blessedmom

[newbirth]

What is the name of your state? ga, what is considered 50/50
visitation and custody, there is no court order and we were not and are not presently dating or married?

 

[stealth2]

What is it you're asking?

 

[newbirth]

For a female child under the age of a year. Her father wants 50/50 time spent w/ her. And on two of the days that he has her, she is w/ his mother. Is it his legal right to have 50/50 shared visitation time

 

[stealth2]

As much as it is yours... You're both her parents.

 

[newbirth]

What if paternity has not been established

 

[stealth2]

Then paternity would need to be established.

It really would be easier if you gave the details of the situation as a whole, so we don't have to play 20 questions...

 

[nextwife]

Agreed. And the gender of the child has no bearing on a parents right to share parenting.

As to needing to be with the child 100% of the time in a 50/50 shared schedule, that is an unrealistic expectation ESPECIALLY if he is paying CS. He has to work, after all. And many moms do, as well, and often have their parent(s) watch their child. I am sometimes confused when mom's whose own family members babysit their kids complain when dad's family does the same for him. Either parent has a right to use a caregiver.

 

[LdiJ]

For a female child under the age of a year. Her father wants 50/50 time spent w/ her. And on two of the days that he has her, she is w/ his mother. Is it his legal right to have 50/50 shared visitation time

I am going to answer your question a little differently than the others did. There is no law that says that he automatically gets 50/50 time with the child. In fact, its extremely rare for a judge to make that kind of ruling for an infant. There are a lot of respected studies that have determined that 50/50 with infants can cause serious attachment disorders. Many judges also won't order 50/50 unless the parents are in agreement to that. It takes a lot of cooperation to work.

If paternity has not been established and no visitation orders have been made then how much visitation is given is totally up to you. He is not the legal father of the child at this point. Its your decision and as long as you allow him visitation that is reasonably normal (and again, 50/50 is not normal for an infant) then it can't come back to haunt you later in court. Technically you don't have to allow him any visitation at all. You can't get in legal trouble for not doing it, however it could make a judge, gal or evaluator view you less than sympathetically when it eventually goes to court.

So, if the father is telling you that he has the legal right to 50/50, that you have no choice but to give it to him. That IS NOT correct. He actually has no legal rights at all at this point because he has not established paternity or recieved visitation/custody orders.

 

[newbirth]

I know it has been some time since I responded. And thank you LdiJ for answering my question honestly and w/ out judgement. Here is the situation a little more in depth. My daughters father insist that he spends quality time w/ her(50/50). Now I discussed w/ him that he can come visit w/ her anytime as long as he calls first, but that isn't good enough for him. He feels that she needs to sleep over w/ him , because just visiting a couple of hours is not quality time. Also, whenever he calls and wants to get her, I should just okay it. My concern as a mother is that I feel that she is too young for all the bouncing around right now. She is only a year old, paternity has NOT been established, and he is not paying any child support. He feels that I don't have custody and that it is parental right to come get her whenever.

 

[LdiJ]

I know it has been some time since I responded. And thank you LdiJ for answering my question honestly and w/ out judgement. Here is the situation a little more in depth. My daughters father insist that he spends quality time w/ her(50/50). Now I discussed w/ him that he can come visit w/ her anytime as long as he calls first, but that isn't good enough for him. He feels that she needs to sleep over w/ him , because just visiting a couple of hours is not quality time. Also, whenever he calls and wants to get her, I should just okay it. My concern as a mother is that I feel that she is too young for all the bouncing around right now. She is only a year old, paternity has NOT been established, and he is not paying any child support. He feels that I don't have custody and that it is parental right to come get her whenever.

Well, he is wrong. You have the right to do what you feel is best for the baby. If he doesn't like it, then he has the right to take it to court, establish paternity and child support, and ask for a visitation schedule. However, there really is almost no chance that he could get the kind of schedule that he wants.

 

[nextwife]

And why do you think a child should NOT be spending their OWN time, away from MOM, with their Daddy?

Yes, get a paternity establishment and custody visitation agreement set out in court, but little girls NEED their daddy's too. They need the opportunity to have Daddy be the face they see taking care of them, comforting them at night if they cry, the face that tucks them in at night or rocks them to sleep. Why should you be the oinly one that gets to parent this child that you BOTH made? Babyhood passes very fast-you should BOTH be able to spend your own time with your child. Legally, no you are not OBLIGATED to do this until court CO. But your general concept that Dads should only get to parent their child when hanging out at the mom's house is wrong. They need their own parenting time. And overnights are part of the bonding process. A child needs to see that Dad can also be the face that comforts them when they wake, need changing or are hungry. These actions ("meeting the child's basic needs") are part of the attachment process.

A number of parents on this forum have parenting partners who have had overnights since their child has been quite young.

 

[LdiJ]

And why do you think a child should NOT be spending their OWN time, away from MOM, with their Daddy?

Yes, get a paternity establishment and custody visitation agreement set out in court, but little girls NEED their daddy's too. They need the opportunity to have Daddy be the face they see taking care of them, comforting them at night if they cry, the face that tucks them in at night or rocks them to sleep. Why should you be the oinly one that gets to parent this child that you BOTH made? Babyhood passes very fast-you should BOTH be able to spend your own time with your child. Legally, no you are not OBLIGATED to do this until court CO. But your general concept that Dads should only get to parent their child when hanging out at the mom's house is wrong. They need their own parenting time. And overnights are part of the bonding process. A child needs to see that Dad can also be the face that comforts them when they wake, need changing or are hungry. These actions ("meeting the child's basic needs") are part of the attachment process.

A number of parents on this forum have parenting partners who have had overnights since their child has been quite young.

I am sure that there are many parents who have had overnights with their children even when infants. I am also sure that there a ton of different viewpoints as to whether or not that is appropriate for infants. However, realistically, he really has almost no chance at the 50/50 schedule he wants.....and she has no obligation whatsoever to honor that if she feels that it is inappropriate for her child.

 

[stealth2]

However, realistically, he really has almost no chance at the 50/50 schedule he wants.....and she has no obligation whatsoever to honor that if she feels that it is inappropriate for her child.

Really, noone can make this statement, LDiJ. It's all up to the judge. And if the judge orders a 50/50 schedule, she certainly DOES have an obligation to honor it.

Until such a time that there IS a finding of paternity and a custody/visitation order, however - she can do as she likes.

 

[nextwife]

Yes, she can do as she wishes. But, much of what I have found in research shows that Dads who get a lot of their own time with their children when young have stronger bonds with them. Now, if one thinks having Dad connect strongly with their child from the outset is a GOOD thing, then maybe one does not need to be ORDERED to do this.

If one believes Dad's are merely to be used as a financial assessory to parenting, then, by all means, lets not let Dad's have any time that is not in a CO. Who are they, anyway, to want to also get to parent their child? How dare they think they should also get to parent their child? Let's not realize that, married or not, BOTH parents created this child and making kids outside of marriage should not entitle moms to be self serving about the child spending their babyhood being parented by BOTH their parents.

Ya know, due to circumstances, I lost the chance to parent my daughter during her babyhood (it took almost a year to get through the paper process and get her here ), and it breaks my heart that I didn't have that time with her. One can never go back and recapture it. THey are only baby's once. Dad will be Dad for this child's entire life. The sooner they start the bonding process and having their own time, the better for both of them. Dad's are important to kids, from the beginning, ever if you aren't married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[stealth2]

You're preaching to the choir, babe!