Adoption and fathers right

[AdoptionIsLove]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Nevada

I am 15 and foolishly got in trouble, becoming pregnant by my 16 year old boyfriend, although we are no longer together. I want to give our child up for adoption to a couple who is willing to pay for the adoption and who wants to and can love this child. We are not on good terms, nor are our families. My ex-boyfriend is upset that I want to adopt the baby out and is insisting that when I give birth he and his family will take care of the baby and keep her. I don't want that to happen. His family lives well below the poverty line and is on govt assistance and I don't agree that their home is a safe and healthy environment for our unborn child. If I have this baby here in Las Vegas, will I be able to give her up for adoption to this family? They live in Utah and willing to come here for me to have baby or for me to come my last 2 months of pregnancy and stay with them to have it there. Please advise. Neither my ex-boyfriend and I are in any position to care for this child, and not just financially, but especially emotionally. He comes from an abusive home (verbally, mentally and physically) and I just don't know what to do. My parents don't have the money for an attorney, but willing to fight to keep this child out of that home. What are my options?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Nevada

I am 15 and foolishly got in trouble, becoming pregnant by my 16 year old boyfriend, although we are no longer together. I want to give our child up for adoption to a couple who is willing to pay for the adoption and who wants to and can love this child. We are not on good terms, nor are our families. My ex-boyfriend is upset that I want to adopt the baby out and is insisting that when I give birth he and his family will take care of the baby and keep her. I don't want that to happen. His family lives well below the poverty line and is on govt assistance and I don't agree that their home is a safe and healthy environment for our unborn child. If I have this baby here in Las Vegas, will I be able to give her up for adoption to this family? They live in Utah and willing to come here for me to have baby or for me to come my last 2 months of pregnancy and stay with them to have it there. Please advise. Neither my ex-boyfriend and I are in any position to care for this child, and not just financially, but especially emotionally. He comes from an abusive home (verbally, mentally and physically) and I just don't know what to do. My parents don't have the money for an attorney, but willing to fight to keep this child out of that home. What are my options?

You cannot place the child for adoption without the putative father's consent.

(Or, by going to court after the child's birth and convincing the court that he is not fit and therefore should have parental rights stripped involuntarily..once they've been established).

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Nevada

I am 15 and foolishly got in trouble, becoming pregnant by my 16 year old boyfriend, although we are no longer together. I want to give our child up for adoption to a couple who is willing to pay for the adoption and who wants to and can love this child. We are not on good terms, nor are our families. My ex-boyfriend is upset that I want to adopt the baby out and is insisting that when I give birth he and his family will take care of the baby and keep her. I don't want that to happen. His family lives well below the poverty line and is on govt assistance and I don't agree that their home is a safe and healthy environment for our unborn child. If I have this baby here in Las Vegas, will I be able to give her up for adoption to this family? They live in Utah and willing to come here for me to have baby or for me to come my last 2 months of pregnancy and stay with them to have it there. Please advise. Neither my ex-boyfriend and I are in any position to care for this child, and not just financially, but especially emotionally. He comes from an abusive home (verbally, mentally and physically) and I just don't know what to do. My parents don't have the money for an attorney, but willing to fight to keep this child out of that home. What are my options?

I don't know who you are in this mess...but I doubt you are the 15 year old "mother".
Do not BS this site. Just Don't.

 

[Proserpina]

I don't know who you are in this mess...but I doubt you are the 15 year old "mother".
Do not BS this site. Just Don't.

GPs on Mother's side.

 

[AdoptionIsLove]

Blue Meanie, You DON'T know who I am, but I AM the 15 year old mother. I am sitting here with my aunt who told me about this site so I am the one who just wrote my side of the story. I've had to grow up real fast in the last 7 months, because when I first got pregnant I thought I was happy, then with some counseling and some sense talked into me realized I don't want to me a mom. So, how about you just ignore my post and move on to insult someone else who needs some advice.

 

[AdoptionIsLove]

You cannot place the child for adoption without the putative father's consent.

(Or, by going to court after the child's birth and convincing the court that he is not fit and therefore should have parental rights stripped involuntarily..once they've been established).

I didn't think so. My parents wanted me to go back to the South Pacific where my father is from and have the baby there then hanai it to family members of mine. Hanai is a term we use when we have our babies raised by other family members who are older than we are. Hanai'ing a child is usually done by teenage parents or adult parents who are unfit, but don't want to adopt the child outside of the family.

 

[Proserpina]

I didn't think so. My parents wanted me to go back to the South Pacific where my father is from and have the baby there then hanai it to family members of mine. Hanai is a term we use when we have our babies raised by other family members who are older than we are. Hanai'ing a child is usually done by teenage parents or adult parents who are unfit, but don't want to adopt the child outside of the family.

I cannot and will not condone that. Putative Dad has a support system, and he will get help if he needs it - there's no reason to take the child away from his/her father.

However the legal reality is that you can move wherever you want (with your parents consent) PRIOR to birth and Dad can't stop you.

If he wanted to contest the adoption he would have to do so wherever you were, in accordance with local laws and procedures.

 

[Just Blue]

I cannot and will not condone that. Putative Dad has a support system, and he will get help if he needs it - there's no reason to take the child away from his/her father.

However the legal reality is that you can move wherever you want (with your parents consent) PRIOR to birth and Dad can't stop you.

If he wanted to contest the adoption he would have to do so wherever you were, in accordance with local laws and procedures.

ACTUALLY!! Many states allow a potential father to file for paternity BEFORE the child is born. THUS preventing the mother from leaving the state. Washington State is one. Cali is another.

A mother such as OP (gag gag) can not just "decide" to abscond with a child and make the decision to deny the alleged father ANY HOPE of contact.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Depends on WHERE in the south pacific the OP wants to go. American Samoa is still a US territory. Put in something like Fiji or whatever and all bets can be off.

 

[Proserpina]

ACTUALLY!! Many states allow a potential father to file for paternity BEFORE the child is born. THUS preventing the mother from leaving the state. Washington State is one. Cali is another.

A mother such as OP (gag gag) can not just "decide" to abscond with a child and make the decision to deny the alleged father ANY HOPE of contact.

Blue, I know what you're saying - but the reality here is that Nevada is not one of those States. She can go wherever she wants.

I had already checked before I posted.

Not to hijack - but WA? I'd love to see that statute (given our family's delightful personal circumstances ).

 

[AdoptionIsLove]

I told my aunt and family no one would be kind to a young stupid teenager like me on this forum, but I thought I'd give it a shot anyway. It would actually be in Tonga, to the person who mentioned American Samoa. I'm not going. It was a suggestion and out of desperateness to get this child to a family who can and will care for her, not because I want to be hurtful to the father. He does not want the child! His mom and grandma want the child because it will add one more to the number in the household to increase govt benefits. He doesn't care! If I were to go to Tonga and have this child and live there which I don't want to nor plan to, he or they would never spend a dime to get custody or rights established. That's the plain truth of the matter. I feel like I might be forced to have this child and keep this child and live with my parents and raise this child while completing high school then on to college. I was told and now believe that I can show her the most love by giving her to a family who can give her a happy and healthy life. I feel I have to keep the baby to keep her out of her father's home and his family's home and don't want to do that. I think I'll ask my mom to help me and maybe we can call adoption agencies here in town to ask their advice. I don't want to move, I don't want to run away, I simply want to give this child up for adoption. If I keep this child, I can almost guarantee he will never fight to see her legally, he will never pay a dime toward her welfare and he will insist that I apply for government assistance to help with his lack. My parents can afford to take care of this child, but I don't want this burden on them or the problems from my ex-boyfriend and his family. Thanks to those of you who aren't trying to judge me with the very little info you know.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I told my aunt and family no one would be kind to a young stupid teenager like me on this forum, but I thought I'd give it a shot anyway. It would actually be in Tonga, to the person who mentioned American Samoa. I'm not going. It was a suggestion and out of desperateness to get this child to a family who can and will care for her, not because I want to be hurtful to the father. He does not want the child! His mom and grandma want the child because it will add one more to the number in the household to increase govt benefits. He doesn't care! If I were to go to Tonga and have this child and live there which I don't want to nor plan to, he or they would never spend a dime to get custody or rights established. That's the plain truth of the matter. I feel like I might be forced to have this child and keep this child and live with my parents and raise this child while completing high school then on to college. I was told and now believe that I can show her the most love by giving her to a family who can give her a happy and healthy life. I feel I have to keep the baby to keep her out of her father's home and his family's home and don't want to do that. I think I'll ask my mom to help me and maybe we can call adoption agencies here in town to ask their advice. I don't want to move, I don't want to run away, I simply want to give this child up for adoption. If I keep this child, I can almost guarantee he will never fight to see her legally, he will never pay a dime toward her welfare and he will insist that I apply for government assistance to help with his lack. My parents can afford to take care of this child, but I don't want this burden on them or the problems from my ex-boyfriend and his family. Thanks to those of you who aren't trying to judge me with the very little info you know.

If you go to Utah and have the baby there, all court proceedings would be in Utah. If the putative father wants to go for custody, he'll have to do it in UTAH. If he isn't interested in raising the child, he may also give up parental rights. If he really wants to raise the child, he'll go thru the motions then.

I agree that 15 & 16 is too young to be raising children. You need to finish school.

 

[Proserpina]

I told my aunt and family no one would be kind to a young stupid teenager like me on this forum, but I thought I'd give it a shot anyway. It would actually be in Tonga, to the person who mentioned American Samoa. I'm not going. It was a suggestion and out of desperateness to get this child to a family who can and will care for her, not because I want to be hurtful to the father. He does not want the child! His mom and grandma want the child because it will add one more to the number in the household to increase govt benefits. He doesn't care! If I were to go to Tonga and have this child and live there which I don't want to nor plan to, he or they would never spend a dime to get custody or rights established. That's the plain truth of the matter. I feel like I might be forced to have this child and keep this child and live with my parents and raise this child while completing high school then on to college. I was told and now believe that I can show her the most love by giving her to a family who can give her a happy and healthy life. I feel I have to keep the baby to keep her out of her father's home and his family's home and don't want to do that. I think I'll ask my mom to help me and maybe we can call adoption agencies here in town to ask their advice. I don't want to move, I don't want to run away, I simply want to give this child up for adoption. If I keep this child, I can almost guarantee he will never fight to see her legally, he will never pay a dime toward her welfare and he will insist that I apply for government assistance to help with his lack. My parents can afford to take care of this child, but I don't want this burden on them or the problems from my ex-boyfriend and his family. Thanks to those of you who aren't trying to judge me with the very little info you know.

I'll reiterate:

In this country, you cannot place the child for adoption without the father's consent, or consent from the court.

A few points though:

1. If you apply for government assistance, the State of Nevada WILL go after him for reimbursement.

2. Honestly - he was good enough for you to sleep with, so the court truly trusts your decision and thinks he's ample parenting material.

3. And seriously - if you (or anyone else for that matter) think that the extra government benefits obtained by the addition of a newborn actually outweigh the COSTS of that newborn..you're delusional.

But, we see it here all the time. People claiming that the Other Parent/family can't possibly want the child because they actually WANT the child. It's always - ALWAYS -because they want more money.

And it's frankly rarely the case.

 

[AdoptionIsLove]

If you go to Utah and have the baby there, all court proceedings would be in Utah. If the putative father wants to go for custody, he'll have to do it in UTAH. If he isn't interested in raising the child, he may also give up parental rights. If he really wants to raise the child, he'll go thru the motions then.

I agree that 15 & 16 is too young to be raising children. You need to finish school.

If I went to Utah where the family is who want to adopt this child, like I said in my earlier post, he won't fight for custody or try to support this child. He won't do it where ever I go. If I keep the child in Las Vegas, he will simply try to come over and see the baby and ask for the baby, but never do anything legally. He and his family have already threatened that when I give birth since I want to give it up for adoption they will simply just come and take her away from me.

 

[Proserpina]

If I went to Utah where the family is who want to adopt this child, like I said in my earlier post, he won't fight for custody or try to support this child. He won't do it where ever I go. If I keep the child in Las Vegas, he will simply try to come over and see the baby and ask for the baby, but never do anything legally. He and his family have already threatened that when I give birth since I want to give it up for adoption they will simply just come and take her away from me.

This makes no sense at all, I'm sorry.