Another question about finances

[Mike554321]

What is the name of your state? connecticut


my soon-to-be ex-wife filed for divorce in jan 2002. the day after she filed she used my filene's credit card and put $2600 on it for household items but not necessities. she had borrowed my credit card in dec 2001, before the divorce was filed, twice putting a total of $3000 on it but without my knowledge. we had discussed and agreed to $300 in total but we were not hostile at that point. i had been living out of the house but felt sympathetic. we had a joint account even up until the divorce was filed in which she depleted to pay for her attorney. The money in the account was for the mortgage, car payment and tenant's deposit for the rental property we owned. she had deposited the deposit in our account which is illegal anyway. she made out at the temporary alimony and child support hearing because she decided to quit working at her "at-home" daycare and she intentionally had no source of income. i am falling deeper and deeper into debt based on the inability to pay because of the amount i am paying to support her and the children. she has since opened her daycare on a limited basis and spends the money she makes on new furniture and other non-necessities, while i pay for all of the expenses, alimony and child support. debt and other expenses we not even considered in the temporary hearing but they are in my name so they are my problem. i had to pay extra money for the mortgage for months after to make up for when she took out the money. my credit is ruined. she has been getting everything she wants for money and visitation. is there anything that i can do to make sure that i am not taken complete advantage of like i have been up until this point? how can i speed up the divorce process because she and her lawyer seem to be in complete control? is there anyway to recoup what she spent on my credit cards? i have receipts. how can i get her to work at a job to make enough money to try to support herself? she is a college graduate. i am at a point where her lawyer sent mine a proposal for settlement. she want me to quitclaim the house but i will probably have to stay on the mortgage because she might not be able to afford it on her own. she might be to able because we own a duplex with rental income. she wants our incomes to be equalized for 3 years. she wants me to assume all the debt. she wants me to pay back money that she made in the daycare that we used for expenses but she believes i spent it elsewhere. it was at the time of the economic downturn, commisions we low and she decided to stop working. finally, of course, i will have to pay child support. what would be reasonable to agree to? what would be realistic to believe will probably be the end result. is there anything i can use as leverage? thank you in advance for any responses

 

[nailtech]

If I were you, I would get out of any Joint checking accounts, take your name off of them, and go open an account In another bank with just your name......

as long as your not ordered to keep her from still charging I would call and put a hold on the credit cards to keep her from further charging on them until the divorce is final, and if you get the cards in the divorce you should be able to have her removed from them...

you should be able to ask for your half of the monies she depleted from the checking account(s)

she's working off of your sympathies if you dont quit being sympathetic your going to need a cordless drill with reverse to get the screw out...

did you and your lawyer counter sue her as well? my husband had to with his ex because she was dragging it out for over a year because she was getting all her bills paid and house payment as well(she had no reason to want to end it), well when she drug it out over pitty stuff, his lawyer took his counter suit and their mediation agreement and had it signed by the judge to finally end it... he also needed a reversable drill, but thank God they had no children...

 

[Mike554321]

thanks, I closed out the joint account and the credit cards but the damage had already been done. now i just have mounting interest because i can't really afford to start paying them off. i also don't want to pay for the debt that she created. i figure that she might be held responsible for the the filene's charge card debt because she had used it the day after she filed for divorce and it stated that there can be no excessive charges. i am hoping that i can make her pay for the other credit card debt incurred in december when i let her borrow the credit card. the divorce had not been filed at that point but she intentionally spent an excessive amount to spite me. would you know how i would be able to get her to work to help contribute to the expenses and debts? she runs her daycare on a limited basis intentionally since it satisfies the expectations that she needs to work but makes very little money. i don't know if i can get the court to force her to work at a job to make more money

 

[nailtech]

you can not force someone to work, the best bet is to get the divorce and then she will be forced to work to support herself... as far as the credit card goes that she charged up... my husband had the same problem as well, its contempt when they do that.. he was told to not put a hold on the credit cards or he would be held in contempt, and while she charged he butt away and maxed out 13 cards.. while she was the one in contempt, nothing was done to her... when we married we were forced to file BK to get out from under the CC debt, now there her's (he was awarded all the debt while she was awarded the assets)... now she has both..

hold on to any and all receipts it may be useful in deducting from what you may owe her when its at settlement stages by the judge, dont try and deduct on your own until a judge says so..

and get proof she depleted the checking accounts, she owes you half of that back...

I'm not sure how alimony works in your state,.. but its not always a given here in texas...
to me divorce settlements are like selling a car in a way... you ask for more to get what you want or at least half.. like if you want 2500 for a car you ask 3000 to let then talk you down to what you orginally want...
Maybe if you hit her for custody of the children she will back down on the alimony? she would certainly have to gear up her work to have to pay for the extra legal fee's.. I know if my ex was to try and take my children I would negotiate with him to keep them.. JMO.... its my opinion what she is doing is making it look like she's not making any money so when she gets alimony she gears her work back up and she's just gotten herself a raise... take it for what you want, its just my opinion...


do you have previous tax returns that shows how much she is capable of making?

 

[Mike554321]

thanks for the info. i am going to talk to my lawyer about countersuing. he hasn't been very aggressive and only seems to do things when i push him to do it. actually, currently my case is dismissed because her lawyer failed to file the case management paperwork which was due back on may 5th. on may 23rd the case was dismissed. i learned that it was dismissed when i went to the judicial website of connecticut and found my case on-line. i found this out on july 2. i had been paying everything that the court ordered because i thought it was still in effect. her lawyer has filed to reopen the case but it still isn't open. i was planning to continue paying child support but stop paying alimony until the case is reopened. i think that this was part of a delay tactic. i do realize that she is trying to not work so she can benefit as much as she can in the end. i was planning to file a motion to review the temporary alimony as soon as the case is reopened. it was decided when she wasn't working at all. since then she is working a little and is buying large ticket items for the house with what i think is my money. i was thinking of trying to use the house as leverage in order to try to not pay alimony. she needs me on the mortgage to keep the house because she makes so little. that would be risky for me but it is a duplex where the tenant's rent pays most of the mortgage and the value of the property is more than what is owed. i'm not sure if it is worth the risk but i want to only pay child support and not alimony and i think that this is the only card i hold. from what my lawyer tells me, if one party wants to sell the house in connecticut, it is sold. on the otherhand if the house is sold, it could pay off the debts, but then she would need alimony to live in an apartment. she also runs her daycare in the house. i have kept all receipts of all credit cards and bank accounts. i also do have her w-2 which says even in a year that she wasn't completely full in her daycare because she was just starting the business, she made $20,000. I would like full custody but since she had made allegations in a restraining order, out of spite, that i was untrustworthy as a parent, family relations got involved. the family relations counselor saw right through her allegations, but still said she was going to recommend that she have "joint custody". the child would live at the house as their primary residence because i didn't try to convince the counselor that she was crazy. i don't know if i could still use that as leverage but i am trying to figure out every angle that i can

 

[haiku]

i am not a legal expert but I live in Ct. and have been through this a litle bit.

you really need to light a fire under your lawyers but, or consider getting a NEW one! (not something you can easily afford, I know, but it sounds like your lawyer is NOT doing thier job!)

I am glad to finally read you cancelled all joint accounts. there are ways to get records to prove who signed for things on certain cards. I would at least push to make her responsible for the filenes card. and anything else she went wild with. the credit card comapny may or may NOT honor that agreement, BUT if she defaults on payment, you can take her to court for contempt and she will have to pay YOU.

I would fight against any permanent alimony. unless the children are very young there is no reason she shouldn't have to go out and get a job. (you will likely have child care cost added to your support payment)

Request the house be sold, and any proceeds first be used to pay outstanding debt. So you each can start with a clean slate. it may be you have to split the proceeds, but at least than you have some money to pay YOUR debts. My concern would be, her not paying a mortgage with YOUR name on it. if the house is worth so much, sell it now while the market is good.

Joint legal custody is standard in Connecticut.