adopting boyfriend's son

[hoopd]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Minnesota

My boyfriend has had full custody of his son since he was 6 months old. So I too have been raising him since that time. He is now 2 1/2. The child's biological mother has recently asked me if I would be interested in adopting him. I'm trying to not get my hopes up too much because I know this is due to the state taking her to court for child support.

However, if she truly is willing to do this what are my chances that this can happen since I am not actually married to the child's father?

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Minnesota

My boyfriend has had full custody of his son since he was 6 months old. So I too have been raising him since that time. He is now 2 1/2. The child's biological mother has recently asked me if I would be interested in adopting him. I'm trying to not get my hopes up too much because I know this is due to the state taking her to court for child support.

However, if she truly is willing to do this what are my chances that this can happen since I am not actually married to the child's father?

You can't do a "step-parent adoption" because you are not a step-parent.
You MAY be able to adopt the child outright, but then you'd be the ONLY parent. Is that what BF wants?

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Minnesota

My boyfriend has had full custody of his son since he was 6 months old. So I too have been raising him since that time. He is now 2 1/2. The child's biological mother has recently asked me if I would be interested in adopting him. I'm trying to not get my hopes up too much because I know this is due to the state taking her to court for child support.

However, if she truly is willing to do this what are my chances that this can happen since I am not actually married to the child's father?

So why haven't you and boyfriend gotten married?

 

[mistoffolees]

You can't do a "step-parent adoption" because you are not a step-parent.
You MAY be able to adopt the child outright, but then you'd be the ONLY parent. Is that what BF wants?

Both good points.

HOWEVER, even if they do get married and OP can adopt - so that she and Dad are the two parents - I'd seriously recommend holding off.

First, read all the stories here about people who have adopted and then their new marriage broke up - and they ended up supporting their 'new' child. You may be OK with that, but think about it.

Second, think about the effect on the child. "Mommy abandoned me" has got to be a very painful thing - even at that young age.

Finally, Mom should be paying child support. Even if Dad doesn't need the money right now, it could be going into a college fund for the kids - or save it for a rainy day.

I almost adopted my stepdaughters, but at this point, I'm glad I didn't.

 

[hoopd]

wow i didnt know that my boyfriend would be losing his rights. That is not what I want and especially not what he wants.

Neither one of us are really fans of marriage. (Not that either one of us has ever been married lol)

My boyfriend and I have our own son together so even if I didnt want his other son in my life if we broke up he would be there anyways.

This child is going to already have mommy abandonment issues. He already only knows me as mommy, and he has not seen his bio mom since august and the last time before that was march.

I know she is just thinking of giving him up for adoption so she can get out of paying child support.

I worry everyday that if something happens to my boyfriend this child will immediately go back to a women that last custody of him at 6 months old due to obvious signs of neglect. This child will have REAL mommy abandonment issues then.

 

[Silverplum]

wow i didnt know that my boyfriend would be losing his rights. That is not what I want and especially not what he wants.

Neither one of us are really fans of marriage. (Not that either one of us has ever been married lol)

My boyfriend and I have our own son together so even if I didnt want his other son in my life if we broke up he would be there anyways.

This child is going to already have mommy abandonment issues. He already only knows me as mommy, and he has not seen his bio mom since august and the last time before that was march.

I know she is just thinking of giving him up for adoption so she can get out of paying child support.

I worry everyday that if something happens to my boyfriend this child will immediately go back to a women that last custody of him at 6 months old due to obvious signs of neglect. This child will have REAL mommy abandonment issues then.

Then get married and adopt, for the sake of that child.

 

[Zigner]

wow i didnt know that my boyfriend would be losing his rights. That is not what I want and especially not what he wants.

Neither one of us are really fans of marriage. (Not that either one of us has ever been married lol)

Then why bother with an adoption? I mean...it's just another piece of paper, right?

 

[CSO286]

Then why bother with an adoption? I mean...it's just another piece of paper, right?

LOL!!!!!

 

[Just Blue]

LOL!!!!!

Isn't a "hoopd" a POS car?

 

[CSO286]

Isn't a "hoopd" a POS car?

Pretty sure you're right.

 

[Just Blue]

Pretty sure you're right.

Why would a ...person...have a user name that equates to POS? Especially in an adoption forum? Is she trying to "tell us" something???

 

[RRevak]

Pretty sure you're right.

Generally speaking yes, a "hoopd" equates to a POS car. And thanks to this thread I now have that Adam Sandler song running through my head ("POS car, I gotta POS car"

 

[hoopd]

or...... hoopd is somehow related to my real name. i didnt realize the indepth analysis i would receive lol


so ...... if boyfriend dies (not that he is dying or anything purely hypothetical), what are chances of me getting custody vs bio mom who doesnt really see him?

 

[Silverplum]

or...... hoopd is somehow related to my real name. i didnt realize the indepth analysis i would receive lol


so ...... if boyfriend dies (not that he is dying or anything purely hypothetical), what are chances of me getting custody vs bio mom who doesnt really see him?

Zero chance.

 

[Proserpina]

or...... hoopd is somehow related to my real name. i didnt realize the indepth analysis i would receive lol


so ...... if boyfriend dies (not that he is dying or anything purely hypothetical), what are chances of me getting custody vs bio mom who doesnt really see him?

MN does recognize "de facto parent" standing...but the conditions are a little tricky.

So if anything happened...you would NEED an attorney, and one familiar with this:

https://www.revisor.mn.gov/statutes/?id=257C&view=chapter