Can I deny visits

[ray123]

What is the name of your state? Louisiana
My daughter visited my ex-wife this weekend and I found out that the EX is using marijuana. I have a dozen pictures of the drug and the stuff used to smoke and cut it that were taken in her trailer. My ex-wife also allowed my daughter to drink alcohol and allowed a 15 year old boy to sleep over there. I filed a police report, what else can I do to protect my daughter? The Ex also has been arrested for Child neglect in the past. Could someone tell me the steps to take in order to ensure my daughters future safety. I'm no idiot but it seems as though I can't get any help from Child Protective Services or from a judge who denied temp. full custody until next months hearing. The EX wife had done drugs for years and now I finally have the proof, Can I deny visits or will I go to jail for contempt of court? Please tell me the format to follow to ensure my daughters safety.

 

[stealth2]

How were those photos obtained, and how can you PROVE when/where they were taken?

Allowing the child to drink alcohol and have a 15yo boy sleep over are not necessarily illegal. Most states allow a parent to provide their own child with alcohol. And I have 15yo boys sleeping over here frequently - doesn't mean they're doing anything with my daughter.

 

[Ohiogal]

You have to follow the court order. If you don't want to then you will most likely be found in contempt. The other thing is that your 15-year-old is old enough to assume some responsibility for her actions. She apparently CHOSE to drank the alcohol. What have you done to deal with that part of it?

 

[ray123]

Chose to drink!!!

Since when is it right for a Child of 14 years old to drink!! Correct me if I'm wrong but the legal drinking age is 21 years old. Not because they just made up a legal drinking age but It has been scientifically proven that the liver of a 14 year old is not mature enough to handle liquor!! If a parent gives their chld a gun and says go shoot him/her, does that void all responsibility of the parent because the child chose to do that action. Please people wake up and smell the coffee. At the age of 14 years old it is hard enough for a child to tell their friends no! But let a mother allow her child to drink alcohol and it is next to impossible to tell the parent they trust with their life"NO". That's just one of the fact's, the other is that the mother does drugs and has them in front of the Children including mine! That is a felony charge the last time I checked! I want my child in her mothers life but if she can't be responsible when her child visits her for 4 times out of the month then something is seriously wrong! What I have done to handle the issue is tell my child that it is wrong to drink, smoke or do drugs. I also lead by example because neither my wife or me do none of the above.

 

[Ohiogal]

Since when is it right for a Child of 14 years old to drink!! Correct me if I'm wrong but the legal drinking age is 21 years old. Not because they just made up a legal drinking age but It has been scientifically proven that the liver of a 14 year old is not mature enough to handle liquor!! If a parent gives their chld a gun and says go shoot him/her, does that void all responsibility of the parent because the child chose to do that action. Please people wake up and smell the coffee. At the age of 14 years old it is hard enough for a child to tell their friends no! But let a mother allow her child to drink alcohol and it is next to impossible to tell the parent they trust with their life"NO". That's just one of the fact's, the other is that the mother does drugs and has them in front of the Children including mine! That is a felony charge the last time I checked! I want my child in her mothers life but if she can't be responsible when her child visits her for 4 times out of the month then something is seriously wrong! What I have done to handle the issue is tell my child that it is wrong to drink, smoke or do drugs. I also lead by example because neither my wife or me do none of the above.

It is okay in many states for a PARENT to give a chlid alcohol. Many cultures children start drinking wine or other alcohol even younger than that because it is tradition. You are speaking of emotion and this is NOT emotional. This is fact and legal. As for drugs -- you need to prove that mom is using and that mom's use impacts her ability to parent so that it puts the child in danger!
The one that needs to wake up truthfully is you! You wanted legal advice and you got it.

 

[stealth2]

Since when is it right for a Child of 14 years old to drink!! Correct me if I'm wrong but the legal drinking age is 21 years old. Not because they just made up a legal drinking age but It has been scientifically proven that the liver of a 14 year old is not mature enough to handle liquor!! If a parent gives their chld a gun and says go shoot him/her, does that void all responsibility of the parent because the child chose to do that action. Please people wake up and smell the coffee. At the age of 14 years old it is hard enough for a child to tell their friends no! But let a mother allow her child to drink alcohol and it is next to impossible to tell the parent they trust with their life"NO".

I do hate repeating myself. In many states, it is perfectly legal for a PARENT to provide alcohol to THEIR child. You can argue about whether that's good or bad all you like. The fact remains.

That's just one of the fact's, the other is that the mother does drugs and has them in front of the Children including mine! That is a felony charge the last time I checked! I want my child in her mothers life but if she can't be responsible when her child visits her for 4 times out of the month then something is seriously wrong! What I have done to handle the issue is tell my child that it is wrong to drink, smoke or do drugs.

And again - HOW did you get the photos? Can you PROVE that the drugs they show are (a) hers and/or (b) in her home?

I also lead by example because neither my wife or me do none of the above.

I hope your example includes better grammar, since the above sentence indicates that both of you do all of the above. Pesky double negatives.

 

[nextwife]

Ok, I'm now 53, and have a nine year old daughter. I drink little, a glass of wine or ****tail

(added: wow, the site blocked the use of part of the word for a mixed alchoholic beverage)

once or twice a week.

As a kid, on holidays, and when we went out for a nice dinner, my parents allowed me a glass of wine from the time I was about 13. Because they didn't treat alchohol as "the fordidden fruit", I didn't overindulge once I became of age.

 

[stealth2]

And that really is a more reasonable way of handling it, IMO. Both of mine (early/mid teens) have tasted alcohol in various forms. They both cook a lot (with and without me), and have learned to cook with wine since I do - they've both tasted a variety of different wines so that they could have a better taste of how a particular variety would go with a particular ingredient. Elder is developing a palatte, knows he prefers red to white, shiraz to cabernet, and that if he'd like a glass of wine with dinner on the weekend, all he need to is ask. Generally he doesn't, although he did ask for a glass of bubbly at New Year's. As he says "Eh, I like how it works with food, but I don't like it enough to drink it all the time."

I'd personally rather have a hand in teaching them to drink responsibly than see them hit 18/19/20 and binge on it 'cause it's forbidden.

 

[momxthree]

Ray123, I'm not an attorney and do not pretend to know the law. But I've had to search the LA Civil Code a lot lately. Ran into this one.... RS14:92.1
A. It is unlawful for any person, other than a parent, spouse, or legal guardian, as specified in R.S. 14:93.10(2)(a)(ii), to purchase on behalf of a person under twenty-one years of age any alcoholic beverage.
Note: "other than a parent" part... sorry. Not saying it is 'right' and not saying that the judge would approve either. Not sure what Parish you are in but EBR judges (at least the two I've had experience with don't look too kindly on this sort of thing). They are going to look at what the best interest of the child is and unfortunately that opinion is subjective. And, not seeing Mom is hard for a lot to swallow even if it is what is best for the child.
Hope you have evidence to support both claims, if you deny visitation and Mom takes you to court for contempt you better be able to show it.
Good luck!

Also, in my court order I asked that no one of the opposite sex is to spend the night while the children are in his care (unless that person is related by marriage or blood). That would prevent her from being able to have boys spend the night. And this goes for both parents.
You could also request a drug test, be ready for her side to ask for the same at your expense! But if you are confident that the ex is using drugs and subjecting your child to it, it will be worth the cost.

 

[stealth2]

R
You could also request a drug test, be ready for her side to ask for the same at your expense! But if you are confident that the ex is using drugs and subjecting your child to it, it will be worth the cost.

W/o actual proof that drugs are an issue (and so far, his photos aren't proof), drug testing is unlikely to occur.

 

[momxthree]

Yes, but RS 9:331.1 (drug testing in custody and visitation matters) says that the court 'can' order a drug test if 'good cause' is shown, not necessarily actual proof. He still has not said exactly what kind of pictures he has. Maybe his attorney can give him an idea of how his judge generally rules on these matters. Personally, I wouldn't bring up a thing to the judge unless I had actual proof that a law or court order had been broken. The only law that 'may' have been broken is the drugs. As for the other two (sleep over and drinking), neither is illegal and the judge can not MAKE Mom live the way Dad does no matter what Dad wants.
Dad can ASK (not demand) that provisions be put in place like not having someone of the opposite sex sleep over and/or no consumption of alcohol but that is up to the judge.

 

[Ohiogal]

Photos are not it though. Prove that marijuana is not oregano. Prove that what she is rolling is not just tobacco and she makes her own cigs.

 

[momxthree]

Oregno...hahaha.... your right, I didn't think about that!! When you said "actual proof", what does that mean? Other than someone showing up to court 'high', what do you think would do it for the Judge to order a drug test? (I'm asking for myself as well, not meaning to highjack but hopefully your answer well help both of us).

 

[Ohiogal]

Oregno...hahaha.... your right, I didn't think about that!! When you said "actual proof", what does that mean? Other than someone showing up to court 'high', what do you think would do it for the Judge to order a drug test? (I'm asking for myself as well, not meaning to highjack but hopefully your answer well help both of us).

How many convictions for drugs does mom have since the last hearing? How many times has mom been charged and convicted with child neglect due to drugs?