Can I just say no?

[lisars]

What is the name of your state? PA

Last night, my ex informed me that next weekend he can't take our girls for their weekend with him because he's leaving for vacation late Sat. night and needs time to pack,etc. Fine, no problem, I tell him. Then he tells me that he wants to come and get them on Thurs. and bring them home first thing Sat. Does the fact that we already have made July 4th plans and that he's planned this vacation knowing this was his weekend with them give me any right to tell him no? If he had given me enough notice, we could have switched weekends or I could have let him have them a few days longer when they were with him for their week with him last week. He is the one giving up his weekend, I don't have a problem giving him that time back. But, do I have to give him the days he asks for, even though we've already made other plans for the 4th? Thanks in advance, Lisa

 

[tigger22472]

What does your decree state about holidays? I'm assuming it is yours. This answer is a tough one. I will say this and if someone disputes me I will accept that ... this is one of those.. This is what I believe your rights are but I'M NOT 100% sure things. Dad has the right to get his time back if he misses meaning he has the right to make up his time. Does he have the right to TELL YOU when he's doing it? I'm not sure. Then throw a holiday in there and that makes it more complicated. I think if you offer him YOUR next available weekend your safe.. but hopefully someone else will come and know for sure.

 

[lisars]

If only it were that simple. Our decree only covers the "biggies" like Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter. Those are to be alternating every other year.(Only they've been with me for them all but the 1st Thanksgiving we were apart. He had to go and be with whatever new girlfriend and her family there was at the time.)And as far as offering up my next weekend, that's the soon-to-be 7 year-old's b'day party. But even if it weren't, he has every weekend practically till he retires booked for his band playing. And that just means that they'll be out till midnight because as he tells me"They love to come and watch me play." Then he'll send them home with one of his friends until he picks them up at 3AM. It wouldn't be such a tough choice but the girls have been looking forward to this party for awhile.

 

[tigger22472]

Ok.. rephrase then... offer the next weekend you have that doesn't have something MAJOR going on. Of course that doesn't mean you can make things up(not saying you would but some would). As far as him keeping them out that is his right... you might not like it but unless it's endangering the children and it's something you're willing to fight in court about then that is dad's time and has the right to do with them what he wants. AGAIN, if you disagree with this(and I probably wouldn't be so happy myself) then fight it in court. You might not always like the law but it is it. He can say you denied him the right to make up HIS time and try for contempt. As far as the holiday thing goes then it should play no issue if it is addressed.

 

[lisars]

With him I wouldn't need to make things up. I could offer a dozen different times for him to take them and he would come up with 2 dozen reasons why that wouldn't be good for him. It's like he's got a camera focused on my calendar and chooses only the times we already have dentist appts., sleepovers with their friends, spending the weekend with Grandma. And as for taking him to court, I'll choose my battles wisely. When, and if, I ever have to take him into court it's going to take something monumental. I don't agree with him on too many things, but we try to keep it civil for the kids' sake. They know what kind of father he is. And taking him into court will start the name calling and hostility all over again. It's bad enough (for them anyway) that their parents got divorced. They don't need to be put back into that kind of environment. I guess I'll let him know whenever he gets around to calling that we've got other plans but I'd be happy to figure out another time for him to be with them. Fireworks a few days early!

 

[tigger22472]

DO you think he'll cause a stink? If so cover YOUR butt. Hopefully someone can come on here and tell you if PA is a one party state or not. What I'm getting at you can tape your telephone conversation where you offer another time... just not this time. Or better yet. Tell him you are taping it to cover your butt. Another thing you can do is sent a certified letter to him, with of course having a copy for yourself and get a return receipt. I know it sounds like causing trouble but in the end it covers you so that he can't come back and say something else. I see your point very very much but if for say you went to court and said he wants them when there are dentist appointments or whatever a judge is likely to say those can be changed. As far as grandma visits, that's even an iffy. Courts look more at parents rights then grandparents. I'm not saying the stuff he does is right but the more you toe the line the less he can EVER EVER use against you. See my point?

 

[lisars]

He would never let things get to the point of me taking him to court because he's afraid of me getting more CS. He doesn't get that the two are separate issues. The part about them being with my parents works out great for him. They live less than ten minutes from him, so he goes to visit (always in time for lunch or dinner) for awhile then heads back home. He gets to see them, tell his buddies what a great dad he is and doesn't have to give up too much of his time. Would emails count? I've sent him several over the last few years to sent up alternate times, dates, or just to let him know what's up with them. I just never thought to save them. Guess I will from now on. If I told him I was going to tape our conversations, he'd have a coronary. At least I wouldn't be screamed at or MF'd every other word. He'd be too afraid someone else would hear it. He's real big on appearances. When I told him I wanted a divorce, his first response was " But what is everybody going to think? Can I tell them I wanted this first?" Too bad he was never as worried about me and what I thought. So what you're saying is exactly what I've seen written here hundreds of times..document, document, document. Thanks for all the advice.

 

[tigger22472]

You're correct 100% DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT.. you never know when documentation is the answer between keeping your kids or losing custody. Not that he would ever do that but you just never never know and you'd be very upset if you could of prevented something. As far as taping calls again.. if you are a one party state you don't even have to tell him but I"m not sure if you are or not.. others on here would be able to answer that.

 

[lisars]

I almost forgot, he called a little while ago. When I brought up the subject, he told me he had changed his plans and was picking them up Friday and bringing them back Saturday. Nice of him to let me know. Told him of our plans. He says he'll think about it and let me know when he gets back next week. Great, I thought this could be figured out now. That would being asking too much.
Don't think I have to worry about losing them. He wouldn't want them full time and said as much to me before. Of course ,just to be an ass, he could try. There is no way any judge in right mind would take them from our home and put them with him. Of course, Pittsburgh did have the drunk flasher judge. They got rid of him but who knows how many other dimwits are on the bench?
Time to start nagging about pjs and teeth brushing. You;ve given me some good stuff to work with. Thanks.Lisa

 

[stealth2]

PA is a two party state. You may not tape w/o his consent.

 

[JoandJa'smom]

All you have to do is tell him that you already have plans on the 4th w/the kids and can he pick another make up time. If he says no then tell him tough and that since he is canceling his weekend that is his problem and not yours. Hopefully it won't come to that, but just in case it does just stand your ground. I asked my lawyer about these circumstances and she said that if the NCP cancels their time and wants to make it up they can't just choose to so it when they want. It has to be agreed upon for another time otherwise the NCP looses their time.

JoandJa'smom

 

[theother]

I agree with joandja's mom. You are under no obligation to let him pick and choose his replacement weekend. If you already have plans then just tell him that. By the way, I think you sound reasonable and fair and that's nice to see.

 

[CMSC]

I am confused. Okay is the 4th of July his original weekend to have them? If so and he comes to get them, you can't just say no. You said he wants to pick them up THursday and drop them back off Saturday. WHen would his normal weekend visitation start and end for that weekend? He is still allowed that time whether you have plans or not.

 

[theother]

I was under the impression that his weekend starts on Sat. ???

 

[VeeGee]

If he passes up his weekend with the kids it's HIS problem, not yours and you can most certainly so no...JoandJa'smom is correct and I agree with her 100%. If the decree doesn't have any stipulations about make up visits and such, your ok to say no. Especially if it's your weekend to have the kids.