Advice Please!

[huntersmommy06]

What is the name of your state? Florida

As a few of you remember my previous posts several months back, I have a situation that occurred today and I could use some advice.

Before I get into it, I do want to say that things have been going very well with my son concerning the overnight visits. Dad usually calls and backs out of a whole weekend (usually just Saturday afternoon to Sunday evening), which suits me just fine (I get lonely without my baby). He (husband) now calls every night to sing to the baby and we are basically on amicable terms now concerning the divorce and our son.

Now on to the situation…….

Today I went to drop off my son at our pickup/drop-off location at 12:00pm. As I was putting the baby in his car seat, I saw marijuana paraphernalia in my husband’s center console. When I called it to his attention (got red in the face and caught red-handed), he stated that he needs it now (several months ago, he said he quit) to get out of bed as he re-injured himself this past week. In my previous posts I stated that my husband settled on a WC Injury claim, and since then he can not receive medical attention, prescriptions, epidurals, etc…. So this is what he says in his only way to alleviate the pain. I am not one to judge what anyone does, but this is illegal and not something I agree with.

His eyes weren’t red or glassy, his speech was normal as were his motor skills, so I said if he wanted to take Hunter with him, he would need to get rid of it and he did as I watched. My son enjoys his time with daddy and I don’t want to inhibit this at all. I don’t care what he does on his own time, but I am concerned about him doing this with our son in his care. My other concerns are that if he gets pulled over for any reason (he did get a speeding ticket last week) and a police officer saw what I did just as easily, what would happen if my son were in the truck with him? Did I handle the situation correctly? If not, what could I do in the future should this occur again? Should I even mention this to my attorney?

Any advice is GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!!!

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Florida

As a few of you remember my previous posts several months back, I have a situation that occurred today and I could use some advice.

Before I get into it, I do want to say that things have been going very well with my son concerning the overnight visits. Dad usually calls and backs out of a whole weekend (usually just Saturday afternoon to Sunday evening), which suits me just fine (I get lonely without my baby). He (husband) now calls every night to sing to the baby and we are basically on amicable terms now concerning the divorce and our son.

Now on to the situation…….

Today I went to drop off my son at our pickup/drop-off location at 12:00pm. As I was putting the baby in his car seat, I saw marijuana paraphernalia in my husband’s center console. When I called it to his attention (got red in the face and caught red-handed), he stated that he needs it now (several months ago, he said he quit) to get out of bed as he re-injured himself this past week. In my previous posts I stated that my husband settled on a WC Injury claim, and since then he can not receive medical attention, prescriptions, epidurals, etc…. So this is what he says in his only way to alleviate the pain. I am not one to judge what anyone does, but this is illegal and not something I agree with.

His eyes weren’t red or glassy, his speech was normal as were his motor skills, so I said if he wanted to take Hunter with him, he would need to get rid of it and he did as I watched. My son enjoys his time with daddy and I don’t want to inhibit this at all. I don’t care what he does on his own time, but I am concerned about him doing this with our son in his care. My other concerns are that if he gets pulled over for any reason (he did get a speeding ticket last week) and a police officer saw what I did just as easily, what would happen if my son were in the truck with him? Did I handle the situation correctly? If not, what could I do in the future should this occur again? Should I even mention this to my attorney?

Any advice is GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!!!

If he got arrested with your son in the car, your son would be taken into protective custody. You might get your son back within a few hours....but it might take as much as a few weeks. You need to seriously impress this upon dad.

 

[huntersmommy06]

If he got arrested with your son in the car, your son would be taken into protective custody. You might get your son back within a few hours....but it might take as much as a few weeks. You need to seriously impress this upon dad.

WEEKS????? OMG! I told him how serious it was today when I saw this, but he didn't seem too concerned. Is there a site that states info about protective custody so that I could give to him? Should I give this info to my attorney?

 

[purdylucky]

What is the name of your state? Florida

As a few of you remember my previous posts several months back, I have a situation that occurred today and I could use some advice.

Before I get into it, I do want to say that things have been going very well with my son concerning the overnight visits. Dad usually calls and backs out of a whole weekend (usually just Saturday afternoon to Sunday evening), which suits me just fine (I get lonely without my baby). He (husband) now calls every night to sing to the baby and we are basically on amicable terms now concerning the divorce and our son.

Now on to the situation…….

Today I went to drop off my son at our pickup/drop-off location at 12:00pm. As I was putting the baby in his car seat, I saw marijuana paraphernalia in my husband’s center console. When I called it to his attention (got red in the face and caught red-handed), he stated that he needs it now (several months ago, he said he quit) to get out of bed as he re-injured himself this past week. In my previous posts I stated that my husband settled on a WC Injury claim, and since then he can not receive medical attention, prescriptions, epidurals, etc…. So this is what he says in his only way to alleviate the pain. I am not one to judge what anyone does, but this is illegal and not something I agree with.

His eyes weren’t red or glassy, his speech was normal as were his motor skills, so I said if he wanted to take Hunter with him, he would need to get rid of it and he did as I watched. My son enjoys his time with daddy and I don’t want to inhibit this at all. I don’t care what he does on his own time, but I am concerned about him doing this with our son in his care. My other concerns are that if he gets pulled over for any reason (he did get a speeding ticket last week) and a police officer saw what I did just as easily, what would happen if my son were in the truck with him? Did I handle the situation correctly? If not, what could I do in the future should this occur again? Should I even mention this to my attorney?

Any advice is GREATLY APPRECIATED!!!!!

Keep in mind that this is only my opinion....you handled it correctly, if he were to get pulled over with the items in the car he could face serious charges above and beyond simple traffic tickets and he needs to know this. Also, protective services could not only lay blame with him for having the items, but you as well for knowing the items where in the vehicle or residence and not done more. As to telling your attorney, tell him, write it down in a journal. DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT. You never know when you might need this information for future proceedings. By the way, marijuana does come in pill form that is legal with prescription. I am in a similiar situation and made the mistake of being nice. Once again, Just MY opinion.

 

[huntersmommy06]

Also, protective services could not only lay blame with him for having the items, but you as well for knowing the items where in the vehicle or residence and not done more.

I was just fortunate in this instance that dad couldn't figure out how to put the baby in the car seat, otherwise, I would not have seen it.

As to telling your attorney, tell him, write it down in a journal.

I document EVERYTHING (even the nice conversations). At the same time, though, dad could just deny that the situation even happened. What could/should I do if that occurs?

 

[purdylucky]

I was just fortunate in this instance that dad couldn't figure out how to put the baby in the car seat, otherwise, I would not have seen it.



I document EVERYTHING (even the nice conversations). At the same time, though, dad could just deny that the situation even happened. What could/should I do if that occurs?

With drug accusations, a UA could clear that up. I have found from experience, that if one lies, they continue to lie and eventually slip somewhere. All you can do is tell you attorney, or next time if it happens again, call the authorities to report it. Sorry if I am not more help. I hate the fact that when we know that someone is jeopardizing our children and we know it for a fact, we have to continue to jeopardize our children until the court is satisfied, if they ever are. I can't emphasize enough, tell your attorney.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I'm glad to hear that things are going well except for this.

Normally I would give slightly different advice that what I am going to say now and also know some of the other background information that I am not going to mention here. It is possible that Hunter's daddy learns differently than others so his logic is not what you would expect, yet he is trying. It may take him several times to learn by rote what is acceptable. Don't rely on logic in this case. Here is the problem, it is very possible that he was smoking pot to ease pain and in another state like California, he might even have a Rx for it. Remember he has more than his disability from the WC injury, one that affects logic.

If he is permenant and stationary with his W/C case this means that since he is not getting better that he will not get any more treatment. He may be confused as to ongoing care and future treatment and accessability to Rx for pain management. He needs to return to the doctor, report his reinjury and request a Rx for pain medication, which will cost less than the pot even if he has to buy it himself. He may need someone to advocate for him or encourage him to do this. In the mean time, inform your attorney but don't go reporting it to every agency. Let him know to seek medical care for his pain, he can get that W/C or not, inform him of the consequences of getting caught, and that whether or not he uses MJ on his own time, he must not use it within 24 hours of his visit and not to have it in the house or vehicle when Hunter is with him. Write a contract, make it concrete so he understands not only verbal discussion but also has it in written form. Don't forget to thank him for his cooporation in parenting Hunter and that you appreciate his love and relationship with Hunter, keep everything positive, allow a second chance. This is more likely to get his cooporation than attacking and making him defensive.

I especially am happy to hear about the nightly calls.

 

[huntersmommy06]

I'm glad to hear that things are going well except for this.

Normally I would give slightly different advice that what I am going to say now and also know some of the other background information that I am not going to mention here. It is possible that Hunter's daddy learns differently than others so his logic is not what you would expect, yet he is trying. It may take him several times to learn by rote what is acceptable. Don't rely on logic in this case. Here is the problem, it is very possible that he was smoking pot to ease pain and in another state like California, he might even have a Rx for it. Remember he has more than his disability from the WC injury, one that affects logic.

If he is permenant and stationary with his W/C case this means that since he is not getting better that he will not get any more treatment. He may be confused as to ongoing care and future treatment and accessability to Rx for pain management. He needs to return to the doctor, report his reinjury and request a Rx for pain medication, which will cost less than the pot even if he has to buy it himself. He may need someone to advocate for him or encourage him to do this. In the mean time, inform your attorney but don't go reporting it to every agency. Let him know to seek medical care for his pain, he can get that W/C or not, inform him of the consequences of getting caught, and that whether or not he uses MJ on his own time, he must not use it within 24 hours of his visit and not to have it in the house or vehicle when Hunter is with him. Write a contract, make it concrete so he understands not only verbal discussion but also has it in written form. Don't forget to thank him for his cooporation in parenting Hunter and that you appreciate his love and relationship with Hunter, keep everything positive, allow a second chance. This is more likely to get his cooporation than attacking and making him defensive.

I especially am happy to hear about the nightly calls.

Thank you so much! You have no idea how much you have helped me rmet(even though I didn't realize it at first! ! I am truly greatful! I have been doing just that with him as I see positive results when we are amicable. I do call him the minute Hunter asks about him and I give him nightly stories about his baby when he does call.

Am I able to add those conditions to our parenting plan or are you suggesting a separate contract? I will make him aware of the consequences. I don't believe he had bad intentions today at all, but I do want to do all that I can to keep Hunter safe.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Thank you so much! You have no idea how much you have helped me rmet(even though I didn't realize it at first! ! I am truly greatful! I have been doing just that with him as I see positive results when we are amicable. I do call him the minute Hunter asks about him and I give him nightly stories about his baby when he does call.

Am I able to add those conditions to our parenting plan or are you suggesting a separate contract? I will make him aware of the consequences. I don't believe he had bad intentions today at all, but I do want to do all that I can to keep Hunter safe.

You are welcome, glad to be of help. There is another FL mommy who doesn't agree with you i'm sure, lol https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?t=236833

I think it best, to keep it separate, between you and him at this point, that will make him less defensive. You don't want it to be a matter of public record sitting in a file somewhere unless he can't comply, as you said, you don't believe he had bad intentions, with pain you just don't think. Give him a chance. If he has pain, it will make thinking straight difficult so he needs to address the pain problems in some fashion. Perhaps one of the thngs he can do as long as it is not the middle of the night is call and talk to Hunter, distraction will help with pain management.

 

[stealth2]

You've come a long way, baby! Good for you!

 

[purdylucky]

I'm glad to hear that things are going well except for this.

Normally I would give slightly different advice that what I am going to say now and also know some of the other background information that I am not going to mention here. It is possible that Hunter's daddy learns differently than others so his logic is not what you would expect, yet he is trying. It may take him several times to learn by rote what is acceptable. Don't rely on logic in this case. Here is the problem, it is very possible that he was smoking pot to ease pain and in another state like California, he might even have a Rx for it. Remember he has more than his disability from the WC injury, one that affects logic.

If he is permenant and stationary with his W/C case this means that since he is not getting better that he will not get any more treatment. He may be confused as to ongoing care and future treatment and accessability to Rx for pain management. He needs to return to the doctor, report his reinjury and request a Rx for pain medication, which will cost less than the pot even if he has to buy it himself. He may need someone to advocate for him or encourage him to do this. In the mean time, inform your attorney but don't go reporting it to every agency. Let him know to seek medical care for his pain, he can get that W/C or not, inform him of the consequences of getting caught, and that whether or not he uses MJ on his own time, he must not use it within 24 hours of his visit and not to have it in the house or vehicle when Hunter is with him. Write a contract, make it concrete so he understands not only verbal discussion but also has it in written form. Don't forget to thank him for his cooporation in parenting Hunter and that you appreciate his love and relationship with Hunter, keep everything positive, allow a second chance. This is more likely to get his cooporation than attacking and making him defensive.

I especially am happy to hear about the nightly calls.

Please forgive me, I now have the tendency to react very defensivly. I am glad that someone with an objective point of view has been able to render their opinion. I wish that I was able to get advice similiar to the above when it was pertinent to me and my case. Best of luck to you and hope that all stays on an amicable front.

 

[huntersmommy06]

You've come a long way, baby! Good for you!

AWWWWWWW! Thanks so much!
You all have been a lot of help to this mommy!

 

[LdiJ]

You are getting really good advice...particularly since it appears that there are parts of this story that others know and I don't. However, back to my comment about protective services...and "weeks".

Unfortunately, yes...if protective services takes a child it sometimes takes weeks for the other parent to get the child released to them. I will give you a true life example.

Two parents. Joint custody 50/50. Mom's husband beat their mutual child so badly that the child almost died (3 years old). Mom took the child to the hospital and the hospital reported it. The older child, 5, happened to also be at the hospital with mom...at the time.

Protective services took both children. It took dad almost a month to get his child back. He had to go through a home study and jump through hoops.

I also know of many cases where parents were arrested when their children were in their custody..and again, as I said, it varied from hours to days to weeks for the other parent (custodial parent or not) to get the children back. They often had to prove that the didn't "enable" the situation.

You can impress this upon dad without bashing or harassing him or damaging the amicable relationship that you are building. I am actually pretty "neutral" when it comes to pot (not other drugs) as long as parents use some basic common sense. I KNOW people who are excellent parents but occasionally smoke pot. I am not saying that I think its right...I am saying that it hasn't diminished their ability to be good parents. The key is making dad realize that he has to use common sense....PLUS, as Rmet says he has to both realize and find that there are other ways to manage his pain.

However there should never be evidence in his car...that is simply foolish. He should never do it the day that he is to pick Hunter up for visitation nor during any time that he has Hunter....nor should there be ANY evidence available during that time either.

 

[Rushia]

You are getting really good advice...particularly since it appears that there are parts of this story that others know and I don't. However, back to my comment about protective services...and "weeks".

Unfortunately, yes...if protective services takes a child it sometimes takes weeks for the other parent to get the child released to them. I will give you a true life example.

Two parents. Joint custody 50/50. Mom's husband beat their mutual child so badly that the child almost died (3 years old). Mom took the child to the hospital and the hospital reported it. The older child, 5, happened to also be at the hospital with mom...at the time.

Protective services took both children. It took dad almost a month to get his child back. He had to go through a home study and jump through hoops.

I also know of many cases where parents were arrested when their children were in their custody..and again, as I said, it varied from hours to days to weeks for the other parent (custodial parent or not) to get the children back. They often had to prove that the didn't "enable" the situation.

You can impress this upon dad without bashing or harassing him or damaging the amicable relationship that you are building. I am actually pretty "neutral" when it comes to pot (not other drugs) as long as parents use some basic common sense. I KNOW people who are excellent parents but occasionally smoke pot. I am not saying that I think its right...I am saying that it hasn't diminished their ability to be good parents. The key is making dad realize that he has to use common sense....PLUS, as Rmet says he has to both realize and find that there are other ways to manage his pain.

However there should never be evidence in his car...that is simply foolish. He should never do it the day that he is to pick Hunter up for visitation nor during any time that he has Hunter....nor should there be ANY evidence available during that time either.

Exactly, and might I add that I find it highly commendable that he actually threw the stuff out right in front of you without a fight. This was actually the final straw between my X and I when I threw him out of the house. He thought it was perfectly OK to smoke up and then drive around with our (at the time) 2.5 and 3 month old. Good for the two of you to take care of the problem without fighting. Good Luck!!!

 

[huntersmommy06]

Exactly, and might I add that I find it highly commendable that he actually threw the stuff out right in front of you without a fight. This was actually the final straw between my X and I when I threw him out of the house. He thought it was perfectly OK to smoke up and then drive around with our (at the time) 2.5 and 3 month old. Good for the two of you to take care of the problem without fighting. Good Luck!!!

Thank you! I am just glad we are at a "settle down" point in this process. This has been one heck of ride so far! I just want our baby to see all the positive things out of life and I hope I can make good decisions for us in the future.