Child support question

[MindyT]

What is the name of your state? FL
I just have a question; if you are the CP and will be beginning a child support case, when it goes to court can you sortof agree on an amount, like a lower amount, and DOR go along with it if both parties are in agreement? I've heard of that happening on occasion; I was just curious of anyone has any input. I haven't been down that avenue yet in my own situation but a girl I know is going through this right now.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

It is in the child's best interest to get the amount of C/S due. This is often a tactic of futhering domestic abuse to coerce the other parent into accepting less than what the court orders, it is enabling and continuing the same dysfunction that tore the family apart. There might be some cases there might be reason for this, or a modification but it should still be decided by an impartial party.

How did the weekend go? Are you ready for court?

 

[nextwife]

I know a couple who chose to do this because the child was going to be with the NCP about 40% of the time and the guidelines do not take that into account. The difference allowed the NCP to afford to reside in a better neighborhood, as he was allowing her to keep the house and most furnishings. There was no control or coersion. She just wanted her kid to be in a safer and closer neighborhood when with the NCP, and she knew he had to pretty much start over and she didn't.

 

[VeronicaGia]

It is in the child's best interest to get the amount of C/S due. This is often a tactic of futhering domestic abuse to coerce the other parent into accepting less than what the court orders, it is enabling and continuing the same dysfunction that tore the family apart. There might be some cases there might be reason for this, or a modification but it should still be decided by an impartial party.

How did the weekend go? Are you ready for court?

Where did you find this information, the NOW website? Or the singlemomz board? Please show me proof that this is a "tactic of furthering domestic abuse to coerce the other parent."

Believe it or not, some parents are mature adults and realize that they and the children all have to have something to live on. It is not in a child's best interest to have the parents fighting all the time, especially about money.

 

[MindyT]

Thank you VG.....and the reason I asked is because the parent that will be paying support only brings home a minimal income and also pays support on 2 other cases, 2 other kids; and I feel they shouldn't have to live on nothing in order to pay support IF both parties can agree like adults, like VG said, on a lower amount. The other parent would still be contributing, just possibly a lower amount that would fit both parents' needs and situations. It may even come to that with my husband and me when it goes that far. And no, I am NOT ready for court..... ......he is facing jail time and I hate to think of it coming to that. i don't think he is a vicious criminal, he just needs help with issues he has, and there ARE feelings involved still, naturally after 9 years; I'm very nervous and scared, that's all. Thanks for asking; and no more problems out of him lately, thank goodness.

 

[jsumpter]

Yes you can agree on a lower amount but the judge still has to approve it and usually wants reasons as to why you are doing this. My ex and I did that when we got divorced. I wouldn't advise it though. He sort of badgered me into the agreement and I regretted it afterwards. His support would have been around $650 according to the court system and I agreed on $400. I guess I felt sorry for him in the beginning. Three years later, I filed a motion to have his support increased. He now pays $795. He has a good paying job and he should contribute more. I don't feel bad for him either. He gets ample visitation with our 2 children and I have never denied him that and never will. However, he is a very controlling, coniving and manipulative person who has always put the children in the middle of this situation. He has continually harrassed me and badgered the kids from day #1 after our divorce was final. He tricked me into thinking that we would be friends and he would help me out, etc., blah, blah, blah... all part of his plan to get what he wanted in the divorce. Then as soon as it was over, it was like, "I never said any of that". Be careful and make sure you know what you are doing before you agree to anything. It's best to let the court decide in my opinion.

jsumpter

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Yes you can agree on a lower amount but the judge still has to approve it and usually wants reasons as to why you are doing this. My ex and I did that when we got divorced. I wouldn't advise it though. He sort of badgered me into the agreement and I regretted it afterwards. His support would have been around $650 according to the court system and I agreed on $400. I guess I felt sorry for him in the beginning. Three years later, I filed a motion to have his support increased. He now pays $795. He has a good paying job and he should contribute more. I don't feel bad for him either. He gets ample visitation with our 2 children and I have never denied him that and never will. However, he is a very controlling, coniving and manipulative person who has always put the children in the middle of this situation. He has continually harrassed me and badgered the kids from day #1 after our divorce was final. He tricked me into thinking that we would be friends and he would help me out, etc., blah, blah, blah... all part of his plan to get what he wanted in the divorce. Then as soon as it was over, it was like, "I never said any of that". Be careful and make sure you know what you are doing before you agree to anything. It's best to let the court decide in my opinion.

jsumpter

See this is what can happen and why it usually isn't in a child's best interest and why the decision should be considered by a judge because if and or when a problems arises it can take years to resolve and create more anamosity. Negotions re CS are done when you are very vunerable.

 

[haiku]

give me a break, when people are NORMAL, and both ar ewilling to support thier kid, and the negotiation is reasonable, the judge will usually go for it.

my husband did it with his, my ex did it with his ex, and I have a friend who did it with her ex.

No body was abused, and the kids benfitted from parents who were not putting one in the poor house. And in all cases these were involved dads, who paid for stuff over and above support too, anyway.

Child support is not a "fine" for bad behaviour, it is to take care of the kids, and you can't get blood from a stone.

I am not excusing people who don't pay by any means, NOT paying is another story. but if you are talking about initial negotiations,if you know 'he" can pay 500, but 800 will be stretch, and you know from your former lifestyle it is good, go for it.

Other than that, 800 dollars on paper, sounds good but thats about it.

child support never survives the agreement anyway, and is always open to change when finances go up or down, thats why you get a court order.

 

[MindyT]

Thank you haiku, that's exactly how I see it. This girl is trying to be fair to her ex-boyfriend but at the same time get assistance from him rasing their kids. Child support doesn't have to be about getting every penny you can possibly get from the other parent, like so many CP's make it to be. And what's even sadder is that courts allow this, blindly using the excuse "It's all about the kids." I understand that, but, as you say, if the means are not there then they are not there.