Custody and visitation ?

[starabby]

What is the name of your state? I live in Michigan.
I have a 4 month old baby. I filed for Divorce from her father, becaue of concerns I have regarding internet porn and incest thoughts by him.
We had a custody hearing and the referee at first granted custody to me with visitation to him. But then his attorney threw a fit and accused her of favoritism because she is a women and she changed her mind and gave us joint custody. My attorney had told me that he would do the talking since I do not do well in front of people. But he didnt say anything..or object to anything. My husband was granted every other weekend...and wednesdays over night and monday through friday....from 4 to 8. And on my weekends and i have to work...he gets her while i work. I was also told that i can not claim her on my taxes...because he makes more money.
Does anyone have any advice for me on what to do next. I do not want to keep her from him totally...but i am being told that. This is way too much visitation for a baby her age. How do I get this recomendation to be changed? It is not an order till it is signed by a judge. Am I able to get it changed before it goes to a judge? I have so many questions. And have not been able to talk to my attorney yet. I will be talking to him tomarrow hopefully....Any advice would help alot. Thank you,

 

[stealth2]

Why is it too much time for her to spend with her other parent, regardless of her age? There are fathers who are fulltime parents, just as there are mothers.

I could see the concern with the potential incest issues, but that's something you have to PROVE to the judge - that he is a danger to the child. Can you do that? Or is it hypothetical on your part? I'm betting your lawyer didn't say anything because there was no proof.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? I live in Michigan.
I have a 4 month old baby. I filed for Divorce from her father, becaue of concerns I have regarding internet porn and incest thoughts by him.
We had a custody hearing and the referee at first granted custody to me with visitation to him. But then his attorney threw a fit and accused her of favoritism because she is a women and she changed her mind and gave us joint custody. My attorney had told me that he would do the talking since I do not do well in front of people. But he didnt say anything..or object to anything. My husband was granted every other weekend...and wednesdays over night and monday through friday....from 4 to 8. And on my weekends and i have to work...he gets her while i work. I was also told that i can not claim her on my taxes...because he makes more money.
Does anyone have any advice for me on what to do next. I do not want to keep her from him totally...but i am being told that. This is way too much visitation for a baby her age. How do I get this recomendation to be changed? It is not an order till it is signed by a judge. Am I able to get it changed before it goes to a judge? I have so many questions. And have not been able to talk to my attorney yet. I will be talking to him tomarrow hopefully....Any advice would help alot. Thank you,

Well, I happen to agree that, that is way too much bouncing around for an infant that young. Is the Monday through Friday time with him time that she would normally be in daycare? If so, that is completely correct...however I think that you should definitely appeal the overnights. She is just too young at 4 months.

You will probably get lots of other people advising you that he has just as much rights to overnights as you do, however there is a lot of literature out there that says its not good for infants and can cause attachment disorders.
You might want to do some research on that for your attorney to use with the judge.

However frequent contact with the father, which the Monday - Friday gives, is highly recommended.

 

[starabby]

I can not prove that he goes to these sites. Other then he did admit it to my mom...but said he is getting help for this. He also tried to commit suicide once and threatens all the time. He also goes to counseling for that. So that is on record also. What I am saying is that...I, as her mother and his wife, know what he thinks about and I know he is doing this stuff. So it is so fustrating to know this and not be able to do anything about it. If he was a stable person, I would have no problem at all giving him all the time he wants to spend with her. Just because we can not live togeather as husband and wife. I would not keep my daughter from knowing her father. But knowing what I know..it is so hard to hand her over to him knowing what could happen to her.

And no...the visitation mon through fri....is not because she is at a day care...she is with me. IT is just because that is when he gets out of work everyday.

Thanks for your responses.

 

[stealth2]

Not trying to say what he's doing is right, but trying to give you an idea of what you're up against. So your Mom will say "he said XYZ" and he'll say "I said no such thing." What is the court to do? There's no proof.

He's threatened suicide. And tried it once. How long ago? That may play into the decision a great deal.

Has all of this occured within the last 13 months or so?

 

[starabby]

He tried to commit suicide 2 years ago...and threatend to just this past July when I left.

One thing I am not clear on is what can I do about this referree's decision to first award custody to me...then change her mind after the lawyer accuses her of favoritisum.

And I was told there will be a evaluation of both my husband and I in two months and the judge will decide.

So until then,,,is there nothing I can do to get this changed?
Is it a order...even though I have no papers telling me the times and dates?
What takes place in a appeal?

My thought is to look for better counseling....as my attorney does not seem to be representing me. I didnt even know I could voice my opinion at this hearing. My attorney said he would do most of the talking. So I didnt object to anything for fear I would get in trouble. I waited for him to say something and he didnt. THe most thing he argued was with the other attorney...as to who had to draw up the order.

I have never had to deal with a attorney or anything like this before, so I guess I am pretty nieve.

His Lawyer also told my lawyer that my husband said that I am bi-polar and do not take my medication...and i go to the bar and drink everynight.

I am 23 years old and have had epelipsy since I was 15 months old. I have never even been to a bar and can not drink because of my medication for my epelipsy. I just need some information as to how to fight this accusation. My Dr said he would mail me a paper saying what I have and what my medication is, and that I am not bi-polar. Again..Thank you for your information.

 

[stealth2]

Well, you may find that the suicide attempt isn't going to get you far. He tried to kill himself a good year before you got pregnant, and that didn't stop you from feeling he was decent father material at the time. A judge is going to have trouble agreeing with your argument that it presents a danger.

Generally, in court, you don't get to just jump up and say what you want until and unless the judge asks specifically for you to do so (or you're called as a witness) - that IS what your lawyer is there for. You don't get to voice your opinion on your own.

As for what his attorney is alleging - unless it's in a motion, it doesn't much matter as he can't just bring it up as he pleases. However, it would be good for you to get documentation just in case.

 

[LdiJ]

He tried to commit suicide 2 years ago...and threatend to just this past July when I left.

One thing I am not clear on is what can I do about this referree's decision to first award custody to me...then change her mind after the lawyer accuses her of favoritisum.

And I was told there will be a evaluation of both my husband and I in two months and the judge will decide.

So until then,,,is there nothing I can do to get this changed?
Is it a order...even though I have no papers telling me the times and dates?
What takes place in a appeal?

My thought is to look for better counseling....as my attorney does not seem to be representing me. I didnt even know I could voice my opinion at this hearing. My attorney said he would do most of the talking. So I didnt object to anything for fear I would get in trouble. I waited for him to say something and he didnt. THe most thing he argued was with the other attorney...as to who had to draw up the order.

I have never had to deal with a attorney or anything like this before, so I guess I am pretty nieve.

His Lawyer also told my lawyer that my husband said that I am bi-polar and do not take my medication...and i go to the bar and drink everynight.

I am 23 years old and have had epelipsy since I was 15 months old. I have never even been to a bar and can not drink because of my medication for my epelipsy. I just need some information as to how to fight this accusation. My Dr said he would mail me a paper saying what I have and what my medication is, and that I am not bi-polar. Again..Thank you for your information.

I think that perhaps you may want to consider a different attorney. It doesn't sound like the one that you have is doing his job properly. Get a consult with another attorney to see if there is anything that can be done about this....and do it quickly. Sometimes you have very little time to appeal a referee's decision.

 

[starabby]

"Update"

I was able to talk to my attorney Monday. He said that there is not a order until the judge signs it. And both attorneys need to agree to sign it. And my attorney said no. So they made up a new visitation schedule, until we have a hearing in front of the judge. Which will be in two or three weeks. Until then, his lawyer advised him to take what he can get.

On Sunday when it was my weekend and I had to work from 5:30 until 9:30 he said he wouldnt bring her back by 8. THe referree had told him she needs to be home by 8:00pm because she goes to bed at 8:30. But he refused to bring her back. So I did not give her to him. On Monday his attorney called my attorney complaining of that. And that is when mine gave him the new schedule. Which is Tues, THurs, and Sat...from 4-7 or 5-8 and everyother Friday night at 7 to Sat night at 7. My attorney thinks this is a fair schedule for a 4 month old baby. My husband also everytime he comes here , he threatens me that if I dont give her to him when he wants her ...then he will not let me take her to church on his Sundays. He is always full of threats and very controlling. But atleast for 2 weeks or until the Judge hears our case,,,,I can live with this if I have to. I am still concerned about her when she is with him as when he did bring her back.....last night...her diaper was on backwards....she didnt have her jacket on and it was cold...and he didnt secure her properly in her carseat. But I guess I can not do anything about what he does when it is his time. I didnt have to give her to him last nigth..but because he messed up on Sunday...I did. Does anyone have any advice for me about what to expect when the Judge does hear the case. I think I can live with this arrangment...does this sound fair? THank you,