CP Back to Her Old Tricks

[jeanine]

What is the name of your state? NY

This weekend was NCP's weekend (not the Monday holiday though). When NCP went to pick up child, he said he didn't want to go. He just turned 10. CP does nothing to coax child and actually encourages him to be disrespectful to NCP.

This is an ongoing pattern. Every time CP does not get her way with something, child all of a sudden doesn't want to go. NCP missed child's sports activity the previous visitation weekend and CP hammered child about not being there so I guess child is mad b/c he got in trouble with CP when it wasn't his fault. It was NCP's fault and we missed activity due to an emergency which I won't bore anyone with. She was mad b/c she showed up even though we called to say we wouldn't be there.

Last time in court judge said he would change custody in a heart beat b/c CP was playing games.

My question is would judge after ten years reverse custody?

I have located some NY cases i.e. entwistle vs. entwistle where custody was reversed b/c CP denied visitation and was found to not be fostering a healthy relationship between children and NCP. Young vs. young showed mother's hatred towards father was being put before the importance of visitation and court reversed custody b/c she proved herself to be a vindictive nasty woman taking things out on kids relationship with father.

Another question, why does our attorney never mention these cases in court? We're thinking of firing the attorney but don't want to drag this out any longer.

So frustrating. You do the right thing, you are a good parent, pay your child support without bitching and moaning and yet CP can do what he/she likes. I know I'm venting now but if NCP was a piece of crap I could agree with CP but NCP does everything for this child and with her venom-filled words, CP can turn child against NCP in a snap.

 

[stealth2]

So what did NCP do when the kid said he didn't want to go?

 

[jeanine]

Didn't have time to really say anything as child ran back into the house and door was shut immediately. He called police for a report to prove he'd been there but what can you do? Run in and grab him kicking and screaming? It's all very, very sad.

 

[stealth2]

Has he called his lawyer?

 

[jeanine]

Our atty is away - figures right? This isn't something new. For a year CP had child saying he didn't want to go. No real reasons other than she hadn't gotten her away on something. Law guardian knows it's not NCP. Judge told her "i don't want to go" is not a valid reason and it's up to her to get him out to the car for visitation.

We have court on the 13th and we just filed a violation of a court order today for this weekend. Sadly, we're supposed to see him again in two weeks which will be a replay of this weekend I'm sure. We did inform the law guardian via email about what happened. He wanted to see NCP and child on next visitation. Won't that be a hoot when child says he doesn't want to go.

Just so frustrating. Child has such a wonderful time with us and loves his dad so much. CP just can't seem to put aside her bitter feelings towards NCp for sake of child.

 

[Buggaloo80]

Know How U Feel

Hello,
I know exactly what you are going thru!! Being the gf/fiancee and being in the middle is hard but like our lawyer told us, and I am telling you.......As Hard As It Is, Just Let It All Build Up! She told us that after my fiancee's daughter's CP would not let us have her last year for Summer Vacation (even though it is COURT ORDERED) but like you said, what are you supposed to do?? Go get the cops and have them rip the kid out of the house?? Yeah real traumatic!! I mean our lawyer said the CP would start messing up thinking she could ignore the court (like she did). I mean it is amazing the power someone thinks they have just because they keep the child. She would tell us, I don't care what the judge or order says, she's mine and you will get her when I say you can! I mean if I were you I would try and let it build up as much as I possibly could and save up and pay a few hundred bucks to file contempt charges on her for violating the order so many times and remember to KEEP DOCUMENTATION OF EVERYTHING! I mean when we go down to AL we even get a newspaper to prove we were actually there at that date!! Each episode just jot a little summary of what happened and when you get time type it up wih date and time...etc. and file it. Then when she finally does the thing that breaks the camels backs then pull out ALL your stuff and nail her to the wall!! I mean I am so greatful that we did wait instead of filing with the first thing she broke, because now just a little over one year she has ALREADY broken 9 sections of a 16 section court order, and 9 charges and evidence is always better than 1!! Or you can always try and download the necessary paperwork and file your self or your husband could. I mean it is worth a shot if she is really doing all this.........Well I hope your case comes out as good as ours hopefully will!!!! I mean it all boils down to the kids and they are so easily lost in these battles!! Good Luck!!

 

[jeanine]

Thanks! We do document everything and when filed this most recent time there were 3 different infractions (right word?) we listed. Now it will be 5-6. We've been through this before and last time the judge threatened her with jail time, fines and loss of custody. I think she thinks he's bluffing. But then I think so too considering she keeps getting away with this crap.

Geez, even convicts get visitation time with their children albeit supervised. Here the NCP is a fine, upstanding citizen, does everything by the books and still gets taken on these BS rides. Is it so bad to just want to see your child? That's it, end of story. He just wants to see his son. Wishes the CP the best of luck in her life, no hard feelings, nothing. Just wants to see the child. It seems pretty simple to me.

 

[lilsister]

I doubt judge would reverse custody at this point. She'll likely just get another slap on the wrist.

 

[flaurnt]

Suggestion

I feel like I am the NCP you are talking about. I had the same issue with my ex. She would even throw away the things I would buy for my daughter. My daughter was a little younger, 4 or 5, and she would tell her mom she didn't want to go. I finally had enough. The 3rd time my daughter started crying and fussing, I simply picked up her things, took her from her mother, ignoring the mothers objections, and walked to the car. After 2 minutes in the car, my daughter was laughing and singing. Our agreement is every other weekend and I held her to it. No special favors, no early returns, not even for her family parties or events. I had enough. You just have to be tough, and know that the kid is totally influenced by mom. The mom now knows that anything, even 5 minutes, of our time is not to be inturrupted. Good luck.

 

[jeanine]

The same with my stepson. Once he's in the car, he's fine. It's like two different people. One face he shows to the CP and the other, his true self, he shows to us. Or it could be vice versa, who knows.

One time, cops came and father sat outside talking to the child for almost a half hour. Cops said just pick him up. He did and put him in the car and within seconds it was as if nothing happened. It's like he puts on an act for the mother who uses therapy to justify her denial of visitation.

This time he ran into the house too quickly and NCP won't really go on their property because they've lied in the past about him saying or doing something he never did (i was witness).

Why wouldn't a judge change custody? I've seen cases where when visitation is denied consistently, the court finds that parent is interfering too much and switches custody. Some cases I've read say custody goes to the parent most likely to foster a positive relationship between child and NCP. That's a hoot if I ever I heard.

 

[flaurnt]

File file file, and file some more.

I know it might cost some money (most custody cases do), but if you are continually complaining and petitioning the court based on a violation of his rights, they may assign a social worker (you can even request one) to escort the NCP to the house of the CP to insure that proper visitation is allowed. Social workers see this all day, and have no problems working with crying children. I have also seen a case where a social worker was assigned to the CP based on a complaint that the NCP gave stating the CP was hostile and violent towards the NCP, in the prescense of the child. Best you can do is document, videotape, record, ect..... EVERYTHING! This will give hard and fast evidence of the real situation. My wife once taped a pickup for me, and my ex's attitude changed completely. Even though she requested not to be recorded, we still were able to capture a denial of visitation.