Changing parenting plan

[k_leavitt]

What is the name of your state? MO
My ex has joint physical custody of my 9 year old daughter for the last 4 years. He makes it very hard for me to see her except for what is in the parenting plan (every other weekend and certain holidays). He is remarried and my daughter calls her step mother "mom" and me by my name in their house. My daughter doesn't think that I have any say in any decisions where she is concerned and her step mom comes across as thought she is the "parent". My daughter has been told that her father and step mom are her parents and they are raising her and I am just the "fun mom". My ex goes out of town alot on business and my daughter stays with her step mom and her step brother and her father will not even consider letting me have more time with my daughter. What is needed to modify a parenting plan, which is through the courts, so I can have more time with my daughter?
Thank you for your advice.

 

[moburkes]

I take it that you do not have right of first refusal in your plan? He is not required to offer you time that is not required by your parenting plan.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

You would need to file a Form 14 Family Access Motion but the bigger question(s) are these:

1. why does ex have custody?

2. how long has it been since custody was decided?

 

[k_leavitt]

No unfortunately I do not have a right of refusal in our parenting plan. 4 years ago when I had custody we moved back to KC and I stayed with a girlfriend of mine. The atmosphere there was not approprite for her and I was working a commission job so I went to her father and asked him to take her until I got back on my feet. I got depressed looking for a new job and didn't call or see her for about 30 days. When I found a good job (approx. 2 months after she went with him) I asked for her back and he took me to court and said there was a change of circuminstance and he was given physical custody of her. This was 4 years ago. He attempted to take me back to court a couple of years ago trying to get me supervised visitation but my daughters attorney seen no reason for this so we never made it to court.

 

[Ohiogal]

No unfortunately I do not have a right of refusal in our parenting plan. 4 years ago when I had custody we moved back to KC and I stayed with a girlfriend of mine. The atmosphere there was not approprite for her and I was working a commission job so I went to her father and asked him to take her until I got back on my feet. I got depressed looking for a new job and didn't call or see her for about 30 days. When I found a good job (approx. 2 months after she went with him) I asked for her back and he took me to court and said there was a change of circuminstance and he was given physical custody of her. This was 4 years ago. He attempted to take me back to court a couple of years ago trying to get me supervised visitation but my daughters attorney seen no reason for this so we never made it to court.

Here is the problem -- he won custody and you are going to need a substantial change in circumstance to change custody again. To modify the parenting plan -- without showing the court such -- you will need him to agree. he does not have to give you more time than what the plan calls for. He does have to provide you with the time in the plan.
She calls stepmom 'mom' in their house? What does she call you when she is with you? Also what did your daughter's attorney state about your visitation -- did he suggest it should be increased?

 

[k_leavitt]

Sometimes she slips and calls me by my name, she apologizes and I never get mad at her for it. We never got far enough in the court process for her attorney to suggest that because it was costing me a fortune and I didn't have enough money to move forward with my attorney. Her father will never agree to allow me more time with her because he wants me out of the picture, if he is underminding me as her parent would that be considered substantial change in circumstance or can you tell me what would be considered substantial change in circumstance?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Sometimes she slips and calls me by my name, she apologizes and I never get mad at her for it. We never got far enough in the court process for her attorney to suggest that because it was costing me a fortune and I didn't have enough money to move forward with my attorney. Her father will never agree to allow me more time with her because he wants me out of the picture, if he is underminding me as her parent would that be considered substantial change in circumstance or can you tell me what would be considered substantial change in circumstance?

At this point, you have no grounds on which to support a Form 14 motion. You MAY be able to get more time with the child if you are in close proximity or even the 'right of first refusal' but those are issues over and above the change in circumstances the Missouri (and specifically Jackson County) courts are required to consider in such a motion.

At this point, I would advise filing the Form 14 but limiting your motion to add the right of first refusal and the additional parenting time. As Missouri allows for an adjustment of child support based on the percentage of time the ncp spends with the child, I would offer the ex that you will not motion for a concurrent reduction if he agrees with the additional time and the refusal rights.

Otherwise, if you are paying support, add in your motion a reduction of the amount based on the percentage of time you wish to spend with her.

By the way, since you never mentioned anything about support, are you paying or is there a support order? It's important to know.

 

[k_leavitt]

There is a support order and I am current. He does everything he can to keep my time with my daughter limited and I was just hoping there was a chance for me to get more time with her and stop him from manulipating her. Thank you for your advise and I will surely see about the motion. I'm sure I will be back for more advise. Thanks again

 

[BelizeBreeze]

There is a support order and I am current. He does everything he can to keep my time with my daughter limited and I was just hoping there was a chance for me to get more time with her and stop him from manulipating her. Thank you for your advise and I will surely see about the motion. I'm sure I will be back for more advise. Thanks again

I would suggest you familiarize yourself with Section 452.370 of the RSMO. Ex might not be so willing to be pissy if he AND his wife had to turn over their financials ot you on motions to modify support.
by the way, were they married when he received custody?

 

[k_leavitt]

I do have another question, do I have any grounds to take him back to court if he is interferring with my relationship with my daughter? Yes they were married when he received custody.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

I do have another question, do I have any grounds to take him back to court if he is interferring with my relationship with my daughter? Yes they were married when he received custody.

Call the jackson county courthouse downtown and ask them where you can get a Form 14 and how much it will cost to file. Then just file the thing. It's very simple to complete and if you want an attorney to look it over that shouldn't cost you that much.

 

[k_leavitt]

That's what I'll do, thanks again for all your advise everyone

 

[BelizeBreeze]

additionally:

Are they living in jackson, clay, wyandotte or johnson county?

Has the relationship changes with your daughter the longer she is with them?

Have either of them had a significant rise in income? have you?

Have they at any time (and documented by you) refused you visitation when it was your time to have such visitation?

 

[k_leavitt]

They live in jackson county and I live in clay county, the order is through clay county. I'm sure their income has increased since 2001, I was just recently laid off from my job (10/15/06) and I am sure my income will decrease when I find a new job. 2 years ago he denied me vacation, went to court and the judge made him give me another week of my choice which he did. I couldn't persue the case any further because my attorney at the time charged me alot of money to just get my week back and I couldn't afford to persue it at that time. My relationship with my daughter gets more difficult the longer she is with them in that she doesn't think I have any authority. She asks me why her father gets to make all the decisons and I don't, I just try to keep calm waters hoping he will allow me extra time with her but it has come to the point that I have no say in what happens where she is concerned. Is there anything at all I can do?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

All you can do at this time is to file the Form 14 Family Access Motion, ask the court to compel discovery of BOTH of their financials, request additional parenting time and ask to have the child appointed a guardian ad litem as you suspect parental alienation by both the ex and step.

Take time to read over the Form 14 as you MUST file this with the court before any family court will hear your case.