Clarifying notice of medical issues

[basylica]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

My ex lives in his own special brand of logic - so i'm pretty sure i'm in the right, but I wanted to see if there could be improvements made on my side or just agreement on my end of things for my own sanity

My ex sent me a nastygram the other day because I was upset about something.
Ex took older son to dentist in july and never told me. Was informed son had cavity, never told me.
Hadn't addressed the issue. son complained tooth hurt and I asked (yet again, this is why I hadn't taken him in awhile....long story) about which dentist ex was willing to "approve" for me to take son to. He finally informed me about 3 weeks ago that he had indeed taken son to dentist and there was a cavity.
I immediately took him in and had it addressed.

His response to my "you NEED to keep me informed of any and all issues, I am the PCP" email was to argue that my kids were on antibiotic for 2 days before I had emailed him to let him know we ALL had strep and the kids were on antibiotics and give son #1 X dose and son #2 X dose.

Am I crazy? or does notifying him the kids are on antibiotics before they visit his home suffice and him not telling me he took the kids to dentist at all, nor fact he knew of cavity and ignored the issue something entirely different??

Sometimes when you deal with someone who has their own logic...you start to doubt yours!

 

[ecmst12]

You should have just taken him to the dentist of your choosing. You just need to inform him that you're taking him to X doctor on X date and he's welcome to attend if he wants. Or if he has a history of interfering like cancelling appointments he doesn't agree with, you could tell him about the appointment but not the doctor. IMO, you're both acting kind of childish. There's no reason you couldn't have told him about the sick visit on the day it happened, but there's also no reason for him to make a big deal about it.

 

[basylica]

The long story on the dentist deal was ex changed insurance and gave dentist card between initial visit and 2nd visit (cavity) and never told ME.
when dentist told me less would be covered due to ins changed I said no biggie and paid my half of what wasn't covered.

Ex refused to pay his half. And since his insurance sends the policyholder a check instead of the dentist, he pocketed and profited by 400 bucks.
He has been claiming for some time he shouldn't have to pay because the dentist was "out of network"
however his dental insurance doesn't have an in/out network deal, just pays a flat fee type deal.

So I've been trying to play by the rules and ask him if he has concerns about dentist being covered, please give me a list of 3-4 dentists in my area and i'd be happy to take them there.
He refuses, feins innocence, etc. last email from him was "you haven't gotten a list because you didn't ask for one" (and thats it) and then when I told him kids were sick so he couldnt' take them (this is during the conversation when he finally told me) I said "please give me the dentists contact info and i'll call and reschedule ASAP" - he refused and rescheduled for after xmas because "it was the first time they had an opening that worked with my visitation"

(which, because of this power play i've decided enough is enough and put the kids under my insurance during open enrollment this year and to heck with his drama)

I didn't tell him kids were sick because I literally spent 48hrs taking sick kids and myself back and forth. First little one nearly passed out in school, I left work and took him to doc. next morning I felt awful (and i'm REALLY prone to strep) so I was hurridly trying to schedule something for myself and decided that if both of us were sick, I needed to take older son who was feeling fine at the time in too. got him from school and took him into doc. Finally got us all meds. I emailed him the next day (which was a day before his single overnight visit).

I call him whenever my son has appt with his ADD doc and give him update. I email him whenever the kids have their yearly checkup with stats and all that, I called him when my son was really sick and it was looking like he might have to be put into hospital (he did) and kept him updated every 45-60min or so.

What bothers me is that with strep I knew there was an issue and addressed it and informed him directly after.
Ex knew there was a cavity, ignored issue, and ignored me asking to handle issue. If he had taken kids to dentist and had sons cavity addressed and told me AFTER, I wouldn't have been upset. What upsets me is that the cavity had gone on so long (baby teeth progress much quicker) that dentist was concerned he might have to do a root canal on an 8yr old!
luckily he did not. but I would have handled it (and did) as soon as I knew.

 

[basylica]

Oh, and ex has a history of this type of stuff. He took my little guy in for vaccinations when he was like 3(ish) and STILL has not informed me of this. Luckily older son told me his brother got a shot, and I called my ped and ex had taken them to him. So thankfully I KNEW and it was recorded, but I could have easily double vaccinated him without knowing.

it's been over 3 years and he still has never "informed" me. *sigh*

 

[Zigner]

Oh, and ex has a history of this type of stuff. He took my little guy in for vaccinations when he was like 3(ish) and STILL has not informed me of this. Luckily older son told me his brother got a shot, and I called my ped and ex had taken them to him. So thankfully I KNEW and it was recorded, but I could have easily double vaccinated him without knowing.

it's been over 3 years and he still has never "informed" me. *sigh*

He took kiddo to kiddo's doctor for the immunization? The nerve...

ETA: He doesn't need to tell inform you because you already know...

 

[Silverplum]

He took kiddo to kiddo's doctor for the immunization? The nerve...

ETA: He doesn't need to tell inform you because you already know...

I don't think this thread is for anything but venting. There are no real actionable issues, IMO.

 

[Ohiogal]

Oh, and ex has a history of this type of stuff. He took my little guy in for vaccinations when he was like 3(ish) and STILL has not informed me of this. Luckily older son told me his brother got a shot, and I called my ped and ex had taken them to him. So thankfully I KNEW and it was recorded, but I could have easily double vaccinated him without knowing.

it's been over 3 years and he still has never "informed" me. *sigh*

Seriously? GROW UP! Both of you grow up. You are full of excuses and his behavior is not any better. No really -- GROW UP. If you want him to do something, then lead by example. BE the BIGGER person. The more mature person. The one who does it by the book. Not the one who doesn't think the rules apply because they were busy doing something else and they don't have to tell him anything because he is a big doody head.

 

[LdiJ]

He took kiddo to kiddo's doctor for the immunization? The nerve...

ETA: He doesn't need to tell inform you because you already know...

I don't get this and I don't get why so many people "like" it.

I understand the snarkiness and why, of the first sentence, but I happen to agree that getting a child immunized without informing the other parent is a recipe for potentially serious problems...so yeah, any parent, mother or father, primary residental or ncp has a lot of "nerve" doing something like that.

I don't "get" the second sentence. She already knows because the other child mentioned it and she was able to verify it with the doctor. That somehow excuses dad's behavior? My ex would never have done something like that at all. He would have called me to make sure that immunizations didn't get doubled up.

 

[ecmst12]

Double vax would only be a possibility if dad had taken him to a different doc than the one mom takes them to. At the same doctor's office, they will have records which will prevent double dosing.

 

[Zigner]

I don't get this and I don't get why so many people "like" it.

I understand the snarkiness and why, of the first sentence, but I happen to agree that getting a child immunized without informing the other parent is a recipe for potentially serious problems...so yeah, any parent, mother or father, primary residental or ncp has a lot of "nerve" doing something like that.

I don't "get" the second sentence. She already knows because the other child mentioned it and she was able to verify it with the doctor. That somehow excuses dad's behavior? My ex would never have done something like that at all. He would have called me to make sure that immunizations didn't get doubled up.

Dad knows that mom knows because dad knows that kiddo told her. Dad could also have followed up with the doc to make sure.

I suspect that mom and dad don't get along so dad is avoiding confrontation.

 

[basylica]

I don't get this and I don't get why so many people "like" it.

I understand the snarkiness and why, of the first sentence, but I happen to agree that getting a child immunized without informing the other parent is a recipe for potentially serious problems...so yeah, any parent, mother or father, primary residental or ncp has a lot of "nerve" doing something like that.

I don't "get" the second sentence. She already knows because the other child mentioned it and she was able to verify it with the doctor. That somehow excuses dad's behavior? My ex would never have done something like that at all. He would have called me to make sure that immunizations didn't get doubled up.

That is my issue with the situation exactally. I have NO problems with him wanting to do this stuff. Take kids to doc, take kids to dentists, etc.
Heck, parent teacher meetings too....but he does them sporadically at best (he didn't attend any P2T meeting until last one last year, so he missed all of k, 1st, and most of 2nd)
Same with vax. He'd NEVER taken one of the kids to a wellkid visit, even when we were still married. He left me voicemessages saying one of the kids had an ear infection and was running fever and complaining ear hurt all weekend but he dosed them with motrin and sent them to daycare anyway....
He only does this stuff to "prove" he's a better parent, or something like that. I'm still not sure.

So I had no reason to expect he EVER would. To this date he hasn't taken them in again.
I've informed him everytime I've taken kids in and what vaxes they got. Thats my worry, that if he hadn't taken them to same ped, something bad might have happened.
my concern is 100% for the kids.

Same thing with dentist. He's NEVER taken them, ignored all my pleas about signing off on one via email (since we had the above issues) so he didn't profit on dental visits again....
and in my eyes, if my son had lets say broke his arm and I took him to ER and doc told me his arm was broken, but I just left and ignored broken arm....I would be (rightfully) abusing my child and should be in big big trouble for that.

Knowing my kid had a cavity in early july and choosing not to address it, and not informing me of it so I could address it.....and refusing to allow me to reschedule his appt (due to illness) within a reasonable time and instead choosing to reschedule over FIVE months after knowing he had a cavity is causing my child harm.
Esp when he only told me after my son complained his tooth hurt.

I have *NO* desires to play games, and I absolutely do my best to keep my ex informed. He doesn't even respond to 99% of my emails and ignores voicemails and phonecalls most of the time anyway - so I never am sure if he gets the info or not.
I just want to make sure I can take care of my kids and NOT allow them to suffer when sick/injured/etc.
nor do I want to cause them any harm (such as double vax)

I wanted validation that informing him of the kids being sick PRIOR to his visit where he'd have to give them meds is nowhere near finding out my son had cavity and ignoring it.
I guess i'm being childish and playing nah nah doo doo head in everyones eyes. Ok then.

Thanks ldij for making me feel a little less crappy today

 

[basylica]

Dad knows that mom knows because dad knows that kiddo told her. Dad could also have followed up with the doc to make sure.

I suspect that mom and dad don't get along so dad is avoiding confrontation.

Kiddos were 3 and 6. I didn't 100% trust what they told me until I asked my ped. I wouldn't exactally call a child in diapers reasonable sources of information.

mom gets along fine. Dad has chased me down infront of the kids and thrown me against wall and caused concussions. Dad avoids telling me anything, and instead likes to take me to court over piddly things. I think current total for legal bills between two of us is getting close to six figures.

I would love nothing more than a GOOD relationship with their father. I would love to invite him to kids school things, music stuff....etc. I would love to be able to have open lines of communication with him. I envy those who do.
Dad wants to tell the kids how I "steal" all of his money, and how i'm living in his house, and how i'm *bad words*. so yes, it's a very bad relationship and doing stuff like this makes it REALLY hard to remain civil. He knows he can get away with treating me like dirt because I will continue to choose what is best for the kids.
*I* call him on every holiday that I have custody of the kids and make sure he can say hi and talk to them. I make sure to have them in a private room (like when I was at my family's for xmas) so he can actually talk with him.
he ignores my calls and pretends his phone doesn't work and I won't get to talk to my kids for WEEKS at a time.
kids come back and ask me why I didn't call them. I get stuck with explaining without making their dad seem like a jerk, which I try and do.

I lived through a drama filled divorce and I do not want that for my kids.