M
MrsConcerned
Guest
What is the name of your state? NC (Case in VA; previously lived in VA)
I am so confused as what to do or better yet, if I have enough proof/evidence to prove this isnt the "best interest of the child". Any advice or previous experience would be greatly appreciated before I spent $2500 and get nowhere. (Like I have before with this case)
The biological father and I dated for 4 years; We had a child out of wed-lock. He offered to pay for an abortion & I declined. I raised the child for 5 yrs soley on my own. He NEVER visited nor paid any support. I was getting married to man that I started dating since my son was 3 months old. I knew even though the biological father was never around; I could not just pick up and move out of state. So, therefore, I went to file for sole custody...well, bad idea...b/c along with custody comes support & visitation. He automatically got joint-custody and Fri -Sun overnights along with $420/month support. Well, needless to say, my son did not and still after 4 yrs has not adjusted to this visitation. He automatically was told to call him "daddy" (father himself comfirmed this). But my husband has been around since practically birth that he was "daddy". Not carrying that title, but was looked at as this. (We stopped the daddy title from my husband b/c we knew his biological father was pushing the issue). Anyways, my son has seen a child psychologist at the age of 4 1/2-5 yrs old. After visitations, he was violent, using bad language, upsets stomach and crying. Her assessment was, the visitations are stressfull and confusing. He didnt really know this man. He was only around visitation times. No other calls have EVER been made, not even on birthdays. But when it was his visitation times.....by golly "like it or not, he (son) was going". Word for word from the father. Child stating he was hiding in the closet so he wouldnt have to go, crying holding on to my leg not wanting to go. After marriage, my husband (which was previous friends of the father) moved out of state, so I volunterally dropped support in 1/2 b/c he (father) had to drive to meet me 1/2 way. Money talks!!
Point now, he is 8yrs old and his teacher last year and this year have typed letters of his behavior habits and problems that he has talked to them about regarding visitations. He stated that he doesnt like having two daddy's and it made him feel bad inside. He said that he doesnt like going and doesnt want to go anymore. Last year 2003, his father missed 9 months out of 12 months visitation (all of which no calls to state why they he couldnt come) And is currently $1200 behind in support. I have discussed with him his inconsistancy and how important it is to be consistent and structure. But he just gets angry and hostile when I try to talk to him about it. The court cant say that I havent given him the chance. I have very detailed documentation over the past 6 years and I just wonder what the court is looking at in this type situtation. I know they're suppose to look at the best interest of the child, but I know how hard it is to get visitation revoked from a parent.
He told me that we were just going to have deal with this problem until our son was 18 yrs old. He said an 8 yr old doesnt have stress in his life.
Just to add on top of this, his father has another child out of wedlock that he is currently behind in support and does not see at all (his choice)
Im just really confused and wonder if its even worth the struggle again to lose or if I even have the slightest chance of any improvement in visitation through the court.
I just honestly personally feel, this is a personal attack toward me and no concern for his own son. Spiteful. Our son could pass away and have a funeral and his father would never know it until his next visitation time. To me this is neglect.
Any advise....please help!
Mrs. C
I am so confused as what to do or better yet, if I have enough proof/evidence to prove this isnt the "best interest of the child". Any advice or previous experience would be greatly appreciated before I spent $2500 and get nowhere. (Like I have before with this case)
The biological father and I dated for 4 years; We had a child out of wed-lock. He offered to pay for an abortion & I declined. I raised the child for 5 yrs soley on my own. He NEVER visited nor paid any support. I was getting married to man that I started dating since my son was 3 months old. I knew even though the biological father was never around; I could not just pick up and move out of state. So, therefore, I went to file for sole custody...well, bad idea...b/c along with custody comes support & visitation. He automatically got joint-custody and Fri -Sun overnights along with $420/month support. Well, needless to say, my son did not and still after 4 yrs has not adjusted to this visitation. He automatically was told to call him "daddy" (father himself comfirmed this). But my husband has been around since practically birth that he was "daddy". Not carrying that title, but was looked at as this. (We stopped the daddy title from my husband b/c we knew his biological father was pushing the issue). Anyways, my son has seen a child psychologist at the age of 4 1/2-5 yrs old. After visitations, he was violent, using bad language, upsets stomach and crying. Her assessment was, the visitations are stressfull and confusing. He didnt really know this man. He was only around visitation times. No other calls have EVER been made, not even on birthdays. But when it was his visitation times.....by golly "like it or not, he (son) was going". Word for word from the father. Child stating he was hiding in the closet so he wouldnt have to go, crying holding on to my leg not wanting to go. After marriage, my husband (which was previous friends of the father) moved out of state, so I volunterally dropped support in 1/2 b/c he (father) had to drive to meet me 1/2 way. Money talks!!
Point now, he is 8yrs old and his teacher last year and this year have typed letters of his behavior habits and problems that he has talked to them about regarding visitations. He stated that he doesnt like having two daddy's and it made him feel bad inside. He said that he doesnt like going and doesnt want to go anymore. Last year 2003, his father missed 9 months out of 12 months visitation (all of which no calls to state why they he couldnt come) And is currently $1200 behind in support. I have discussed with him his inconsistancy and how important it is to be consistent and structure. But he just gets angry and hostile when I try to talk to him about it. The court cant say that I havent given him the chance. I have very detailed documentation over the past 6 years and I just wonder what the court is looking at in this type situtation. I know they're suppose to look at the best interest of the child, but I know how hard it is to get visitation revoked from a parent.
He told me that we were just going to have deal with this problem until our son was 18 yrs old. He said an 8 yr old doesnt have stress in his life.
Just to add on top of this, his father has another child out of wedlock that he is currently behind in support and does not see at all (his choice)
Im just really confused and wonder if its even worth the struggle again to lose or if I even have the slightest chance of any improvement in visitation through the court.
I just honestly personally feel, this is a personal attack toward me and no concern for his own son. Spiteful. Our son could pass away and have a funeral and his father would never know it until his next visitation time. To me this is neglect.
Any advise....please help!
Mrs. C
