arrears, but no child support order?

[130munch]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

Just curious.....my son and his ex are going to court next week to officially establish visitation and child support for their 15 month old - right now there are no official court orders.

My grandbaby's mother called me tonight - I try to be supportive of her so we have a somewhat good relationship. She told me the state of IL told her she is entitled to $6k back pay on child-support and when they court order it my son must pay it in full or his license will be suspened and he will be jailed. But how can he be viewed as being in arrears when there is no order? And they lived together during the first 6 monh of baby's life, so would he still owe support for that time frame?

Is she correct?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[CourtClerk]

Don't get involved.

Involve yourself only in grandmotherly stuff. Can baby come visit you? Take him to the park. Buy him cute stuff.

Let them deal with their legal issues. If she tries to involve you, change the subject. If your son tries to involve you, change the subject.

 

[mistoffolees]

Don't get involved.

Involve yourself only in grandmotherly stuff. Can baby come visit you? Take him to the park. Buy him cute stuff.

Let them deal with their legal issues. If she tries to involve you, change the subject. If your son tries to involve you, change the subject.

Just to expand upon that a bit - it's not just 'mind your own business' advice. It's good legal advice for several reasons:

1. You don't have all the paperwork and all the facts. You don't know what might have occurred.

2. You have no legal standing, so there's nothing you can do even if you want.

3. You're getting a very distorted view of the proceedings. There's a bit of standard advice here - never take advice from the ex or ex's attorney. You're getting information from your son's ex which is almost certainly not in his best interests.

Have your son sign up here with his own account and let us know what's going on.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

Just curious.....my son and his ex are going to court next week to officially establish visitation and child support for their 15 month old - right now there are no official court orders.

My grandbaby's mother called me tonight - I try to be supportive of her so we have a somewhat good relationship. She told me the state of IL told her she is entitled to $6k back pay on child-support and when they court order it my son must pay it in full or his license will be suspened and he will be jailed. But how can he be viewed as being in arrears when there is no order? And they lived together during the first 6 monh of baby's life, so would he still owe support for that time frame?

Is she correct?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

While I agree with what the other posters have said, I will give you some "piece of mind" information.

There are two scenarios where non-custodial parents end up with arrearages right from the start.

1) Child support normally gets backdated to the date when the petition for support was first filed, therefore its common for there to be some months of arrearages.

2) If the mother has been on state aid then the state will set arrearages to pay back the state for that aid. That can go back to birth. However mom won't get that money, the state will.

No, your son will not lose his driver's license or go to jail if he cannot pay those arrearages up front. They will add an installment amount to his regular child support.

A parent only risks losing their license or jail if they do not faithfully make their child support payments (including an installments for arrearages) after a court order for support is made.

 

[130munch]

Thanks for your input.

Just to clarify - Rest assured I'm not asking for advice here because I want to meddle and get involved. When mom calls me for support I do my best to be supportive in order to keep peace between us.

Truthfully - she called me last night wanting to talk - she did all the talking and this was one of the things she told me. I couldn't find any specific information that answered my question online.

 

[CourtClerk]

I'll say it again. If she wants to talk or vent, she needs to do that to her girlfriends, not to her child's grandparent.

You should not entertain her. You shouldn't be involved with their legal issues. Not even a little bit. Go grandparent. If they need therapy, let them go get it.

 

[Artemis_ofthe_Hunt]

Thanks for your input.

Just to clarify - Rest assured I'm not asking for advice here because I want to meddle and get involved. When mom calls me for support I do my best to be supportive in order to keep peace between us.

Truthfully - she called me last night wanting to talk - she did all the talking and this was one of the things she told me. I couldn't find any specific information that answered my question online.

Go with what CourtClerk advised. Tell her you aren't in the middle and hang up. If she wants to talk about kiddo? Sure, do the grandparent thing. Otherwise? Keep your thoughts and judgments to yourself.

As far as listening to her talk about arrears? Don't go jumping off the deep end listening to her, its like taking legal advice from your ex or soon to be ex.

 

[gam]

I'll say it again. If she wants to talk or vent, she needs to do that to her girlfriends, not to her child's grandparent.

You should not entertain her. You shouldn't be involved with their legal issues. Not even a little bit. Go grandparent. If they need therapy, let them go get it.

Please listen to this advice, do not entertain her. My daughter had the opposite situation, grandma was calling her and my daughter entertained her. Huge mistake that caused 4 years of grief between my daughter and the father of her child. Once they finally started working together for what was and is best for their child, grandma started calling my daughter again. She would not entertain her this time, so grandma started calling me, the other grandma.

While it is tempting to get the scoop, the scoop is often wrong or misleading. I don't entertain the other grandma either, as I said it is tempting, but don't do it. You will pay, your son will pay and your grandchild will pay for the temptation. It is possible to remain friendly and helpful, without entertaining this part.

 

[CourtClerk]

Please listen to this advice, do not entertain her. My daughter had the opposite situation, grandma was calling her and my daughter entertained her. Huge mistake that caused 4 years of grief between my daughter and the father of her child. Once they finally started working together for what was and is best for their child, grandma started calling my daughter again. She would not entertain her this time, so grandma started calling me, the other grandma.

While it is tempting to get the scoop, the scoop is often wrong or misleading. I don't entertain the other grandma either, as I said it is tempting, but don't do it. You will pay, your son will pay and your grandchild will pay for the temptation. It is possible to remain friendly and helpful, without entertaining this part.

You learned the lesson... that's what matters.

Your head rests easier when you're not all uber involved.

 

[LdiJ]

You learned the lesson... that's what matters.

Your head rests easier when you're not all uber involved.

It is possible though to listen without getting uber involved. To allow someone to "vent" to you without getting emotionally involved or even paying that much attention to what they are venting about.

It sounds like grandma has a decent relationship with mom, and I wouldn't want her to accidentally damage that or damage the open lines of communication. So if the mother still talks to her, she could simply let it go in one ear and out the other.

 

[gam]

It is possible though to listen without getting uber involved. To allow someone to "vent" to you without getting emotionally involved or even paying that much attention to what they are venting about.

It sounds like grandma has a decent relationship with mom, and I wouldn't want her to accidentally damage that or damage the open lines of communication. So if the mother still talks to her, she could simply let it go in one ear and out the other.

I do not agree with this. There is no way to listen and then let it go out the other ear. It does not work when the one who is venting to you is the other side. Your asking grandma here to totally disregard her own son and her grandchild. It can't be done.

Grandma can still have a decent relationship with mom. She can also tell mom in a good way that she has to stay out of this venting. That can be done where everyone concerned can remain on friendly terms.