Custody Battle/false allegations

[CCfrNY]

What is the name of your state? New York

I live in New York. I am 21 years old and the mother of a 3 year old little girl. She was born when i was 17 years old and conceived when i was 16. Her father is 36 years old and had to register as a sex offender for life for rape. On top of this he is serving a min 7 year sentence in federal prison for exchanging child pornography of a sadistic nature. He went in before the baby was born, and we do not have much contact. He has seen the baby only 2 times in her life. I have supported and taken care of my daughter since day one all by myself. She is the most important thing in the entire world to me.
Her aunt is taking me to court to try to gain full custody. I moved and would not tell them my new address and they are upset. Her aunt as well as grandmother have made sworm statements that i physically and sexually abuse my daughter, none of which is true. The statements they made that i read in my summons papers are completely false and have nothing that even comes close to true statements. They went as far as to even say specific dates of the false incidents. A social worker was here today and said my daughter was happy healthy, well groomed, and safe as far as he could tell. I took her to the doctor to have her checked as well and everything was fine.
The main thing that has me concerned is the fact that her aunt used to work for the dept of childrens services here and knows a lot of ppl here as well as what she needs to say to make the most difference. she is 52 years old and has 4 sons of her own. she is currently working as a teacher for children with emotional problems.
I have requested that my case be heard in a non biased county since she is personal friends with most the judges and officials in her county of residence. we live in seperate counties.
They have only really tried to get to know my daughter from January of this year. I just cant believe this is happening. I love my daughter so much and would go crazy with out her. I would NEVER harm her or allow anyone to harm her. I feel mad, hurt, betrayed and alot of other things because of this. My whole focus in life is to protect her and do the best i can to give her a good life. i am certainly not rich, but i do provide love and all her needs are met.
I cant afford an attorney. I have applied for a public defender, but i have a bad feeling about that. I mean, they do get paid by the government, and i cant help but to feel like my daughter and i really wont matter to them. I want to make sure i have someone who will do as much possible for us to make everything right.
PLEASE SOMEONE HELP GUIDE ME, or even let me know of your own personal experiences and a little of what to expect. I have never been in any trouble and am not familiar with courts.

 

[CCfrNY]

if you have any info

If anyone has any information about the rights of sex offenders or anything else pertaining to my post please email me. sparklychic607@yahoo.com

I am wondering also what to expect in court. i would assume they would have to show proof of any kind of abuse or neglect toward the child on my part, correct?

somebody please reply or email me.

 

[LdiJ]

If anyone has any information about the rights of sex offenders or anything else pertaining to my post please email me. sparklychic607@yahoo.com

I am wondering also what to expect in court. i would assume they would have to show proof of any kind of abuse or neglect toward the child on my part, correct?

somebody please reply or email me.

Yes, they would have to show proof of abuse or neglect. Is there no way that you can borrow money from family for an attorney? The biggest thing that you need is for the case to be heard in your county rather than hers.

 

[amiegaines654]

I am not an attorney, but I do not believe that his aunt will have any legal rights to your daughter. I will yeild to the seniors here on this one, but IMO you may have a court battle to go through, but I think that it will be ok for you in the end. Keep your head up, and keep fighting for your daughter!!!!

 

[CCfrNY]

Thankyou all so much for responding to me. I am beginning to have better feelings about this already. I have spoken to an attorney today who is going to let me arrange payments and not as high of an initial payment. The good news is that social service/children's services in my county is on my side. After all, i am not the "typical" 21 year old mother of a 3 year old. It has been me and only me raising her since day 1. I have worked continiuosly and provided for her. I dont drink or go out. I have never tried to pawn my daughter of on to anyone else. I have had my own place to live since before she was even born. And paid rent myself, not from public assistance. I think that a judge will take this into consideration. I may be young and not have as much experience with kids, or even have a college education. but i do take good care of my child, and provide for her the things she needs. and i work very hard.
Thankyou all once again. and if anyone knows of any websites with more information about the rights of sex offenders. please let me know.
thankyou,
Christina

 

[LdiJ]

Hon...DAD isn't going to get anywhere at all with custody or visitation. You honestly don't have to worry about HIM. He is serving time for sex crimes against children....he is "toast".

 

[vivarantthang]

I don't know, the judge let my children's dad have visitation with our children whom he severely physically abused to the point that they need counseling and medication. File for full custody and terminated parental rights.

 

[CCfrNY]

Update Any More Thoughts?

I went to court. The judge said they would have to show EXTREME proof of any type of abuse for my daughter to be removed from me. He also said he didnt consider the aunt to be family of my daughter. Also, the judge said it was very hard to remove a child from her mother's home, especially to live with someone she has only known since january. I feel much better now knowing that the judge seems like a reasonable man. I took my daughter to the doctor so he sent the judge a letter saying that she didnt show any signs of abuse or learning delays. Also, i think i mentioned before that when children's services came to my house they said my daughter was happy healthy well groomed and safe. I didnt even know they were coming so what they saw is the way it is here. she iss clean, well fed. well dressed, and has everything she needs. I got people that i know to write letters on my behalf just stating what they thought of me as a mother and the way my daughter acts or appears to them, including my neighbors. i am getting a court appointed atty this week so i will show him the letters and see what he thinks. I have to go back to court on June 27. And a law guardian is being appointed as well. that is the part that i am confused and a little nervous about. what is the purpose of a law guardian? i really dont know much about this. or what to think. The grandmother (Who i signed statement in the court paper also saying things that werent true) has been sending me letter saying she is sorry and now she wants to help me and she just wants to be able to see the baby some weekends and everyone just over reacted when i moved.
So i dont know what to think. The judge is expecting that we may make an agreement on our own out of court. If my atty thinks it is a good idea should i aggree to let the grandma see her one weekend a month. IMO it is wrong for them to lie about me and it is wrong for them to try to do this to my daughter (trying to make her live away from me). If i had it my way, i wouldnt want her to be around them at all but i know that is just my emotions talking because i am still so upset and offended by what they said. I do not want the aunt to be around her at all. But i am willing to let grandma see her sometimes because although she did lie, i know she does care about the baby.
My daughter means the whole world to me, and i havent even spent one night away from her since the day she was born. she will be 4 in november. I guess it scares me to death to be away from her. i know it sounds crazy. but i would go crazy if she was away from me. I am scared for her to even be away for a weekend.
Please give me your opinions on this matter. thankyou in advance.

 

[stealth2]

Generally, a law guardian will do much of what you already have letters for. S/he will talk to you, observe your/your daughter's interactions, possibly talk to her doctor, neighbors, daycare provider, etc to get a feel for how your relationship is with your daughter. I wouldn't worry a great deal since you know what these people will all say, AND you got a clean "bill of health" from social services. Also, the judge sounds as though he's pretty much in your corner.

As for letting grandma see the child, I'd be more likely to agree (if you're willing to allow the child to see her) monthly visits supervised by you. And that overnights will be at your discretion (once you see how it goes).

 

[Rosect]

I have a personal opinion u say that grandma deep down inside does care. Honestly she showed her true colors when she lied and I'm surprised they are not going to jail for making false allegations towards u. What they did yes it would've hurt u but they would've hurt ur daughter more in the long run. If I was in ur shoes I would not let any of them around her. U never know when they are gonna get upset over something else and do the same thing or worst. Example: In a visit they might even go as far as hitting her and calling dcf stating u dropped her off like that. It's really not a good idea.

 

[casa]

I went to court. The judge said they would have to show EXTREME proof of any type of abuse for my daughter to be removed from me. He also said he didnt consider the aunt to be family of my daughter. Also, the judge said it was very hard to remove a child from her mother's home, especially to live with someone she has only known since january. I feel much better now knowing that the judge seems like a reasonable man. I took my daughter to the doctor so he sent the judge a letter saying that she didnt show any signs of abuse or learning delays. Also, i think i mentioned before that when children's services came to my house they said my daughter was happy healthy well groomed and safe. I didnt even know they were coming so what they saw is the way it is here. she iss clean, well fed. well dressed, and has everything she needs. I got people that i know to write letters on my behalf just stating what they thought of me as a mother and the way my daughter acts or appears to them, including my neighbors. i am getting a court appointed atty this week so i will show him the letters and see what he thinks. I have to go back to court on June 27. And a law guardian is being appointed as well. that is the part that i am confused and a little nervous about. what is the purpose of a law guardian? i really dont know much about this. or what to think. The grandmother (Who i signed statement in the court paper also saying things that werent true) has been sending me letter saying she is sorry and now she wants to help me and she just wants to be able to see the baby some weekends and everyone just over reacted when i moved.
So i dont know what to think. The judge is expecting that we may make an agreement on our own out of court. If my atty thinks it is a good idea should i aggree to let the grandma see her one weekend a month. IMO it is wrong for them to lie about me and it is wrong for them to try to do this to my daughter (trying to make her live away from me). If i had it my way, i wouldnt want her to be around them at all but i know that is just my emotions talking because i am still so upset and offended by what they said. I do not want the aunt to be around her at all. But i am willing to let grandma see her sometimes because although she did lie, i know she does care about the baby.
My daughter means the whole world to me, and i havent even spent one night away from her since the day she was born. she will be 4 in november. I guess it scares me to death to be away from her. i know it sounds crazy. but i would go crazy if she was away from me. I am scared for her to even be away for a weekend.
Please give me your opinions on this matter. thankyou in advance.

Make sure your attorney has copies of the letters from Grandma to file with the court.

 

[LdiJ]

Generally, a law guardian will do much of what you already have letters for. S/he will talk to you, observe your/your daughter's interactions, possibly talk to her doctor, neighbors, daycare provider, etc to get a feel for how your relationship is with your daughter. I wouldn't worry a great deal since you know what these people will all say, AND you got a clean "bill of health" from social services. Also, the judge sounds as though he's pretty much in your corner.

As for letting grandma see the child, I'd be more likely to agree (if you're willing to allow the child to see her) monthly visits supervised by you. And that overnights will be at your discretion (once you see how it goes).

I agree wholeheartedly. Once someone has made false allegations....even if they apologize and show sincere regret....they can't really be trusted not to do it again. (or at least have to earn renewed trust) Therefore visits supervised by you would be entirely appropriate for now...with YOU deciding when and if overnights are reasonable.

 

[bradybunchmom]

i sure wouldnt forgive and forget

if it was up to me, niether of them would see the child-they dont deserve it after everything they put you through. i wouldnt be so forgiving. id tell them both to go to hell, theyll never see the child again. shame on them both for their vindictive behavior!

 

[CCfrNY]

More Letters...!!

Today i recieved 2 more letters. one from the grandma..one from aunt, who is trying to get custody of my daughter. Grandma says again she just thinks everyone over reacted and she is sorry for everything. And for me to please let her see the baby. she says "i think she likes being around me."

Her aunt has asked me to call her so we can "discuss" things. I have not made any attempt to make contact with them at all since i was served. IMO it is probably better that i didnt, and it seems to me they are digging themselves into a deeper hole so to speak. Maybe i am wrong.

What i am wondering now is am i doing the right thing by ignoring them and just saving the letters in a folder with the papers i think that are important to my case? I dont really feel like i owe them any more of my time. It just seems to me that they realize the chances of them having a part of her life are slim.

My last court date was May 25, and i was approved for a court appointed attorney. My next date is June 25 but i have been allowed to appear by phone because of the distance. Is it unusual that i havent heard from the attorney or the court at all since May 25? The judge said he was sending me papers in the mail. But so far nothing.

Thankyou all so much for your time.

 

[bradybunchmom]

aunt and grandma are bieng a pain in the ***

tell the aunt when and if she calls again thats theres nothing to discuss-she has no legal standing to seek visitation with your daughter, and to please leave you alone. as for grandma, i agree with the other posters, id only allow grandma have supervised visits in YOUR home at YOUR disrection. if grandma doesnt like it, too bad, youre the mother, and you deicde who your child sees,you have more rights then grandma or anyone else.