Can I get my daughter back?

[illyanarasputen]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? South Carolina

My daughter was adopted by my uncle and his wife when she was 3. She was not taken from me. Her father and I were going through divorce and felt she would have a more stable unbringing in a home with a father and a mother who had a stable relationship and income. I was told that I could speak to her whenever I wanted but after the papers were signed I was banned from contacting her even though I am a blood relative of her adopted father. My daughter is now 16 and has contacted me online. She has spoken to the police about sexual abuse by my uncle. She didn't take it to court because they told her she would be placed in an orphanage or with strangers. She is begging me to let her live with me. Is there anything I can do legally to get her back?

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? South Carolina

My daughter was adopted by my uncle and his wife when she was 3. She was not taken from me. Her father and I were going through divorce and felt she would have a more stable unbringing in a home with a father and a mother who had a stable relationship and income. I was told that I could speak to her whenever I wanted but after the papers were signed I was banned from contacting her even though I am a blood relative of her adopted father. My daughter is now 16 and has contacted me online. She has spoken to the police about sexual abuse by my uncle. She didn't take it to court because they told her she would be placed in an orphanage or with strangers. She is begging me to let her live with me. Is there anything I can do legally to get her back?

She is no longer your daughter, and neither of you have standing to do anything.

I do find it a little hard to believe that she reported sexual abuse and nothing happened just because she didn't want to go into foster care - that's really not how it works.

I'm not saying she wasn't abused - but there's also a chance she's playing you for sympathy. Specially if her parents (yes, they are her parents) are stricter than you, who she hasn't seen in years and certainly carry novelty value.

 

[illyanarasputen]

She is no longer your daughter, and neither of you have standing to do anything.

I do find it a little hard to believe that she reported sexual abuse and nothing happened just because she didn't want to go into foster care - that's really not how it works.

I'm not saying she wasn't abused - but there's also a chance she's playing you for sympathy. Specially if her parents (yes, they are her parents) are stricter than you, who she hasn't seen in years and certainly carry novelty value.

I have considered that she may be lying. Once I discussed her claim with other family members my brother also came forward and admitted our uncle also sexually abused him as a child. I literally have no idea of how to help my daughter. I have been able to see her every Thanksgiving and Christmas for the last 5 years but the subject of our bioligical relationship is off limits even though shes known I am her birth mom her entire life.

 

[Proserpina]

I have considered that she may be lying. Once I discussed her claim with other family members my brother also came forward and admitted our uncle also sexually abused him as a child. I literally have no idea of how to help my daughter. I have been able to see her every Thanksgiving and Christmas for the last 5 years but the subject of our bioligical relationship is off limits even though shes known I am her birth mom her entire life.

If she is being abused, she needs to contact her school counselors and/or another adult who can report it. Is your brother comfortable knowing that his once-niece is in a potentially dangerous situation yet he's done nothing about it either?

I'm sorry - but one of the grown ups needs to do the right thing here.

That aside, and I know this isn't what you want to hear, you're not her Mom and you'll have to wait until she's 18 if you want her to live with you.

 

[illyanarasputen]

Also, I do understand that legally she is not my daughter. Thats why I haven't just gone to get her. Its hard to explain the situation. Everyone in our family calls her my daughter except my uncle and his wife. Its just habit to say "my daughter" when she calls me mamma and not my legal name.

 

[illyanarasputen]

If she is being abused, she needs to contact her school counselors and/or another adult who can report it. Is your brother comfortable knowing that his once-niece is in a potentially dangerous situation yet he's done nothing about it either?

I'm sorry - but one of the grown ups needs to do the right thing here.

That aside, and I know this isn't what you want to hear, you're not her Mom and you'll have to wait until she's 18 if you want her to live with you.

We just found out 5 hours ago that this has happened. I have not contacted the authorities at my daughter's request. She is afraid that she won't be able to see the rest of the family for 2 years if she's placed in foster care. Also, the news is reporting that the state is 40 foster families short of having enough to give homes to all of the foster children currently in SC.

 

[LdiJ]

We just found out 5 hours ago that this has happened. I have not contacted the authorities at my daughter's request. She is afraid that she won't be able to see the rest of the family for 2 years if she's placed in foster care. Also, the news is reporting that the state is 40 foster families short of having enough to give homes to all of the foster children currently in SC.

You and your brothers are legally your child's cousins now, and as such, have little standing for placement should CPS get involved in the child's life. You are not completely ruled out, but you would be low on the list. However, Your grandparents, and your parents and any other siblings of your Uncle and his wife WOULD have standing for kinship placement if CPS removed the child from their household.

 

[illyanarasputen]

You and your brothers are legally your child's cousins now, and as such, have little standing for placement should CPS get involved in the child's life. You are not completely ruled out, but you would be low on the list. However, Your grandparents, and your parents and any other siblings of your Uncle and his wife WOULD have standing for kinship placement if CPS removed the child from their household.

That is good to know. My mother would gladly take her into her home. She is "the uncle"'s sister.

Thank you all for the advice. We are having a family meeting as soon as everyone gets here to confront my uncle and help our little girl.

 

[Proserpina]

That is good to know. My mother would gladly take her into her home. She is "the uncle"'s sister.

Thank you all for the advice. We are having a family meeting as soon as everyone gets here to confront my uncle and help our little girl.

you know, I strongly suggest you DO NOT do that.

Because I'll tell you what's going to happen. Your uncle is going to turn ALL of you away, and there's an excellent chance that none of you are going to see that child for a long, long time.

Let CPS investigate and do their thing. I honestly feel that confronting your uncle is a horrible idea.

 

[Ohiogal]

You and your brothers are legally your child's cousins now, and as such, have little standing for placement should CPS get involved in the child's life. You are not completely ruled out, but you would be low on the list. However, Your grandparents, and your parents and any other siblings of your Uncle and his wife WOULD have standing for kinship placement if CPS removed the child from their household.

REALLY? Have anything to back that up because in many states kinship placement can happen with ANY relative that has a relationship with the child. You may be dashing her hopes for no good reason. Cousins CAN and HAVE gotten kinship placement. Even before parents/siblings of the parents.

 

[LdiJ]

REALLY? Have anything to back that up because in many states kinship placement can happen with ANY relative that has a relationship with the child. You may be dashing her hopes for no good reason. Cousins CAN and HAVE gotten kinship placement. Even before parents/siblings of the parents.

I didn't say that she had no chance. I also wasn't trying to dash her hopes. I was trying to reassure her that if there were other relatives available, particularly grandparents or aunts/uncles, that the child wouldn't be likely to end up in foster care. Uncle is most likely to strenuously object to the child being placed with the legal cousin who gave up the child for adoption. We also all know that grandparents or aunts/uncles are looked to first by CPS.

 

[Ohiogal]

I didn't say that she had no chance. I also wasn't trying to dash her hopes. I was trying to reassure her that if there were other relatives available, particularly grandparents or aunts/uncles, that the child wouldn't be likely to end up in foster care. Uncle is most likely to strenuously object to the child being placed with the legal cousin who gave up the child for adoption. We also all know that grandparents or aunts/uncles are looked to first by CPS.

BULL. That has not been my experience. The people looked at FIRST by CPS are those who step forward -- in my LEGAL COURTROOM JUVENILE EXPERIENCE. Go figure that. I deal with CPS daily and daily that is WHO I see CPS looking at FIRST. So don't even try saying WE ALL KNOW -- because you are dead wrong. If you decide to speak for me -- DO NOT DO SO.