Custody advice

[rm1759]

What is the name of your state?FL


CP is very sick. I have not spoken with her since last tuesday. CP and DD live with CP's mother (grandma). Gma calls me yesterday, saying she needs to speak with myself and my wife about CP. (wife has never been involved in discussing these things in the past). This talk happens tonight.

I have a feeling that BM is either in the hospital in serious condition, or possibly passed on. I know that gma wants custody of DD. She is 8, in 2nd grade. We live about an hour apart. My question is, assuming CP is not at home, do I insist on taking DD home now? I do not want to risk any kind of court battle with gma over custody, it would be best if DD were to grow up with my wife and I. At the same time, if DD just lost her mother, I do not want to cause a big fight, drag her to my house to stay permanently, have to change schools (maybe not right away), that would be so much for a little girl to handle.

Any advice? Will allowing her to stay for a short period with gma cause a possible problem with a custody battle? I would like for DD to have a week or so to begin the healing (with therapy), and then start the transition for her...

EDIT: Oh, and we do have court ordered shared legal custody (BM and I).

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Quit using the damn initials. it only confuses the issue.

As to your pending phone conversation, you need to verify the health or status of your ex.

Also, (as gently as I can) IF your ex is too sick to care for the child or has died, you need to inform granny that you will be picking up your daughter immediately.

 

[rm1759]

Thanks BB (or should I say BelizeBreeze).

Do you believe there will be legal implications if I leave her with grandma even for a day?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Thanks BB (or should I say BelizeBreeze).

Do you believe there will be legal implications if I leave her with grandma even for a day?

Of course there could be. Even without leaving her, the grandparents have established a bond and have a foundation to sue for visitation.

But at this point it's the ex's health and ability to care for the child that is in question. If your ex is in the hospital and unable to care for the child or has died, as heartless as it may seem, your FIRST obligation is to the child.

NOT to the grandparents. Those issues can be dealth with at a later date.

 

[sparky31676]

You Answered it

What is the name of your state?FL


CP is very sick. I have not spoken with her since last tuesday. CP and DD live with CP's mother (grandma). Gma calls me yesterday, saying she needs to speak with myself and my wife about CP. (wife has never been involved in discussing these things in the past). This talk happens tonight.

I have a feeling that BM is either in the hospital in serious condition, or possibly passed on. I know that gma wants custody of DD. She is 8, in 2nd grade. We live about an hour apart. My question is, assuming CP is not at home, do I insist on taking DD home now? I do not want to risk any kind of court battle with gma over custody, it would be best if DD were to grow up with my wife and I. At the same time, if DD just lost her mother, I do not want to cause a big fight, drag her to my house to stay permanently, have to change schools (maybe not right away), that would be so much for a little girl to handle.

Any advice? Will allowing her to stay for a short period with gma cause a possible problem with a custody battle? I would like for DD to have a week or so to begin the healing (with therapy), and then start the transition for her...

EDIT: Oh, and we do have court ordered shared legal custody (BM and I).

I think you know what to do.
You need to make the gradual adjustment for your daughter.
It's only an hour, how about weekends for a month or two.
Maybe weekends until the end of the school year, then for nest year change the school.
Talk to her, she's 8, let her know she can voice her opinion.
I can't answer legally what steps to take, but there may be a way to get an agreement on paper with grandma.
I think you should get the court acknowlegment that mom cannot care for child too.
You become the CP, not grandma, but allow grandma to be a big part of her life.

 

[rm1759]

If grandma is agreeable, then I want to keep daughter in the same school, have grandma watch her after school (she does this currently), then I pick her up after work, and take her home. I would start this next week.

This only works if grandma is agreeable, and supports the child through the transition.

I want to let her spend a day or so with grandma, but I have to weigh the risk of a custody battle and all of the bitterness that would cause, and harm to the child against the harm which would be caused by forcing the issue now. Neither solution is good, and which is better in the long run?

I realize there could be a visitation battle, although I believe in florida, she would have a better chance of winning the custody battle b/c of the established bond. Florida is not a grandparent friendly state.

EDIT: also, I don't think an agreement between grandma and I would do much good. The only thing it would show in court was that I obviously realized there is a strong relationship between grandma and the child.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Wait on all of this until you know the condition of the ex.
There will be time enough after the phone conversation.

 

[rm1759]

I met with gma for over an hour last night. Mom's condition has deteriorated, and there is nothing the doctors can do. I am going up there to tell my daughter after work today. Mom has weeks, possibly a few days left.

Grandma asked me not to cut her out of my daughter's life, and I assured her that there was no way that was going to happen. I did tell her that I would like for my daughter to finish out the year at her current school. I am worried that too much change so fast might be difficult for her. The school is an hour from my house. I would like to let grandma watch her every day after school, and I will pick her up after work to bring her home. Grandma would like for my daughter to live with her during the week, and I could see her on weekends. I did not discuss my position with her, I was just trying to reassure her, and yet not commit to anything.

I may be agreeable to doing the transition over a period of time, maybe adding one weeknight each week until she is with me full time. Are there legal implications to this? I do NOT want a custody battle with grandma, so I do not want there to be any misunderstanding about whom is taking care of my child. Is there any way I can ease my daughter into this without having to worry about a court battle?

 

[sparky31676]

I met with gma for over an hour last night. Mom's condition has deteriorated, and there is nothing the doctors can do. I am going up there to tell my daughter after work today. Mom has weeks, possibly a few days left.

Grandma asked me not to cut her out of my daughter's life, and I assured her that there was no way that was going to happen. I did tell her that I would like for my daughter to finish out the year at her current school. I am worried that too much change so fast might be difficult for her. The school is an hour from my house. I would like to let grandma watch her every day after school, and I will pick her up after work to bring her home. Grandma would like for my daughter to live with her during the week, and I could see her on weekends. I did not discuss my position with her, I was just trying to reassure her, and yet not commit to anything.

I may be agreeable to doing the transition over a period of time, maybe adding one weeknight each week until she is with me full time. Are there legal implications to this? I do NOT want a custody battle with grandma, so I do not want there to be any misunderstanding about whom is taking care of my child. Is there any way I can ease my daughter into this without having to worry about a court battle?

Good Job Dad!
At least it seems grandma understand that you will be the custodial parent if she asked not to be cut out.
I can assume you will have some paper work to do, but all custody will go to you. You don't need an arrangment on paper with grandma, you are allowing this and you set the rules. This is all just personal thoughts.
I'm sorry for the loss your daughter will feel.
You certainly are proposing the best situation for her.