What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Georgia
My 11 year marriage dissolved in the midst of domestic violence. I am moving toward finalizing my divorce. In my temporary divorce decree, I have sole physical and legal custody of our minor children ages 4 and 6. Visitation is not an issue at this moment, given my husband’s incarceration for the last incident of DV, but he will be out in August. I have a TPO that covers me and currently the children, but my attorney advices the divorce decree will ultimately cover the kids.
My attorney has visited with my husband in jail to ask him for his desire with regards to visitation. This visit turned into a very expensive counseling session for him, at my expense. Normally, mediation is required in GA, but incarceration seems to be trumping that. So, I seem to be holding all the cards. The joker would be that I don’t have any idea what is the right hand to play.
Pre-sentencing, the DA had asked my desire for sentencing and I requested some mental health treatment be part of sentencing. This was written into his plea deal where acceptance into a mental health treatment facility would suspend his jail sentence. I am told however by his friends that no mental health facility will go to jail to evaluate, and unless the jail actually calls for him to be evaluated, the mental health treatment option is nothing more than window dressing. It appears he will stay in jail until August. I am scared that he will get out furious at me and suicidal, but that is speculation.
What to do? While all the above is bad, very bad, Dad kept it together with the kids and the kids are very bonded with Dad. Dad was an involved parent. Dad attended dance class, played ball, went on walks, helped look for bugs, was the tickle monster, etc. He was good with the kids. On the flip side, Dad liked to threaten me to the likes of “you might have an accident and die and I will have my cake and eat it too” and along the lines of “if you ever leave me, expect never to see your kids again.” He is very capable of violence. I want to do the “right” thing morally for both kids and ex. I am too close to the situation and can’t figure out what that is exactly.
Do I offer up (supervised) visitation because the kids love him? Do I write his visitation so that seeking some mental health treatment is a condition for (supervised) visitation? He will be attending anger management as a parole condition, but I am not sure that is enough… Do I force him to take initiative and get a lawyer and fight for some visitation once he is more stable? Am I setting myself up for trouble granting visitation? Or vice versa, by not offering it?
I have indicated that some senior members here get harsh. I don’t retract that. But, I think that harsh advice may be the type I need. At my invitation, please tear me to shreds…
My 11 year marriage dissolved in the midst of domestic violence. I am moving toward finalizing my divorce. In my temporary divorce decree, I have sole physical and legal custody of our minor children ages 4 and 6. Visitation is not an issue at this moment, given my husband’s incarceration for the last incident of DV, but he will be out in August. I have a TPO that covers me and currently the children, but my attorney advices the divorce decree will ultimately cover the kids.
My attorney has visited with my husband in jail to ask him for his desire with regards to visitation. This visit turned into a very expensive counseling session for him, at my expense. Normally, mediation is required in GA, but incarceration seems to be trumping that. So, I seem to be holding all the cards. The joker would be that I don’t have any idea what is the right hand to play.
Pre-sentencing, the DA had asked my desire for sentencing and I requested some mental health treatment be part of sentencing. This was written into his plea deal where acceptance into a mental health treatment facility would suspend his jail sentence. I am told however by his friends that no mental health facility will go to jail to evaluate, and unless the jail actually calls for him to be evaluated, the mental health treatment option is nothing more than window dressing. It appears he will stay in jail until August. I am scared that he will get out furious at me and suicidal, but that is speculation.
What to do? While all the above is bad, very bad, Dad kept it together with the kids and the kids are very bonded with Dad. Dad was an involved parent. Dad attended dance class, played ball, went on walks, helped look for bugs, was the tickle monster, etc. He was good with the kids. On the flip side, Dad liked to threaten me to the likes of “you might have an accident and die and I will have my cake and eat it too” and along the lines of “if you ever leave me, expect never to see your kids again.” He is very capable of violence. I want to do the “right” thing morally for both kids and ex. I am too close to the situation and can’t figure out what that is exactly.
Do I offer up (supervised) visitation because the kids love him? Do I write his visitation so that seeking some mental health treatment is a condition for (supervised) visitation? He will be attending anger management as a parole condition, but I am not sure that is enough… Do I force him to take initiative and get a lawyer and fight for some visitation once he is more stable? Am I setting myself up for trouble granting visitation? Or vice versa, by not offering it?
I have indicated that some senior members here get harsh. I don’t retract that. But, I think that harsh advice may be the type I need. At my invitation, please tear me to shreds…
. I'd rather tick off the Pope than to tick off stealth
I tell you, if the bolded above weren't there... I might get ONE right for once!