bi-state adoption of stepson....help

[babykat1810]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania and Michigan
Here's the situation. Me and my husband of 9 years and father of my 3 children split up for a few months last year and then got back together. The girl he was seeing when we where split got pregnant and said she dosent want the baby that my husband can have full custody that she will sign off her rights. How do I go about adopting the child. He isn't born yet he is due next month. My husband is going to sign the birth certificate and we are bringing him home as soon as he is released from the hospital. She wants nothing to do with the baby at all. She now lives in Michigan and we live in Pennsylvania we have asked her to come to pa to deliver but she won't. Any advice is helpful

 

[ecmst12]

You need an adoption lawyer and so does the mother. The baby will be a resident of Michigan when it is born so that is where the lawyers need to be.

Mom can legally change her mind at any time until the final papers are signed and possibly for some time after. Keep that in mind.

 

[babykat1810]

So she can come back years from now wanting rights to the baby even after she terminates her rights willingly...:/.... thank you for letting me know ill need a Michigan lawyer because I wasent sure what state I needed to start in.

 

[Proserpina]

So she can come back years from now wanting rights to the baby even after she terminates her rights willingly...:/.... thank you for letting me know ill need a Michigan lawyer because I wasent sure what state I needed to start in.

No, not years from now - it's generally a short period of time. Think days/weeks/months versus years.

(In some states consent is actually irrevocable from the time it's signed unless there's clear proof of duress, but I don't know off the top of my head if yours is one)

 

[babykat1810]

I will look up Michigan adoption lawyers tomorrow and see what they say. Do you know if ill be able to get a birth certificate with my name on it? Shes already let me name him and give him my husbands last name.

 

[ecmst12]

AFTER the adoption.

Please, don't let yourself get too attached to this child yet. He's not yours at this time and when he's born, mom will be the only legal parent. Until papers are signed, it's not a done deal.

 

[babykat1810]

Wait why is the mother the only legal parent at time of birth? My husband is a legal father hes the biological father and we will be there for the birth so the birth certificate will be signed by him right away....its hard not to get attatched to a child. Ik he won't biologically be mine but even if for some reason she changes her mind about signing off her rights my husband should still have legal right to file for custody right? I highly dout she will change her mind though because she wanted an abortion as soon as she found out but my husband talked her into keeping it and signing off rights so me amd him could raise the child as our own and she had no problem with it.

 

[ecmst12]

Because an unmarried mother has custody by default until a court says otherwise, even if the father signs an AOP. And if she changes her mind, the baby goes home with her. Dad can file for custody, but by the time it gets to court, mom will have established herself as the child's primary caregiver, and dad lives thousands of miles away, so visitation will be limited. He won't get primary custody, he'll be paying child support, and at least for the first year or so, he will have to travel to mom's community for visitation - he won't be able to get extended visits for a while. And he will be coparenting with mom, long distance, for the next 18 years.

So...be very, very nice to mom. And be prepared for the possibility that she will fall in love with the baby when she sees him.

 

[Proserpina]

Because an unmarried mother has custody by default until a court says otherwise, even if the father signs an AOP. And if she changes her mind, the baby goes home with her. Dad can file for custody, but by the time it gets to court, mom will have established herself as the child's primary caregiver, and dad lives thousands of miles away, so visitation will be limited. He won't get primary custody, he'll be paying child support, and at least for the first year or so, he will have to travel to mom's community for visitation - he won't be able to get extended visits for a while. And he will be coparenting with mom, long distance, for the next 18 years.

So...be very, very nice to mom. And be prepared for the possibility that she will fall in love with the baby when she sees him.

Got to co-sign this.

 

[babykat1810]

I didnt know that about an un married woman...don't know if it matters or not but we already sat down together and had papers noterised saying that she will not take him for support, she will terminate her rights. she lives in a one bedroom apt with her dad(she sleeps in the livingroom). She has a history of suicide attempts and she also admitted to us that she had to go to court a few years ago for child endangerment to her neice....we are on good terms with her and we talk everyday threw email so there's proof of the conversations where she says things like she hates the baby for making her fat and can't wait to get rid of him.....laws about children are strick I know but I would be very shocked for 1 if she changed her mind and 2 if a court would grant her primary custody with all the proof we have that we will be a safer environment for the baby because isn't that what they want, Whats best for the child

 

[Proserpina]

I didnt know that about an un married woman...don't know if it matters or not but we already sat down together and had papers noterised saying that she will not take him for support, she will terminate her rights. she lives in a one bedroom apt with her dad(she sleeps in the livingroom). She has a history of suicide attempts and she also admitted to us that she had to go to court a few years ago for child endangerment to her neice....we are on good terms with her and we talk everyday threw email so there's proof of the conversations where she says things like she hates the baby for making her fat and can't wait to get rid of him.....laws about children are strick I know but I would be very shocked for 1 if she changed her mind and 2 if a court would grant her primary custody with all the proof we have that we will be a safer environment for the baby because isn't that what they want, Whats best for the child

A notarized agreement means nothing - she's allowed to change her mind, as was discussed earlier.

Here's the thing about custody.

Dad has no rights at all until and unless a court gives him rights - and that's going to take some time.

Status quo, though not the only factor, can weigh very heavily in an initial custody determination. Also during that time, Dad will have no right to visit with the child at all making it difficult for him to bond....and the courts are very reluctant to take an infant away from the primary caregiver (Mom in this case), to place the infant with a virtual stranger who lives in a different state.

She's not legally unfit either, so Dad needs to forget that route. Whatever she's saying in email could easily be due to hormones.

We're not trying to bring you down, but you and Dad need to be aware of what can happen.

 

[babykat1810]

I can't belive the laws about children are so sexists. I'm so glad iv never had to go threw a custody battle before with an ex. We already have everything for the baby and thought we where prepared for what we thought was ganna be a simple court process but after hearing everything I'm scared to death. I pray she dose not change her mind or its ganna be a hell of a fight to get custody because ik my husband and myself will not give up. We have been there threw the pregnancy.going to appointments when we can (she moved 11 hours away from us to be closer to her family)and we send her money to pay for her lamaz classes and perscriptions when shes sick. She dosent have a an income and her father refuses to help her so because we care about the babys health we do what we can to make sure she cares for herself

 

[Proserpina]

I can't belive the laws about children are so sexists. I'm so glad iv never had to go threw a custody battle before with an ex. We already have everything for the baby and thought we where prepared for what we thought was ganna be a simple court process but after hearing everything I'm scared to death. I pray she dose not change her mind or its ganna be a hell of a fight to get custody because ik my husband and myself will not give up. We have been there threw the pregnancy.going to appointments when we can (she moved 11 hours away from us to be closer to her family)and we send her money to pay for her lamaz classes and perscriptions when shes sick. She dosent have a an income and her father refuses to help her so because we care about the babys health we do what we can to make sure she cares for herself

It's not that the law is sexist. It's that when a child is born out of wedlock, it's obvious who the mother is - but not necessarily obvious who the father is.

If Dad wanted the same rights as Mom from the beginning, he needed to have been married to Mom.

Honestly, we're not trying to scare you or seem harsh - but these are realities. And I truly, honestly, am hoping and praying that it all goes okay for you.

If she does change her mind - you've got to be realistic.

 

[babykat1810]

Thank you for all of the advise