Concerned mom

[ICUB4ER]

I live in Kansas, stbx and I are still operating on the temp order that gives him reasonable visitation. He was taking the girls(10 & 13) EOW. But, he hasn't had any contact with them since December 29th. When the girls returned from that visit, they were behaving far worse than they normally do when they come back home.
Finally after 3 days and them talking to their school counselors and our(mine and the girls)family counselor, they said that stbx's girlfriends 14 yr old son has been constantly inappropriatly "grabbing and feeling" our 10 yr olds bottom, and that the girlfriend had "grabbed and pinched" our 13 yr olds breasts on more than one occasion.
Our 10 yr old said that she had been hitting the 14 yr old and telling him to stop touching her, but that dad and girlfriend "yell" at her and tell her that he is only playing and to stop being such a whiney brat. Our 13 yr old said that she has never said anything to the girlfriend or even told her to stop touching her.
Our family therapist and myself both filed reports on the touching, and I "think" that dad is mad about the report and that is why he hasn't contacted the kids since then. I haven't heard anything from the agency regarding the report, and it was filed on January 3rd.
My question is, stbx emailed me today and stated that he wanted both girls this weekend, and only the 10 yr old next weekend(even though it's not his weekend). I am extremely concerned about making them go with him given the inappropriate touching and his failure to protect the girls put a stop to it when complained to.
Stbx's girlfriend has lost custody of all four of her kids to two different husbands because she was proven unfit by the court. She just happens to have her kids for visitation on the same days my stbx has our girls. What do I do now? Do I make them go?

 

[ceara19]

You are under no obligation to make them go if it is not his scheduled weekend. As for his regular CO'd visitation, if you deny him access to the children, technically, you are in contempt and dad can file charges with the court. If you have never been in violation of the orders in the past, combined with the fact that there is an open investigation concerning what happened last time the girls were there, you would have a good chance at getting off with no more than a slap on the wrist if he did haul you back to court. There is still the chance though that the punishment could be more severe. It is more of a judgement call on your part for now. You need to go back to court and have the visitation modified to supervised only until the abuse case has been fully investigated.

 

[haiku]

you need to go back to court to have visitation modified until the outcome of the investigation.

 

[ICUB4ER]

The only visitation that is ordered is "reasonable visitation". My attorney defined that as being EOW and one evening throughout the week.
I am seriously questioning why stbx would request to have only one of the children on a weekend that isn't his as far as the way we have been working things.
I "think" that he only wants our 10 yr old so he and girlfriend can "bully" her into recanting her accusations. He won't tell me why he only wants our 10 yr old, and our 13 yr old is heartbroken that her dad doesn't want her for that weekend along with her sister.
He has made a habit of promising the girls that he will come and get them, then not showing up or even calling.
As I stated before, he hasn't seen the girls since December 29th, and here is is February 1st.
I just don't want to give him any ammo to use against me when we go to settle on the 28th.
Also, would it be possible to get a restraining order against the girlfriend and her son to keep them away from our daughters, at least until the investigation is complete?

 

[MrsK]

Well, since there is a report...

Have you thought about getting an atty (or if you have one already) & getting him to file some emergency order to keep the kids away from dad's house until this is all straightened out?

And, it may be possible to get restraining order for the girlfriend and her son.

You really need an atty in this situation.

I would be very uncomfortable and very leary of sending my children to that household BUT if you do not get some type of order from the court to be able to keep them out of there, you technically will be in contempt.

 

[ceara19]

The only visitation that is ordered is "reasonable visitation".[/QUOTE]

That is a VERY important piece of information! You are not obligated to allow the children to leave with dad AT ALL. It would not be considered unreasonable to only allow supervised visits with ONLY dad, until the criminal matter is cleared up. If dad feels as though it is NOT reasonable, let HIM put up the legal fees to take the matter to court. As long as you are at least offering dad the chance to visit with the kids, even if it is only at your home or in public, you are not violating the CO. With the allegations being investigated right now, if you allow the children back into that home and the accusations are proven, you could get yourself into legal trouble for letting them go. There is no CO stating that you MUST give him the children on any particular date. Sending them to that house could be view as negligent on your part, if any further "issues" were to come up.

 

[LdiJ]

The only visitation that is ordered is "reasonable visitation".[/QUOTE]

That is a VERY important piece of information! You are not obligated to allow the children to leave with dad AT ALL. It would not be considered unreasonable to only allow supervised visits with ONLY dad, until the criminal matter is cleared up. If dad feels as though it is NOT reasonable, let HIM put up the legal fees to take the matter to court. As long as you are at least offering dad the chance to visit with the kids, even if it is only at your home or in public, you are not violating the CO. With the allegations being investigated right now, if you allow the children back into that home and the accusations are proven, you could get yourself into legal trouble for letting them go. There is no CO stating that you MUST give him the children on any particular date. Sending them to that house could be view as negligent on your part, if any further "issues" were to come up.

I agree. Allow dad to see the kids in your home, under your supervision until the investigation is complete. Don't give dad the opportunity to bully either child into recanting.