Against the law

[stealth2]

My kids were always so proud of themselves being so grown up, drinking beer. Root beer, that is.

 

[stealth2]

Once again I do not ask her what goes on at her moms. And she can read and they have drug awareness at there schools. Children are more informed. And if she thinks someone is donig something wrong she should be informed that in fact it is not wrong that it is o.k And documenting something is not legal action either is a warning. It is just documentation just in case to verify that it was brought to the mothers attention; so it is not heresay.

But what you don't seem to get is that it's meaningless. All Mom has to do is say "What are you talking about? That never happened." It's a he said/she said situation that no judge is going to give a darn about.

And people. It is HEARSAY. Not heresay or heresy. The former isn't a word, the latter is but has nothing to do with courts or the law.

 

[syskjw]

I'm not talking about having a judge involved. If you ever have to go to court on something if you do not have documents the judge will throw it out. All I want to know is there anything I can file a document or like a warning so the mother can not say that I have never mentioned this to her just in case this continues. Not the s-dad drinking the s-dad operating a vehicle on a suspended license while had been drinking. I'm not wanting a custody battle there is no battle I have custody of her. Yes it is my fault when I read the mediation agreement and approved saying this is what I want and did not pay close attention to the wording. Usually when someone is given a warning the stop; they know that you know. If there is nothing I can send that I can prove was sent and she recieved that is all I want to know.

 

[CJane]

Send her a letter, certified return receipt. In it, make sure you tell her that your daughter informed you that SDad was driving/drinking and driving.

Then, be prepared for her to get pi$$ed at your daughter for being a tattletale (even though that's what y'all have set her up to be), and to encourage your daughter to begin keeping secrets from you.

Keep a copy of the letter and the receipt.

You'll have your documentation that you 'warned her' to control her husband. We all know how well THAT works.

If the dude is willing to drink and then drive on a suspended license, what makes you think that he'd pay attention to a warning from his wife's ex-husband?

 

[Ithildriel]

I'm not talking about having a judge involved. If you ever have to go to court on something if you do not have documents the judge will throw it out. All I want to know is there anything I can file a document or like a warning so the mother can not say that I have never mentioned this to her just in case this continues. Not the s-dad drinking the s-dad operating a vehicle on a suspended license while had been drinking. I'm not wanting a custody battle there is no battle I have custody of her. Yes it is my fault when I read the mediation agreement and approved saying this is what I want and did not pay close attention to the wording. Usually when someone is given a warning the stop; they know that you know. If there is nothing I can send that I can prove was sent and she recieved that is all I want to know.

Send her a nicely worded letter, keep a copy. Send it Certified return receipt requested so that she has to sign for it.

 

[angelmama]

AND, quite frankly how does she even know at age 5 if someone is drinking an alcoholic beverage or something else!??

Good lord....a 5 year old doesn't know what is alcoholic or what isn't! How does a 5 year old know the difference between a soft drink can and a beer can??QUOTE]


I have a different perspective on all of this. Just yesterday my 5 year old SS while we were standing outside waiting for the bus, ran over to the neighbor's recylable bin and started yelling to all of the other kids in a very loud voice, "Guys! Look at all the beer cans in the "Smiths" bin! It was mortifying at the time, but in retrospect kind of funny. But when I talked to him about it, I asked him how he knew what a beer can was...my hubby and I don't drink. He shrugged his shoulders and said "I don't know, I think from TV." Even a 5 year old kid these days is conditioned enough by advertising to know what a Coke can or Pepsi can looks like, and to recognize a beer can when he/she sees it. Sadly enough.


Furthermore...5 and 6 year olds are notorious for tattling, and for saying slightly inappropriate things. It doesn't seem at all abnormal that OP's daughter is coming home and commenting on the bad behaviors of her Stepfather. Especially if hes doing something that she's not regularly exposed to her in her home life. My SS told on the neighbor who drove him to cubscouts the other day because she smoked in the car on the way there, It was the first thing out of his mouth when he got home. And I don't recall ever telling him that people aren't allowed to smoke around him. (Though no one ever DOES smoke around him).


And without a doubt, if my child was regularly spending time with someone that didn't have a driver's licence for whatever reason, I would make it VERY clear to my child that X person is not allowed to drive, and would CERTAINLY want to know if X person was driving them around, and would definitely want to know if X person was drinking and driving! Talking to the child about it isn't putting her in the middle, its called trying to keep her safe. What parent in their right mind would be pleased with an unlicensed driver driving their kid around, and on top of it all, while drinking?

 

[syskjw]

Send her a letter, certified return receipt. In it, make sure you tell her that your daughter informed you that SDad was driving/drinking and driving.

Then, be prepared for her to get pi$$ed at your daughter for being a tattletale (even though that's what y'all have set her up to be), and to encourage your daughter to begin keeping secrets from you.

Keep a copy of the letter and the receipt.

You'll have your documentation that you 'warned her' to control her husband. We all know how well THAT works.

If the dude is willing to drink and then drive on a suspended license, what makes you think that he'd pay attention to a warning from his wife's ex-husband?

The warning is more for the mom. My daughter is released to mothers care. It is her responsibility to keep my daughter out of the that kind of situation.

 

[eme76]

i think i understand where you are coming from...but...i think that you are going to cause yourself more problems than you are solving

i totaly get not wanting someone with no licence driving...next time call it in to the police
i totaly get not wanting someone to drink around your child...step-dad is not bound by the CO not to...unfortunatly unless he is seriously harming your daughter you are s.o.l and probably just going to upset mom by making a big deal out of it

good luck...i think you need it

 

[CJane]

The warning is more for the mom. My daughter is released to mothers care. It is her responsibility to keep my daughter out of the that kind of situation.

Ok, as a parent, I get your concerns. Really.

However, LEGALLY (and that's what this site is about), there's NOTHING you can do. Your warning to mom means nothing to anyone except you. She's not violating the court order. You can't prove that the man was drinking while driving. You can't prove your child was ever IN a 'situation'.

You'll come off as controlling and nosy. And whether it's true or not, if WE think that the kid is being put in the middle, or encouraged to tattle, or being told inappropriate things about the other parent... you can bet a judge will too.

 

[mom6stepmom2]

Why did a child at 2/3 'know that no one is supposed to drink around her' unless she was TOLD that in an effort to get her to tattle if it happened?

That's the problem with such things put into court orders. They sound good, and judges will grant them, but they're near impossible to prove unless you see the person out in public, with the child, consuming alcohol. Or, unless you have a home breathylizer kit so you can test them for alcohol every time the child is picked up/dropped off.

A 5 or 6 or 16 year old should NEVER be put in a position where they tattle on the other parent.

And honestly, who cares if he was driving around a parking lot on a suspended license? Yeah, it's not legal... but neither is speeding and I can bet you do THAT.

I haven't read through all the replies yet, but I did want to respond to this one in particular.

A parent doesn't have to be a nosy you know what to find things out about the other parent. I posted a couple of times about my ex husband drinking with my 4 children present. How did I find out about all the drinking? First off, my lifestyle is very different from my ex's. So, kids tend to come straight in the door from dad's with tales of parties and such. I think sometimes they are in awe of dad's exploits. Some of the parties were very wild, teenage drinking in front of my children. Secondly, my then 12 year old daughter started asking to stay home with me instead of going to her dad's. This became the norm EVERY single time it was time to go to dad's. I had no choice but to sit her down and ask what the deal was. She said her dad's lifestlye was making her very uncomfortable and she didn't like the drunk teens that she was being thrown in with.

My point is kids talk. Sometimes alot.

 

[CJane]

My point is kids talk. Sometimes alot.

We're not talking about a teenager in an uncomfortable position. We're talking about a child who at 5 years old KNOWS that mom is ordered not to drink around her. Who knew that at 3! She only knows that because she was TOLD that.

And no one had any business doing so.

 

[nicetryadmin]

IN our mediation agrreement it had a line titled consumption of alchol and illicit drugs that the parties agree that they shall not consume for a period of 8 hours prior to or during any visitation with the minor child. Of course the mother denied the beer being in the car but did say that the step father had been drinking. She said she asked the mediator if this agreement included her husband and he said no it just pertains to her and the father.

I have not read the other responses, but the other spouse is not a "party" to the children.

And what can I do about the step father operating a vehicle with my daughter in the car without a license and having a open beer in the car.

You would need proof of the beer can being in there, unless the mother would be willing to admit under oath or an affidavit that there was an open container AND the dad was driving the child with a suspended license. As far as him driving on a suspended license, stuff like that does NOT need to be in an order. He's breaking the law (but you could always have that language added in that "only legally licensed drivers may transport the child(ren)").