Behavior Contract

[CourtClerk]

What is the name of your state? N/A

This is especially for OG, Rushia, CJane, Bay, Shay, Carl, CASA and the rest of the regulars.

A friend of mine has asked me to write her a behavior contract for her neices that she has recently taken custody of. The 2 oldest have had some problems with the law, father is absent (and has been for 10+ years), mother is incarcerated and a serious drug addict.

This home is pretty much their last stop before foster care. They have bounced around from family member to family member and my friend and her husband are taking them in and taking them on (in addition to their own 2 children). Now, our respective children are just absolute angels... and these girls are actually good kids who lack guidance and structure SERIOUSLY. You can already see in the couple of weeks they've been in the home that their attitude is changing (for the better) since they have some stability.

With that being said, can you give me some ideas of what this should look like? Wording, etc. Obviously should include acceptable behavior, household responsibilites, grades, complying with the terms of the older 2's probation, church attendance, and whatever else you guys think should be included. I'm open to ideas. I need to have this done this weekend. It needs to be understood that there is no further bouncing around. Should these girls (who really DO know better) decide to make the wrong decisions, they will seriously suffer the consequences.

Thanks!
CC

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? N/A

This is especially for OG, Rushia, CJane, Bay, Shay, Carl, CASA and the rest of the regulars.

A friend of mine has asked me to write her a behavior contract for her neices that she has recently taken custody of. The 2 oldest have had some problems with the law, father is absent (and has been for 10+ years), mother is incarcerated and a serious drug addict.

This home is pretty much their last stop before foster care. They have bounced around from family member to family member and my friend and her husband are taking them in and taking them on (in addition to their own 2 children). Now, our respective children are just absolute angels... and these girls are actually good kids who lack guidance and structure SERIOUSLY. You can already see in the couple of weeks they've been in the home that their attitude is changing (for the better) since they have some stability.

With that being said, can you give me some ideas of what this should look like? Wording, etc. Obviously should include acceptable behavior, household responsibilites, grades, complying with the terms of the older 2's probation, church attendance, and whatever else you guys think should be included. I'm open to ideas. I need to have this done this weekend. It needs to be understood that there is no further bouncing around. Should these girls (who really DO know better) decide to make the wrong decisions, they will seriously suffer the consequences.

Thanks!
CC

I have tons of ideas & have made many behavior contracts...But, considering these children are transitioning to a 'new' family <again>, my BEST advice is that they go to FAMILY counseling. Themselves, their kids & also her neices. Intrigrating the neices into the existing family/rules already in place. These kids have serious issues they have been affected by, and change of geography is just that~ change of geography...someone needs to go back through & process all the psychological issues before this move, then work on becoming a cohesive family unit. IMO

In the interim, PM me their ages & specific issues - and I'll do my best to give you a rough guideline to use between now & then. I'll be back online in the a.m. to check/respond.

 

[Just Blue]

I have tons of ideas & have made many behavior contracts...But, considering these children are transitioning to a 'new' family <again>, my BEST advice is that they go to FAMILY counseling. Themselves, their kids & also her neices. Intrigrating the neices into the existing family/rules already in place. These kids have serious issues they have been affected by, and change of geography is just that~ change of geography...someone needs to go back through & process all the psychological issues before this move, then work on becoming a cohesive family unit. IMO

In the interim, PM me their ages & specific issues - and I'll do my best to give you a rough guideline to use between now & then. I'll be back online in the a.m. to check/respond.

I agree with Casa about the counseling. The contract (IMO) should be very direct and to the point...You don't want to loose the message in verbose prose.

 

[casa]

Check your PMs.

 

[CJane]

My kids are probably too young for me to be of much assistance...

But, I have 'house rules' posted on my refrigerator. There are only 3 and they're all focused on what IS acceptable rather than what is NOT. It's much (MUCH) more effective for my kids than a never-ending list of don'ts.

1. Be respectful.
2. Clean up after yourself
3. Use inside voices


I work on the assumption that the first one covers almost every behavior that I'd rather they not engage in. The others are for MY sanity.

On the other hand, I asked recently what the rules are at Dad's house...

The 7 year old said:

"No running, no jumping, no skipping, no hopping, no yelling, no tattling, no doors closed, no going outside after dinner time...."

On and on with things they CAN'T do. No guidance for what they CAN do. And she also told me that she always feels like she's in trouble there because she's terrified of doing something she shouldn't.

Long and short? One way of phrasing only allows for success and one only allows for failure. Make sure you're helping the kids choose success.

 

[Ohiogal]

To add to CJane, I would also state that ALL the children in the household -- both the neices and the others should sign the same contract and be held to the same rules. If this is presented at a family meeting and not just singling out the neices it will be a lot easier on all involved.

 

[nextwife]

Instead of only a bunch of DON'Ts, Perhaps a list of potential privileges and what earns them? Consequences of bad behavior, as to privileges withheld?

 

[Zephyr]

I would also add that if they teens have some input into the content of the contract they will be much more likely to follow it as well

 

[Silverplum]

I vote for CJ's and OG's posts. Everyone else's, really. But it's really important, IMO, to keep it simple, emphasize personal responsibility, not expect perfection, and focus on what they CAN do as opposed to what they CAN'T do.