can sexual abuse by child to child be grounds for me to lose custody

[stealth2]

i know my ex would be like @commentator and if she got wind of it, take be back to court "pronto"

I suspect most parents would - I certainly would. While the child is only seven and not a "problem" child (yet), I wouldn't be willing to risk my child's well-being. I would also be concerned that *if* something were to occur between this child and mine, and *if* it came out that I was aware of the situation and did nothing about it - I could also be looking at a failure to protect charge.

That said - have you talked to your girlfriend about this? Has she indicated what - if any - action she is taking to help her child? That would be a driving factor in my decision wrt the relationship (were I in your shoes). If she's getting him some help, I'd likely suggest cooling things as she should focus on him/his current needs (maybe keep things to getting together when neither of you has the kids). If she's viewing it more as "you know kids - they're curious..." I'd be done.

 

[Just Blue]

I suspect most parents would - I certainly would. While the child is only seven and not a "problem" child (yet), I wouldn't be willing to risk my child's well-being. I would also be concerned that *if* something were to occur between this child and mine, and *if* it came out that I was aware of the situation and did nothing about it - I could also be looking at a failure to protect charge.

That said - have you talked to your girlfriend about this? Has she indicated what - if any - action she is taking to help her child? That would be a driving factor in my decision wrt the relationship (were I in your shoes). If she's getting him some help, I'd likely suggest cooling things as she should focus on him/his current needs (maybe keep things to getting together when neither of you has the kids). If she's viewing it more as "you know kids - they're curious..." I'd be done.

Exactly! This doesn't seem like children playing "doctor"... "you show me yours and I'll show you mine", type of situation. One of the children involved was exposed to something he shouldn't have been. Whether it was through sexual abuse can be determined by placing the child in therapy with a Doctor (PhD) who specializes in child sexual abuse cases. Not school counseling. With all due respect, a school counselor is not qualified to handle something this serious.

 

[chicagogsh]

I suspect most parents would - I certainly would. While the child is only seven and not a "problem" child (yet), I wouldn't be willing to risk my child's well-being. I would also be concerned that *if* something were to occur between this child and mine, and *if* it came out that I was aware of the situation and did nothing about it - I could also be looking at a failure to protect charge.

That said - have you talked to your girlfriend about this? Has she indicated what - if any - action she is taking to help her child? That would be a driving factor in my decision wrt the relationship (were I in your shoes). If she's getting him some help, I'd likely suggest cooling things as she should focus on him/his current needs (maybe keep things to getting together when neither of you has the kids). If she's viewing it more as "you know kids - they're curious..." I'd be done.

yes we have talked about it extensively
she has ordered alot of reading material about child sexual behavior/development and will be talking to his school counselor or another therapist more specialized with this

 

[commentator]

Chicagogsh, if this is a misprint and you are just "not good AT letting go" this is your sign and I think you realize it. I also think strongly that this would be not only a good reason for you to break off your relationship with this person and her family, but to make a ptich, during this process that she very much needs to get this child to counseling and get some help for them.

As I mentioned, something, somewhere in this child's world is exposing them to things they do not need to be exposed to. This woman may or may not be an effective parent, but if she is, in any way, she will want to track down where the child got this idea. From the explaning you gave in the beginning, it was her child who was at least a participant if not the instigator of the situation. If I were your ex, I'd think, okay, even if this child was exposed to this by the OTHER child involved, this OTHER child (or whoever is giving the other child such ideas) might be around MY child if this relationship continues. Get away.

 

[AlmostThere]

Okay.. since OP is not quite buying into the idea that his child is at risk, let's frame this from OP being at risk. He is at risk of losing all custody or all unsupervised custody. He is at risk of having to pay more in Child Support if custody changes. And if, God forbid, something happens, and he knows of the risk, he runs the risk of legal consequences for putting the child in a risky situation.

 

[stealth2]

yes we have talked about it extensively
she has ordered alot of reading material about child sexual behavior/development and will be talking to his school counselor or another therapist more specialized with this

At minimum, I would hit the pause button, tbh.

 

[quincy]

i will just wanted to get more information first
most abnormal sexual behavior guides ive read talk more about

• the forcing of the other participant (which i don't think happened here)
• large age gaps in participants
• frequency, inability to stop
• aggression during acts

rather then specific acts

i dont like just reacting to things, i prefer to gain knowledge first and make an informed decision

Here is a link to information provided by the Healthy Children organization, sourced from the American Academy of Pediatrics Council on Child Abuse and Neglect (2023), on the range of behaviors that young children might engage in that can fall within normal behavior:

https://www.healthychildren.org/Eng...ol/Pages/Sexual-Behaviors-Young-Children.aspx

If your girlfriend told you about her son’s experience, she might be as confused by it as you are. She should be applauded for her openness to discuss an uncomfortable topic. Certainly her seeking advice from her son’s pediatrician is a good action to take, as would be you speaking with your son’s pediatrician. At the very least, the young boys should be educated on what is acceptable, while at the same time not blaming them for their natural curiosity about their bodies and the bodies of their friends.