Can I do this on my own?

[auntlemon33]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida
Good afternoon all. Please help! I share joint parental responsibility for my 8 year old son with my ex husband. There is no child support, our son spends equal time every week with each of us. There are a few things going on here so stick with me.

Our settlement states that we are equally responsible for child care and insurance expenses. Also that if we make a verbal agreement to change that there is no problem...as long as we mutually agree. We have agreed for the last 2 years that he will pay for after school care and I will pay for all of the health, accident and dental insurance. That was the agreement. For the past 2 summers he has refused to pay for daycare. Instead of arguing this past summer I asked him to agree to split health insurance through the summer and I would handle daycare through the summer. Now that school has started he refuses to split after school care or insurance at all. Our settlement agreement states we must share equal. I have the papers to file a motion for civil contempt but I am afraid....

Here's the next biggie, my ex husband is a bully, combative, argumentative and I feel mentally abusive. He says things in front of and to our son that is way out of line(ie, tell your mom this and your mom better do that). Calls me names, tells him what he can and can't do at my home. My son loves his Dad, but this is having an emotional effect on him. Not only that but The social enviornment at his fathers home (he resides with girlfriend and her 2 sons) is stressful. I am told constanlty by two people in the home that there is constant arguing, bickering and calling and that he may be on the verge of moving out.

I don't want child support I don't want full custody...but I want to be the one who calls the shots regarding the care of my son. I have tried to discuss different sports and activities as well as counsiling. However, my ex husband responds to me weeks and even months later when he makes the choice. It isn't fair to my son and it isn't fair that he is the one in charge of this. I have approached him on one accasion regarding something that my son came home to tell me. You know what he did??? He verbally reprimanded our son when he went back to his house. Now i feel as though my hands are tied. If I confront him as a co-parent, my son is gonna be brow beaten over it. This has been going on for 3 years..Do I have a chance at custody modification especially acting as my own rep? I don't have the money for an attorney. Sorry to be so long winded, I need some advice. Thank you!

I would also like to point out that I am remarried and my current husband and I support my some in every way possible. We do everything we can to encourage him to be a great person and love him so very much. I also bend on occassions so that he can see his fathers side of the family and always try to make sure he does see his father on certain holidays even when it is my scheduled time. I don't want my son to miss out on anything. I have tried for so long to get along with this man and I am met with nothing but ugliness, everything is always how he wants it.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida
Good afternoon all. Please help! I share joint parental responsibility for my 8 year old son with my ex husband. There is no child support, our son spends equal time every week with each of us. There are a few things going on here so stick with me.

Our settlement states that we are equally responsible for child care and insurance expenses. Also that if we make a verbal agreement to change that there is no problem...as long as we mutually agree. We have agreed for the last 2 years that he will pay for after school care and I will pay for all of the health, accident and dental insurance. That was the agreement. For the past 2 summers he has refused to pay for daycare. Instead of arguing this past summer I asked him to agree to split health insurance through the summer and I would handle daycare through the summer. Now that school has started he refuses to split after school care or insurance at all. Our settlement agreement states we must share equal. I have the papers to file a motion for civil contempt but I am afraid....

Here's the next biggie, my ex husband is a bully, combative, argumentative and I feel mentally abusive. He says things in front of and to our son that is way out of line(ie, tell your mom this and your mom better do that). Calls me names, tells him what he can and can't do at my home. My son loves his Dad, but this is having an emotional effect on him. Not only that but The social enviornment at his fathers home (he resides with girlfriend and her 2 sons) is stressful. I am told constanlty by two people in the home that there is constant arguing, bickering and calling and that he may be on the verge of moving out.

I don't want child support I don't want full custody...but I want to be the one who calls the shots regarding the care of my son. I have tried to discuss different sports and activities as well as counsiling. However, my ex husband responds to me weeks and even months later when he makes the choice. It isn't fair to my son and it isn't fair that he is the one in charge of this. I have approached him on one accasion regarding something that my son came home to tell me. You know what he did??? He verbally reprimanded our son when he went back to his house. Now i feel as though my hands are tied. If I confront him as a co-parent, my son is gonna be brow beaten over it. This has been going on for 3 years..Do I have a chance at custody modification especially acting as my own rep? I don't have the money for an attorney. Sorry to be so long winded, I need some advice. Thank you!

I would also like to point out that I am remarried and my current husband and I support my some in every way possible. We do everything we can to encourage him to be a great person and love him so very much. I also bend on occassions so that he can see his fathers side of the family and always try to make sure he does see his father on certain holidays even when it is my scheduled time. I don't want my son to miss out on anything. I have tried for so long to get along with this man and I am met with nothing but ugliness, everything is always how he wants it.

I am going to be honest with you, there is no real legal way to accomplish what you want to accomplish. Even if you were to get sole decision making abilities, its not going to change dad's nature or change the way dad handles things. Yes, it might relieve a small amount of the stress, but in some ways it might make dad worse, as he would be likely to be very angry about it.

You absolutely need to take him to court for contempt for not paying his share of daycare and health insurance expenses. Don't let him get away with that, even if it does make him angry.

However, as for the rest, I would recommend that you get your son into counseling, if at all possible, to help him learn some coping skills for dealing with the situation.

 

[auntlemon33]

Thank you so very much for your reply. I must say, i am just beside myself. God this hurts so much. With respect to the counsiling. I have tried to speak with his father about this and he refuses to agree. I have offered to pay and take him. He won't agree agree, what do I do? Can he hold me in contempt? Thank you and your right, my son will suffer if I try to modify the custody. But I will pursue the civil contempt. Why do adults, mother or father have to be this way. These are kids who deserve the love and respect of both parent no matter if they like eah other or not. THINK ABOUT THE KIDS FIRST PEOPLE!!!

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you so very much for your reply. I must say, i am just beside myself. God this hurts so much. With respect to the counsiling. I have tried to speak with his father about this and he refuses to agree. I have offered to pay and take him. He won't agree agree, what do I do? Can he hold me in contempt? Thank you and your right, my son will suffer if I try to modify the custody. But I will pursue the civil contempt. Why do adults, mother or father have to be this way. These are kids who deserve the love and respect of both parent no matter if they like eah other or not. THINK ABOUT THE KIDS FIRST PEOPLE!!!

Your son could see the school counselor without dad's specific consent. However, while you are filing for contempt, you could go ahead and also file a motion asking the judge to order that your son have counseling. You could ask for that to be heard at the same time as the contempt.

 

[auntlemon33]

When asking for that to be heard at the same time as the contempt, does that mean I need to file another set of papers in addition to the contempt forms or can I include it on the contempt forms? Thank you again for your advice.

 

[auntlemon33]

One more question ....

Let's say I pursue the custody modification to be named primary parent for the decision making. Do you think I would even have a chance in front of the judge? I have spoken with my husband and we both agree that for now the civil contempt might light a fire for my son's father and let him know I mean business and won't be bullied and ordered around by him concerning our son. I am thinking in the future, just in case he doesn't comply and get his act togetehr. Thank you for your time.

 

[Ohiogal]

MOst likely no.

 

[auntlemon33]

Please tell me why you think not. Thanks!

 

[auntlemon33]

Finally got my court date...

Greetings!
Well, I received my court date via mail this morning. I have a week to prepare. But I have no idea what to expect, what to do???

The Judge referred my motion for contempt to a child support hearing officer. But what I don't understand it why a child support officer? The motion is for civil contempt again as he refuses to split the cost of daycare and only pays his share of the health insurance when he sees fit. Should I be worried?

 

[LdiJ]

Greetings!
Well, I received my court date via mail this morning. I have a week to prepare. But I have no idea what to expect, what to do???

The Judge referred my motion for contempt to a child support hearing officer. But what I don't understand it why a child support officer? The motion is for civil contempt again as he refuses to split the cost of daycare and only pays his share of the health insurance when he sees fit. Should I be worried?

No, those issues are usually handled as child support matters.

 

[auntlemon33]

Thanks, any idea what I can expect? I have never done anything like this before? Any advice on hw to prep..anything is much appreciated.

 

[Gracie3787]

Thanks, any idea what I can expect? I have never done anything like this before? Any advice on hw to prep..anything is much appreciated.

Just take all documentation of his non payment with you to court. For a contempt hearing, your ex has the burden to prove that he did pay, or that he had a valid reason for not paying.

 

[auntlemon33]

Hello all...I know there are a lot of other parents out there who are dealing with more seriuos issues, and I thank you all for your advice. I received another phone call today and found out that again my EH is confiding adult things to my son conerning his relationship and the other 2 children in the HH. I am fully expection my son to try and talk about it tonight. This usually happens after his long visit. I never dig information, instead just listen and try and be positive about the situation, iron out the wrinkles and try and make him feel better.

All of this is just so unfair to him...he should not have to carry his father's burden...he is just a kid. I wish there was some way I could make this stop. ANy advice???

 

[auntlemon33]

CHearing is tomorrow...any advice?

Tomorrow is my hearing for a motion of civil contempt I filed. EH isn't holding up his end of our settlement in terms of sharing in the cost of daycare.

What can I expect? I am just sick with anxiety. We are going in front of a child support enforcement officer. I have all of my information in a tidy binder, but I am so afraid...I have never done this. Please any advice or input is much appreciated. Any idea if this person we are seeing may listen to anything other than what the contempt was filed about?

PS sorry about posting this on two othwr threads, I was hoping for more feedback.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

You need to present your evidence to the judge/magistrate/referee (whoever it is you are in front of). Think short and sweet:

You: Per our court order of (enter in the dates), you are to do what. You can state your deviation since the intent was for the bills to be split evenly. Present your bills accordingly.

Expectation: the whoever can only rule on contempt of your court order, not the "agreement". So, expect for the whoever to rule on "half" of the bills, not your agreement.