Awww Geez - Do I Have to Inform Him?

[Holly Golightly]

What is the name of your state? California

Okay. Last May, daughter's father and I entered into a stipulated custody modification. I was awarded Sole Legal and Sole Physical custody (with the specific right and responsibility - among other things, of enrolling or withdrawing our daughter in any public or private school). I took her out of public school and enrolled her in a private school (I'm paying for it).

Daughter and her father have not spoken to each other since last February. No phone calls from him to enquire as to her wellbeing. Nothing. Nada. Visitation agreement was amended to read "as agreed upon by Respondent and minor child". Apparently, they cannot agree.

The custody order does not mention my having to advise him of this change. And frankly - he's a real nut, so I don't want to start him calling and/or harassing me or her (he's done so in the past - to everyone who knows him and it gets old real quickly. His own brother screens his calls).

So - question: Do I legally have to inform him that I changed her school?

Thanks.

 

[hexeliebe]

Welcome back Holly

Now, since you've been here before can you guess what I'm going to tell you to do first?

 

[krislild]

I would think not you have sole custody and you can do what you want. But then again im not an expert, i am just the beginning of all this BS. Sorry I cant help more.

 

[krislild]

If you dont mind me asking. Did he willingly give you sole custody or did you have to take him to court. And is he a neg. person with a bad rep. The reason I am asking is cause i am going through a similar situation.

 

[hexeliebe]

Kris;

Since Holly hasn't made it back to the forum I'm going to give her a pass on this one and answer for you.

I would think not you have sole custody and you can do what you want.

At this point it doesn't matter what you, I or even a judge thinks but what the Custody order states. And that's why I posted my answer the way I did. If it's not specifically addressed in the custody order then no, she does not have to tell him anything.

However, custody orders, even for sole legal and physical custody have been known to have clauses for 'consultation' with the NCP (non-custodial parent) and that is the reason for my answer.

Did he willingly give you sole custody or did you have to take him to court. And is he a neg. person with a bad rep.

If you are about to go through the same (or similar) situation then you are going to get a free but hard lesson real fast. It doesn't matter anymore what you think about your ex or even what other people think of him. For that matter, it doesn't matter what he thinks of you.

The only thing the court cares about at this time is what is best for the child. And the vast majority of time what is best for the child is to have both parents in their lives.

You gave up the right (as did hubby ex) to decide what is best for your child when you decided to divorce. Now the court will decide.

And that's the harsh reality you'll soon be facing. So leave the rumors, the reputations and the opinions at the courthouse steps (yes even if he wants to play that game) and focus on what the child needs and deserves in their life.

 

[Holly Golightly]

Thanks Hexiliebe - I know what you were going to tell me to do: Read the ENTIRE custody order... Nope. No mention of any 'consultation' with the NCP.

So, it sounds like I don't have to get him all riled up after all.

As Martha Stewart would say: "It's a good thing"

 

[krislild]

thanks for the advice. But i was never married to him or lived with him.
Would it be better you think to try and talk to him and see if he would sign over custody rights to me if i agreed to allow him to see the baby with supervision. Would that be legal? If he agreed and we had it notarized would that be a legal document in court.

 

[hexeliebe]

If you don't already have an attorney then get one. Only the court can award custody/visitation/support. This isn't something you take lightly with a notorized statement that has no weight in court.

 

[tigger22472]

thanks for the advice. But i was never married to him or lived with him.
Would it be better you think to try and talk to him and see if he would sign over custody rights to me if i agreed to allow him to see the baby with supervision. Would that be legal? If he agreed and we had it notarized would that be a legal document in court.

Just to add to what hex said about the noterized statement meaning NOTHING... you can't order him to have supervised visitatiion either. He would be a fool to sign that paper. Only a judge can order these things. Until there is a custody agreement it is presumed both parents have EQUAL rights.