Changing order due to father having no contact in approx 1 year

[catlvr976]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

My ex has not exercised his visitation of our 3 year old twins in over a year now. Father has not even spoken to them by phone in a little over 11 months now.

Per our custody orders: father is supposed to have the children in his custody on an every other weekend basis, from Sat 11am through Sun at 4pm I have primary physical custody. I hope that helps.

I have a pfa against him that is to expire on the 21st of this month. He is not working (says he has neck/back pain/ high blood pressure), not paying any child support and the court is waiting because he filed for disability sometime last year and still nothing has come of it. Anyway, that's why he has not visited, as we are to meet at a halfway point to exchange the kids, because we live 2 hrs apart and he has no vehicle. He is also an alcoholic and is supposed to refrain from any alcohol use prior to his visits.

I was curious about something, I am thinking that he may decide to start exercising his visitation with them once the pfa expires if he can somehow even find a ride. I have no intentions of keeping them from him, however, I do have some concerns that our kids may not even remember or know who he is whenever (or if) he does decide to come around again. Would it be worth it to go back to the courts and ask for some type of way for them to gradually be reintroduced to him? They turned 3 this August.

Thank you very much for any advice in advance.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

My ex has not exercised his visitation of our 3 year old twins in over a year now. Father has not even spoken to them by phone in a little over 11 months now.

Per our custody orders: father is supposed to have the children in his custody on an every other weekend basis, from Sat 11am through Sun at 4pm I have primary physical custody. I hope that helps.

I have a pfa against him that is to expire on the 21st of this month. He is not working (says he has neck/back pain/ high blood pressure), not paying any child support and the court is waiting because he filed for disability sometime last year and still nothing has come of it. Anyway, that's why he has not visited, as we are to meet at a halfway point to exchange the kids, because we live 2 hrs apart and he has no vehicle. He is also an alcoholic and is supposed to refrain from any alcohol use prior to his visits.

I was curious about something, I am thinking that he may decide to start exercising his visitation with them once the pfa expires if he can somehow even find a ride. I have no intentions of keeping them from him, however, I do have some concerns that our kids may not even remember or know who he is whenever (or if) he does decide to come around again. Would it be worth it to go back to the courts and ask for some type of way for them to gradually be reintroduced to him? They turned 3 this August.

Thank you very much for any advice in advance.

So did the PFA go into effect when he stopped seeing the children? If he calls the children, you answer, he may be violating the PFA. And toddlers don't normally talk much. Disability can take a year or more to be approved. If he is disabled, he can be paid from the time he was approved AND the children's benefits will go to that point. Have you been showing them pictures of their father or talking about his father? Have you allowed his father's family to be around them or contacted them during the last year? You could attempt to go back to court but until the court issues a new order, you must follow the old order.

 

[catlvr976]

Yes, the pfa went into effect at that time, however, the courts allowed him to have phone conversations with him and that he was only allowed to ask me info about the kids. That was included in the custody orders. I apologize for not mentioning that.

They have seen pics of him, say it's their dad; his family has not had any contact (phone or any kind of visits). They are under the impression from him that they are not allowed to speak to me b/c of the pfa. He told them they can't talk to me or he would get into trouble. I tried explaining that they aren't part of the pfa to his sister, but she didn't seem as though she believed me.

As I said, I would never try to keep my kids from their dad or his family. I was only curious and trying to minimize whatever distress they might go through if/when he decides to ever see them again.

Thanks again.

 

[Proserpina]

Yes, the pfa went into effect at that time, however, the courts allowed him to have phone conversations with him and that he was only allowed to ask me info about the kids. That was included in the custody orders. I apologize for not mentioning that.

They have seen pics of him, say it's their dad; his family has not had any contact (phone or any kind of visits). They are under the impression from him that they are not allowed to speak to me b/c of the pfa. He told them they can't talk to me or he would get into trouble. I tried explaining that they aren't part of the pfa to his sister, but she didn't seem as though she believed me.

As I said, I would never try to keep my kids from their dad or his family. I was only curious and trying to minimize whatever distress they might go through if/when he decides to ever see them again.

Thanks again.

With young children in particular, it's not a bad idea to get back to court to modify the order so that there's a stepped-up reintroduction period. Have a chat with a local attorney. It shouldn't cost too much, and you're actually helping both Dad and (more importantly) the kids.

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

My ex has not exercised his visitation of our 3 year old twins in over a year now. Father has not even spoken to them by phone in a little over 11 months now.

Per our custody orders: father is supposed to have the children in his custody on an every other weekend basis, from Sat 11am through Sun at 4pm I have primary physical custody. I hope that helps.

I have a pfa against him that is to expire on the 21st of this month. He is not working (says he has neck/back pain/ high blood pressure), not paying any child support and the court is waiting because he filed for disability sometime last year and still nothing has come of it. Anyway, that's why he has not visited, as we are to meet at a halfway point to exchange the kids, because we live 2 hrs apart and he has no vehicle. He is also an alcoholic and is supposed to refrain from any alcohol use prior to his visits.

I was curious about something, I am thinking that he may decide to start exercising his visitation with them once the pfa expires if he can somehow even find a ride. I have no intentions of keeping them from him, however, I do have some concerns that our kids may not even remember or know who he is whenever (or if) he does decide to come around again. Would it be worth it to go back to the courts and ask for some type of way for them to gradually be reintroduced to him? They turned 3 this August.

Thank you very much for any advice in advance.

If your children had not seen a strawberry in 11 months (+) would they remember? Is Dad not more important than a berry??

 

[BL]

The visits are suppose to be exchanged 1/2 way.

Does Dad live with someone ?

Does he have access to transportation for pick ups / drop offs ?

If he's still actively drinking and the drink has more control over him that wanting his children's visitations , then a modification may be in order.

I could be he has no way to pick up /drop off , or the means to feed the children during visits , and depression could play a roll .

If the order lets you have communication about the children ,why not take some updated pics and send them to Dad.

It may motivate him ....

Why in a yr. or the past 11 months couldn't you have drove to a pulic place near him so he could see his children for a few hrs.?

 

[Ohiogal]

Question: OP have you driven to the halfway point every time for dad's visitation? Or have you just stayed at home?

 

[catlvr976]

Question: OP have you driven to the halfway point every time for dad's visitation? Or have you just stayed at home?

I have not. He told me last year that he cannot meet halfway as he has no car. He told me that if something were to ever change, like he could get a ride, he would call me and let me know. The attorney I had at the time knows about this.

When he was removed from the home, after refusing to work, he finally got a temp job and was working. It wasn't until he left that he decided to go for disability since he said he would not support his kids if I kicked him out.

He got in trouble last Dec for violating the pfa, calling in the middle of the night to harass/threaten me. Ever since that time, he stopped calling to ask. Prior to this, when he would be sober, he would call at the court appointed time of 7pm to speak to the kids, but there were times he would try to ask about my life, if I was seeing anyone; as if he was only using talking to the kids as an excuse to try and keep tabs on me. He was reminded of the time he was allowed to call and that he cannot ask about me, my life, harass me and only ask about the kids.

I have no idea if he still lives with his elderly relative, as he did not show up for our last child support hearing. I would think he has food, as he gets food stamps for himself. I am sure this is not correct, but I am not about to go chasing a grown man down, trying to force him to have a relationship with his kids if he's more concerned about using phone calls to try and keep control over me and my life and not actually calling because he wants to talk to his own kids and drinking/partying/drugging or whatever it is he's doing and not even trying to get himself better to take care of/see his kids. As I said, I am only trying to look out for the well being of my kids. I cannot force him to have a relationship with them.


Please understand, I would like the kids to see their dad and know who he is, but I feel that if he truly wants to be in their lives, he would make some kind of an effort, that it should not entirely be on myself.