Another unwed mom with custody questions NY

[KBNYC2CA]

Hi there,

I am currently in a relationship with the father of my seven week old baby. I have ALWAYS planned on moving to CA part-time WITH him and of course the baby. We have not been getting along recently and he said he wouldn't 'let' me move with her to CA. He IS on her birth certificate and we both signed the paternity paper stating he is the father. As I am planning to move to CA next year I want to know the laws just in case he DOES try to stop me.

What are the laws regarding whether or not she and I can move to CA?

THANKS!!

KBNYC2CA--

 

[KBNYC2CA]

Bumping this up...

Does anyone know at all?? I'm pretty desparate to find out...even if you know where else i can go to find out? What kind of lawyer?

KBNYC2CA

 

[Rushia]

NY doesn't like to let children be taken from their fathers. He can file to keep you in the state. If you leave without telling him, he can file and force you to come back. YOU have to prove that it is the childs (not yours) best interest to move him/her away from it's father. Be prepared to pay all transportation costs for the child to visit with the father should you be allowed to move.

 

[KBNYC2CA]

What about if I plan on spending a few months every year in NYC?....I would never leave wi/out telling him. I'm not leaving to get away from him, I'm leaving to get out of NYC.

KBNYC2CA

 

[Zephyr]

yes he could stop the child from leaving the state, even if you "plan" to come back for several months per year- which I just find ridiculous

better plan might be to make nice with him, convince him to move to CA with you, then once your there, you have a better chance of keeping the child there

either way you "wanting to get out of the city" is not enough to take the child fron it's dad

 

[KBNYC2CA]

This is all true even though we aren't married? Man, this is crazy..... What if I manage to get a great job offer out there...do they take things like that into consideration? Maybe I should just plan on vacationing a lot there....

 

[Zephyr]

Man, this is crazy.....


what is crazy is thinking a child doesn't need it's other parent as much as it needs you, kids NEED, yes NEED BOTH parents...

maybe just moved out of the urban area into a small rural NY town?

 

[KBNYC2CA]

I am SURE he is going to be around the baby!! I'd never try to keep them apart! The only reason I'm even concerned about this is because he brought it up as a threat to keep us ALL living in NYC. Airfare is comparable to trains and buses btw and it would be the same price for us to visit eachother either way! Planes are often cheaper for me because I know people in the airlines who provide me with standby guest passes that are 10% of the normal ticket price!!! He is a rapper, and travels for that anyway, and I am an artist/designer and I work mostly online and on commissioned pieces at home as well as selling things on ebay, we are both very mobile and we live in a neighborhood right now in Brooklyn where you hear gunshots on a regular basis, HE smokes weed everyday, (not around her, he goes in front of the apt). We can not afford a bigger place to stay, the air quality here in the city is TERRIBLE there was news recently grading it an "F" in all parts except Brooklyn which got a "D". I want to keep my child near nature, away from the FREEZING weather (our apt. here is so terrible that the pipes freeze and have busted through the wall when they bursted before! Not safe to have a little baby in that kind of condition!) And the amount of rent we pay, 750/month can get us a MUCH better situation in California, warmer, cleaner, safer, etc. We are in a one room studio! SMALL apartment, about 10x14 feet. To keep it warm sometimes we have to turn the oven on and leave it open!! I think that is terribly dangerous!!

I am not trying to keep them away from eachother, I am trying to have a healthy happy little girl! He up until the last 2 weeks has been accepting and open to moving with us, but during an arguement he used it as a weapon against me, a power trip if you will, that is why I became concerned. He has become violent before and actually grabbed my neck!! That is NOT typical and it only happened once but it is enough of an eye opener to make sure I know what my rights are in case the situation gets worse between him and I.

Plus I am the one who takes care of/is around the baby, I do NOT have a support system here and I do it all myself. In California and all up and down the West Coast I have friends AND family, and would be able to have help taking care of her by loving caring people rather that hiring strangers out here. He has family but they do NOT help at all. His mother is supportive of us moving out of state!

I am hoping more than anything that we are able to get along better, STAY together, and move together AS WE HAVE PLANNED for YEARS.

KBNYC2CA

 

[KBNYC2CA]

BTW...moving to a small rural town would be worse as far as his concern, with his music career he insists on staying close to a major city, we've even figured out which areas to consider in Cali...yes WE figured it out.

I pray more than anything that he wasn't serious about changing our plans like that. We have been through a lot and I hope we stay together happily and she has a stable family life, but if he gets more violent or using more drugs etc. that is NOT good for her to be around all the time! I'm hoping he'll decrease all of that...which is another thing we in the past have agreed on.

KBNYC2CA

 

[Leinalani]

I would try and convince my child's father that moving somewhere else would be a better decision than staying where you are. Tell him that you're concerned about your child's welfare in the area you're in. Maybe moving to CA is out of the question but moving somewhere a little safer and quieter around that area would be good.

Since he is the legal father of your child, he does hold rights to his child and he has the ability to exercise his rights. You both need to come to an agreement or this might turn into a legal battle. Please think everything through before you make a final decision and make sure you've taken the appropriate steps before making any kind of move. If he should come after you for taking his child to CA without his consent, he might just have grounds for charging you with kidnapping which could potentially land you in jail.

So please think this out before making any kind of move.

Ultimately you should be thinking of the best interests of your child, not yourself.

 

[KBNYC2CA]

Ultimately you should be thinking of the best interests of your child, not yourself.

That's why I pointed all this out:

HE smokes weed everyday, (not around her, he goes in front of the apt). We can not afford a bigger place to stay, the air quality here in the city is TERRIBLE there was news recently grading it an "F" in all parts except Brooklyn which got a "D". I want to keep my child near nature, away from the FREEZING weather (our apt. here is so terrible that the pipes freeze and have busted through the wall when they bursted before! Not safe to have a little baby in that kind of condition!) And the amount of rent we pay, 750/month can get us a MUCH better situation in California, warmer, cleaner, safer, etc. We are in a one room studio! SMALL apartment, about 10x14 feet. To keep it warm sometimes we have to turn the oven on and leave it open!! I think that is terribly dangerous!!

I am not trying to keep them away from eachother, I am trying to have a healthy happy little girl!

And when I mentioned the support system, I'm not thinking of myself I'm thinking of the quality of people she is around and eventually left with in childcare.

She is my ONLY concern. I don't understand how people are seeing this as selfish?? Has anyone ever researched the air quality in NYC or the crime in Brooklyn? The quality of public education? Childcare? I am simply trying to get the best life I can for my baby!

 

[Zephyr]

That's why I pointed all this out:



And when I mentioned the support system, I'm not thinking of myself I'm thinking of the quality of people she is around and eventually left with in childcare.

She is my ONLY concern. I don't understand how people are seeing this as selfish?? Has anyone ever researched the air quality in NYC or the crime in Brooklyn? The quality of public education? Childcare? I am simply trying to get the best life I can for my baby!

then why do you live there in the first place?
why did you continue to live there when you found out you were pregnant?
it's good to be concerned about these things but jeez do you need to move ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY inorder to find something better?

if dad only said that in the heat of an arguement and you guys are still together then realistically it could still work out that you all move there together, but if he wants to be hard nose about it he CAN file to keep the baby in NY. and if you guys can afford to live on his rapper income, maybe he should work a more conventional job while he's building up his record deals

 

[nextwife]

but jeez do you need to move ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY inorder to find something better?

I agree with that. One CAN accomplish getting out of NYC WITHOUT going all the way to the other coast, for heaven's sake. Sorry, but when you have kids in a situation such as this, you will be giving over partial control of your life to the COURTS. It is no longer about you- it is about your child and their relationship with their father.

You are far more likely to get permission of the court to move elsewhere in the state, or to a contiquous state within a certain radius - that would allow weekend visitations to still occur. Also, some locations are move likely to have non-stop flights to NYC than are others. If you choose a place with lots of non-stop flights to and from, you can offer the court to start sending the child on unescorted visitations sooner.