Custodial Rights and Decision Making

[stepmom&mom]

What is the name of your state? Oklahoma

Recently, stepdaughter was at our house for 2 weeks for summer vacation. During her visit, she asked if she could get her haircut and her dad said she could. So he asked me to take her in to get it cut. When mom came to pick up daughter, she was furious about the haircut and said that he had no right to cut her hair without asking first. Is this true?

She brought along her boyfriend when she picked up daughter. At the time, my dh was not there, so he came on to my property and threatened my mother and I and yelled at my stepdaughter for getting her haircut. He made her cry and told her she looked like a boy.

How can an unrelated boyfriend get away with that kind of behavior and yet my dh can't even get his daughter's hair cut if she asks for it?

In the end, my dh ended up apologizing to his daughter's mother and promised never to do it again because she threatened to withhold visitation and never allow her to come over again. Personally, I think that she is going way overboard. What I am wondering is if I can file a VPO against this boyfriend so that he is not allowed to come to my home when mom picks up daughter? He causes problems nearly every time and I don't like his threatening behavoir.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Oklahoma

Recently, stepdaughter was at our house for 2 weeks for summer vacation. During her visit, she asked if she could get her haircut and her dad said she could. So he asked me to take her in to get it cut. When mom came to pick up daughter, she was furious about the haircut and said that he had no right to cut her hair without asking first. Is this true?

She brought along her boyfriend when she picked up daughter. At the time, my dh was not there, so he came on to my property and threatened my mother and I and yelled at my stepdaughter for getting her haircut. He made her cry and told her she looked like a boy.

How can an unrelated boyfriend get away with that kind of behavior and yet my dh can't even get his daughter's hair cut if she asks for it?

In the end, my dh ended up apologizing to his daughter's mother and promised never to do it again because she threatened to withhold visitation and never allow her to come over again. Personally, I think that she is going way overboard. What I am wondering is if I can file a VPO against this boyfriend so that he is not allowed to come to my home when mom picks up daughter? He causes problems nearly every time and I don't like his threatening behavoir.

Changing a child's appearance without the permission/agreement of the other parent is generally a big no-no. Its generally something pretty much guaranteed to tick off the other parent. Technically, unless a judge orders otherwise (and I have actually seen some judges order parents not to change a child's appearance without the ok of the other parent) either parent can do what the like with the child's appearance if they have joint legal custody, but its still really a huge no-no.

When the child asked, the wiser move would have been to say "lets call your mom and see what she says".

Of course the boyfriend's behavior was completely out of line. You could go for a restraining order but it might be better to wait and see if its going to become a pattern.

 

[nextwife]

It's still just hair and will grow back. It's not piercing or a tattoo. And BF was way out of line belittling the child's appearance to her and telling her she looked like a boy.

Even of he disliked it, he could have said something positive, like, "Wow, you look so different! Bet that feels nice and cool, not having all that hair on your neck!"

Does mom consult with DAD, before she gives kiddo a haircut to see what HE thinks?

BTW, my kiddo, has very thick wavy hair, and lots of it, and she chose a short, sculpted 'do for her last cut, and it is SO adorable! The added bonus is that is doesn't get tangled and hard to brush. She loves it, and we told her how very smart it looks on her. Short hair does NOT look like a boy! That was very mean of BF.


I agree they should have called mom and given her a heads up that kiddo wanted the cut before proceeding.
Dad certainly has the right to MORE "say" than BF does.

 

[texgirl]

What is the name of your state? Oklahoma

Recently, stepdaughter was at our house for 2 weeks for summer vacation. During her visit, she asked if she could get her haircut and her dad said she could. So he asked me to take her in to get it cut. When mom came to pick up daughter, she was furious about the haircut and said that he had no right to cut her hair without asking first. Is this true?

She brought along her boyfriend when she picked up daughter. At the time, my dh was not there, so he came on to my property and threatened my mother and I and yelled at my stepdaughter for getting her haircut. He made her cry and told her she looked like a boy.

How can an unrelated boyfriend get away with that kind of behavior and yet my dh can't even get his daughter's hair cut if she asks for it?

In the end, my dh ended up apologizing to his daughter's mother and promised never to do it again because she threatened to withhold visitation and never allow her to come over again. Personally, I think that she is going way overboard. What I am wondering is if I can file a VPO against this boyfriend so that he is not allowed to come to my home when mom picks up daughter? He causes problems nearly every time and I don't like his threatening behavoir.

As the CP mom of tween girl, I have to say I'd be pretty upset if a drastic change were made made to my daughter's appearance without consulting me. I've no problem with a minor trim, but a big change or color or anything like that I think requires some consultation. Last summer my daughter's stepmom wanted to take DD to get her ears pierced, something DD knows I object too, so she told SM, no thanks, my mom says I am too young. I can imagine some girls might jump at a chance at getting around a parent in this way.

Of course, the BF was way out of line.