Clarification Please?

[DawnPlusTwo]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma.


When my attorney and I filed our response to Dad's petition for custody/visitation, my attorney told me we should ask for Full legal and physical custody. Dad agreed to that.

However I am concerned about the order, it states:

4.That both parents are fit and proper persons to exercise the sole and exclusive care, custody and control of the minor child and it is in the best interest of the minor child for the Court to award the sole custody of the minor child to the Defendant (Me) subject to reasonable visitation of the Plaintiff

Okay, that part makes sense. Then under the heading of CUSTODY AND VISITATION, it states:

ORDERS, ADJUDGES AND DECREES that the Defendant (Me) is hereby awarded the sole and exclusive care, custody, and control of the minor child (Son) subject to the visitation of the Plaintiff, (Dad) set out below.

Again, Makes sense. Now the part that confuses me:

ORDERS, ADJUDGES, AND DECREES that the parties shall each make reasonable day to day decisions for the minor child while in that party's care and shall consult with each other regarding any major decisions, including major health issues and emergencies.

I have absolutely NO problems consulting with Dad about anything at all. However, when he works, I am not able to get ahold of him for days at a time because he is in locations that have no cell phone reception. Basically, I want to make sure that I can make a medical decision if necessary, if I am unable to contact him.

Also, if something comes up that we disagree on- Who makes the final decision?

And lastly, Dad told me yesterday that his attorney got the final papers typed up. He said when he went to sign them, that his attorney had typed them up reversed. Stating that he is the CP and I am granted the graduated visitation schedule, and that I must pay him child support and arrearages. He said he told her to fix them, however, I am worried that this may become problematic in the future. I'm a worry wart, I suppose.

Thank you very much for all the help you folks have provided thus far! You have no idea how appreciative I am!

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Oklahoma.


When my attorney and I filed our response to Dad's petition for custody/visitation, my attorney told me we should ask for Full legal and physical custody. Dad agreed to that.

However I am concerned about the order, it states:


Okay, that part makes sense. Then under the heading of CUSTODY AND VISITATION, it states:


Again, Makes sense. Now the part that confuses me:


I have absolutely NO problems consulting with Dad about anything at all. However, when he works, I am not able to get ahold of him for days at a time because he is in locations that have no cell phone reception. Basically, I want to make sure that I can make a medical decision if necessary, if I am unable to contact him.

Also, if something comes up that we disagree on- Who makes the final decision?

And lastly, Dad told me yesterday that his attorney got the final papers typed up. He said when he went to sign them, that his attorney had typed them up reversed. Stating that he is the CP and I am granted the graduated visitation schedule, and that I must pay him child support and arrearages. He said he told her to fix them, however, I am worried that this may become problematic in the future. I'm a worry wart, I suppose.

Thank you very much for all the help you folks have provided thus far! You have no idea how appreciative I am!

Well, that paragraph regarding the medical issues does somewhat contradict you having sole custody. However, as long as you make a good faith effort to reach dad if major medical issues arise, I believe that you should be ok. It doesn't say that you have to agree with each other, it says that you have to consult each other.

Also, do not sign the agreement unless you have read it over with a fine tooth comb and are certain that it states exactly what it is supposed to state. Pay particular attention to "plaintiff" and "defendent". If anything is even slightly wrong, don't sign until its fixed and you have gone back over it with a fine tooth comb.

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

Thank you Ldij.

When I asked my attorney what the last quote I posted meant, she just said that Dad has to ask me before he can make medical decisions. Again, doesn't make sense to me, a laywoman.

Well, that paragraph regarding the medical issues does somewhat contradict you having sole custody. However, as long as you make a good faith effort to reach dad if major medical issues arise, I believe that you should be ok. It doesn't say that you have to agree with each other, it says that you have to consult each other.

Ok, that makes sense.
One issue I am particularly concerned about is vaccinations. Dad does NOT want Son to have anymore, and I do. I have done extensive reseach, and in my personal (and our son's pediatrician's) opinion, the benefits far exceed the risks for Autism. That is Dad's worry, that these vaccines will turn son into a "tard" (his own words) and he's not okay with that. I printed out basically an entire book for him to read about risks of not receiving the vaccines, and he refused it. The pediatrician also talked to him about it, and afterward he told me she doesn't know what she's talking about.

What happens in this scenario? I want something, he does not. Up to this point, our son has had all his vaccinations on schedule.

Also, do not sign the agreement unless you have read it over with a fine tooth comb and are certain that it states exactly what it is supposed to state. Pay particular attention to "plaintiff" and "defendent". If anything is even slightly wrong, don't sign until its fixed and you have gone back over it with a fine tooth comb.

Ok, I'm glad now that I posted that question. I was ASSuming that his attorney would send it directly to the judge for signing and I would just be sent a copy of the final. I was unaware that I would have a chance to read over it and object to any discrepancies between that and the terms we agreed to.
Thanks very much!

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

Also, just wanted to point out, that in my original post I said WE a few times. I was meaning my attorney and I. Not a boyfriend/fiance/husband/bedwarmer/legal stranger.

 

[Silverplum]

Ok, I'm glad now that I posted that question. I was ASSuming that his attorney would send it directly to the judge for signing and I would just be sent a copy of the final. I was unaware that I would have a chance to read over it and object to any discrepancies between that and the terms we agreed to.
Thanks very much!

I wouldn't ASSume the other way, either. I saw a thread here just the other day, in which one parent never saw the order till s/he received a signed-by-the-judge copy. The advisors here, IIRC, gave the poster little/no hope of changing it to what was actually agreed.

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

I wouldn't ASSume the other way, either. I saw a thread here just the other day, in which one parent never saw the order till s/he received a signed-by-the-judge copy. The advisors here, IIRC, gave the poster little/no hope of changing it to what was actually agreed.

That's actually the thread where my assumption came from. Now I feel lost again. I guess I wait to see what the final says?

 

[LdiJ]

That's actually the thread where my assumption came from. Now I feel lost again. I guess I wait to see what the final says?

Bring your concerns up to your own attorney. Point out to your attorney that his attorney wrote the order backwards, and that you don't want it going to the judge unless its carefully reviewed to make sure that all inconsistancies are corrected.

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

Bring your concerns up to your own attorney. Point out to your attorney that his attorney wrote the order backwards, and that you don't want it going to the judge unless its carefully reviewed to make sure that all inconsistancies are corrected.

Will do. I am actually going to give her a large chunk of my life savings p) today, so I will let her know what is going on with that.
Dad fibs sometimes, I worry that he fibbed to gauge my reaction, and I will look like a fool. But, I would rather look like the fool then be completely blind-sided on something important.
Thank you again.

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

Well my life savings is gone
I left a note with her secretary(?) about the funny business with the final order. I also sent an email, as that is her preferred method of communication. Hopefully it was an honest mistake.

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

Update

Hi everyone!
My atty called me this afternoon to go in and sign the papers.
When I got to her office, she wasn't available, so the secretary handed me the papers to read over before I signed. I sat there for a good 20 minutes making sure everything was correct.
It took a while because everything was worded as Petitioner/Respondent, rather than Peititioner(dad's name)/Respondent (my name), as all the other papers I had seen were done.
But alas, the final paperwork should be filed soon.

It's definitely a relief. Now if I could just get dad to stop trying to threaten me when something doesn't go his way, we would be on easy street.

 

[wileybunch]

So by "papers", you mean the order?
And, so was the confusing language changed?

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

So by "papers", you mean the order?
And, so was the confusing language changed?

Yes, Papers mean the final order
The mistakes were corrected.

My attorney said she knew there was mistakes before she even received it for signing because she had "the court minute" (I have NO clue what that is) and had a call into his attorney.
The original wording was that I was the one petitioning and dad was respondent. And that was backwards.

Thank you all!

Oh, if anyone can give any advice about the vaccination dilema (post #3) I would MUCH appreciate it!

 

[Isis1]

Yes, Papers mean the final order
The mistakes were corrected.

My attorney said she knew there was mistakes before she even received it for signing because she had "the court minute" (I have NO clue what that is) and had a call into his attorney.
The original wording was that I was the one petitioning and dad was respondent. And that was backwards.

Thank you all!

Oh, if anyone can give any advice about the vaccination dilema (post #3) I would MUCH appreciate it!

since public school won't take a child unless they are completely vaccinated.....you may be able to get a court order allowing you. doing it anyway, may cause dad to file for contempt, but i'm not sure how a judge would proceed with that. unless dad commits to paying for a private tutor for the child's entire educational life to high school....i can't see dad prevailing.

and by the way, the minute order is the court clerk's "notes" of what transpired that day at the hearing.

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

since public school won't take a child unless they are completely vaccinated.....you may be able to get a court order allowing you. doing it anyway, may cause dad to file for contempt, but i'm not sure how a judge would proceed with that. unless dad commits to paying for a private tutor for the child's entire educational life to high school....i can't see dad prevailing.

and by the way, the minute order is the court clerk's "notes" of what transpired that day at the hearing.

Thank you Isabella!

As for the minute order.. It's confusing. At the hearing, the only thing that was discussed was how child support would be handled. (Unless something happened after Dad and I left )
But, it really doesn't matter too awful much now. We've both signed the corrected order and just waiting on the judge to sign.

I think this is my favorite forum now. I feel like I've learned a lot.

 

[DawnPlusTwo]

Probably not a LEGAL question...

Hi again everyone,

Things have taken a bad turn in the last 2 weeks or so.

Dad is taking son on his own now for 2 hour visits.



The problem is, when he has our son, he is doing things that aren't appropriate for a 10 month old. He feeds him MEGA junk food (Three Muskateers Bars, Oatmeal cream cookies, chocolate chip cookies, oreos). He was returned with Hawaiin Punch in his bottle one day.Chocolate COW'S milk just this last Sunday. He allows son to eat solid foods in the car (Hello choking hazard). We both discussed and agreed to extended rear facing, and son is now forward facing in his dad's vehicle.

I send everything our son needs for every visit. (Diapers, wipes, clothes, formula, baby food, etc..) Instead of using the Pampers I send, dad puts him in cheap walmart brand diapers that give son super diaper rash. Son is always returned in filthy clothes and his legs are covered in dirt(I always send 2extra sets of clothes) After every visit son is either vomiting or has diarrhea. (I can only suspect that this is because of all the poor food choices.)

I'm NOT trying to be some control freak, but perhaps it comes off that way?
When I try to talk to Dad about son being sick after every single visit, he blames HIS dad, saying he just feeds him whatever. Son is suffering because of this.

Is there anything to be done? I realize a lot of this is probably considered a parenting decision, but shouldn't he be acting in our son's best interest? Son having diarrhea and vomiting twice a week is not a good thing.