Then, BM asked if she could keep daughter overnight, and return to school the next morning. H told her no, that we are trying to get her settled into a routine.

My H is trying to be agreeable, and feels sorry for BM; at what point does he need to say "no" to BM, and let's "abide by the court orders". We don't want any more trouble, and certainly don't want another court battle. How will the Judge feel if H and BM don't abide by the orders only 2 weeks after they are written? Opinions, please.

Sandie

 

[VeronicaGia]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Tennessee

My H has primary custody of his 7yo daughter, as of September 17th; H's ex- has Wednesday afternoons and EOWeekend visitation. The decision was given September 13th, and court order filed September 17th. We now have a certified copy in hand.

BM is already failing to abide by the orders. She says she cannot make it to pick her up from school, because she has a son to pick up from another school at the same time. So, H's sister takes daughter home with her, and BM can pick up there. Then, BM asked if she could keep daughter overnight, and return to school the next morning. H told her no, that we are trying to get her settled into a routine.

My H is trying to be agreeable, and feels sorry for BM; at what point does he need to say "no" to BM, and let's "abide by the court orders". We don't want any more trouble, and certainly don't want another court battle. How will the Judge feel if H and BM don't abide by the orders only 2 weeks after they are written? Opinions, please.

Sandie

The court order is the court order. Technically if she doesn't pick the child up at her court ordered time (or within a reasonable amount of time) she forfiets her visitation. Your H and certainly his sister are under no obligation to work outside of the court order.

I agree that this could be just one more battle. But why exactly didn't the ex tell the judge that the appointed time would not work since she has another child in school who also has to be picked up?

H is under no obligation to allow an overnight visit when it is not court ordered. If you could count on it being EVERY WEEK, then maybe your H could consider it a gesture of goodwill. But at her whim, no.

Personally, at this point, I'd say stick strictly to the court order for a while. See how it goes. If she doesn't like it, there is nothing you can do to stop her from taking it to court. However, she'll look kinda stupid saying to the judge that "he insists on following the court order word for word!" Duh!

I also think your husband should consider putting it in writing:

Dear X:

On September 13, 2004 Judge ________ ordered that your appointed visitation schedule would be every Wednesday from _____time to ____time and every other weekend. You are already asking to deviate from the court order because it is inconvenient for you to pick up our child from school AND you want to keep the child overnight. I have already deviated by coming to an agreement with you to pick up child at my sisters house instead of school. Unfortunately I am bound by the terms of the court order and cannot agree with this arrangement, especially while I am trying to get _____(child's name) on a consistent schedule.

Send it registered mail, return receipt requested. Do not sound rude, mean or disrespectful. Edit it to say what you want, be sure to include you have already bended to accommodate her but at this point it would be inconvenient for the child to change the schedule more.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Tennessee

My H has primary custody of his 7yo daughter, as of September 17th; H's ex- has Wednesday afternoons and EOWeekend visitation. The decision was given September 13th, and court order filed September 17th. We now have a certified copy in hand.

BM is already failing to abide by the orders. She says she cannot make it to pick her up from school, because she has a son to pick up from another school at the same time. So, H's sister takes daughter home with her, and BM can pick up there. Then, BM asked if she could keep daughter overnight, and return to school the next morning. H told her no, that we are trying to get her settled into a routine.

My H is trying to be agreeable, and feels sorry for BM; at what point does he need to say "no" to BM, and let's "abide by the court orders". We don't want any more trouble, and certainly don't want another court battle. How will the Judge feel if H and BM don't abide by the orders only 2 weeks after they are written? Opinions, please.

Sandie

Well...I personally think that you are looking at this from the wrong point of view to some degree. I don't see this as her not abiding by the order.

Technically, it isn't possible to be at two places at the same time. Therefore something had to give there. A judge would expect the two parents to work that out...and they did.

Also, a visitation schedule is a MINIMUM amount of time for the parent and child to spend together. There is nothing technically wrong with her asking for extra time, and nothing technically wrong with your husband saying no to her request either.

Your husband doesn't have to give her any more than what the order says. He is completely free to say no. However she is also free to ASK.

 

[SMURFEELAW]

Technically, it isn't possible to be at two places at the same time. Therefore something had to give there. A judge would expect the two parents to work that out...and they did.

But on that note a judge would probably expect for the mom to have worked out someone else picking up her other child in order to stick to the order. But that is moot since they came to an agreement and it doesn't seem to be the biggest of deals.

 

[SandieTN]

Thanks for your responses. BM has now contacted her attorney, who wrote our attorney asking to deviate from the order "in the interest" of the child. Our attorney forwarded the letter to us, telling H to repond "at his convenience". He said he knows what he has to say, in the best interest of daughter he wants to keep the orders as written. But, he knows there will be backlash when he does; so he is hesitating.

Just so you will know, H offered joint custody before the action was over filed. BM refused. He offered joint custody, and continue to pay child support, if she would only make it legal. BM refused. He offered full joint custody by way of settlement, when BM asked for a continuance just before original trial date. BM refused. He offered mediation and attempted negotiation after filing the action. BM refused. Now, she wants to negotiate; because the orders are not what she wants. H told BM all along, if it went to trial, neither of them were going to happy with the outcome; but the Judge would rule, and they would both have to live with it.

H preferred negotiation, and settlement; she BM refused every offer he ever made. So, he really doesn't feel inclined to negotiate with her now. We have also found out the other son is riding the bus home from school; BM is not picking him up, but she still can't make it to school to pick up SD. She will not be told what to do.