After the adoption the Bio mom wants visitation...

[zander260]

I’ll try to make this as brief as possible. We reside in North Carolina. My parent adopted my sisters 2 children 10 yrs ago. Her and her husband were getting divorced and they both decided that it would be in the best interest of the children if they were raised by my parents. The birth father hasn’t been in the picture since the adoption, my sister has been. Soon after the adoption my sisters whole attitude changed. My guess is that the freedom from responsibility went to her head. A few years after the adoption my father passed. My sister moved in with us soon after. She couldn’t afford to live on her own. Since then my sister has basically been a bully to my mom. (Cussing her , getting in her face, throwing money at her , flipped over a table etc…) If she wanted to go out and do her thing she always pointed out that my parents signed on the dotted line and she didn’t have any children. She played the “mommy” card when it was convenient. We’ve asked her to get her own place on several occasions and she’s always refused. It got to the point where we had no choice, we had to go to court to make her get out. All this time she’s never questioned the adoption or what it meant. Now that she no longer lives with us she’s saying my parent stole her children, and she was tricked into the adoption. Even after we “put her out” my mother tried to meet her places with the children , restaurant, movies etc.. each time it was a nightmare. She’d tell the children they were stolen from her, that we were all liars. She’s even told the youngest that we didn’t love him. She even called DSS claiming the kids were being neglected by my mom and physically abused by me. DSS did not come to that conclusion. She had my mother served with papers recently claiming that regardless of what she’s signed 10 yrs ago she has still been acting as the children’s mother. Now she’s asking for visitation rights. My question is, could the judge actually give her visitation right?

 

[Zigner]

We talked about this back in December:

https://forum.freeadvice.com/adoption-34/tricked-into-adoption-536532.html

 

[zander260]

Actually it’s a little different. She’s not asking that the adoption be overturned. After 10 yrs, that’s not going to happen. She asking for “reasonable visitation”. She’s claiming that even though she signed the papers she’s still been acting as the children’s mother. Which of course isn’t true. My question is in ref to visitation not having the adoption overturned.

 

[mistoffolees]

Now she’s asking for visitation rights. My question is, could the judge actually give her visitation right?

In general, when you give a child up for adoption, you no longer have any right. The Bio-mom has no more rights to that child than I do.

HOWEVER, depending on what role bio-mom played over the years, she could claim that she was a de facto parent to the child. I don't know how strongly (if at all) NC recognizes de facto parenting, but that would be the only grounds for requesting custody that I could see.

 

[nextwife]

Lots of adoptees have open adoptions in which the adoptive parents allow their child some controlled access to their bio-family. It is more common than not these days, and referred to as an Open Adoption. Especially if the child knows and is otherwise connected to biofamily. My sister's adopted baby has contact with biomom and biosibs, while my daughter has a closed adoption, due to being left in an orphanage at a few days old and biofamily wherabouts and name unknown.

Ultimately it is the child's parents who decide if adoption will be open or closed, but they may wish to read up on impacts of both adoption types on adoptees and research which approach may be in the child's best interest. As adoptive parents, I hope they have done a fair amount of reading on current best practices for adoptees and their forever families.

 

[mistoffolees]

Lots of adoptees have open adoptions in which the adoptive parents allow their child some controlled access to their bio-family. It is more common than not these days, and referred to as an Open Adoption. Especially if the child knows and is otherwise connected to biofamily. My sister's adopted baby has contact with biomom and biosibs, while my daughter has a closed adoption, due to being left in an orphanage at a few days old and biofamily wherabouts and name unknown.

Ultimately it is the child's parents who decide if adoption will be open or closed, but they may wish to read up on impacts of both adoption types on adoptees and research which approach may be in the child's best interest. As adoptive parents, I hope they have done a fair amount of reading on current best practices for adoptees and their forever families.

Oh, I agree that it's possible. And if the people were able to act like mature adults, it may even be preferable in lots of cases.

But when the adoptive parents don't want the biological parent around, I don't think the biological parent can force the issue in most cases, although since Bio-Mom has been around for years, she MIGHT be able to argue defacto parent status (seems like a long shot, but it really depends on how much she has been around).

 

[LdiJ]

Oh, I agree that it's possible. And if the people were able to act like mature adults, it may even be preferable in lots of cases.

But when the adoptive parents don't want the biological parent around, I don't think the biological parent can force the issue in most cases, although since Bio-Mom has been around for years, she MIGHT be able to argue defacto parent status (seems like a long shot, but it really depends on how much she has been around).

I think that grandma/adoptive mom needs an immediate consult with a local adoption attorney. I honestly don't believe that "defacto parent" would work in this circumstance (or even should) but I think that adoptive mom needs to verify that with a local adoption attorney.