Custody...how likely?

[ICUB4ER]

What is the name of your state? Kansas

Stbx and I have a second attempt at settlement on the 16th, if we can't settle then, we have a trial scheduled for June 8th.
When he left, he went over a month with no contact with me or the children (girls ages 10 & 13).
He was ordered in our temp order on Oct. 5th to pay child support and spousal maintainance but refused to pay, so my attorney had to have an income withholding order issued in January.
The only contact he has had with the children is EOW as that is all he has asked for to date. I have emails where I have offered him the girls on weekends that "weren't his" and he refused and said that he would stick to seeing them on his weekends.
Now that he has moved in with his girlfriend and lives almost 30 miles away from the girls and his job, he has decided that he wants full custody or at least 50/50 custody because he says that he "can't afford" to pay what they are taking out of his check because "gas is eating him up driving so far to work), yet he makes in excess of $80,000 a year and the only bill he has is his van payment and I assume helping to pay his girlfriends household bills.
The kids entire lifes I have been and still am a stay at home mom. The kids and I live 5 blocks from their schools, the girls have four half brothers here at home and grandparents three blocks away that we see almost daily.
He works 50-60 hrs a week and goes to college two nights a week.
My question is...When we finally get before a judge, will his pattern of visitation and/or behaviour and refusal to voluntarily pay the court ordered support say anything about his desire for custody and have any effect on the ruling?
I can see why he wants custody, but will a judge?

 

[Ithildriel]

What is the name of your state? Kansas

I can see why he wants custody, but will a judge?

Yup.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Kansas

Stbx and I have a second attempt at settlement on the 16th, if we can't settle then, we have a trial scheduled for June 8th.
When he left, he went over a month with no contact with me or the children (girls ages 10 & 13).
He was ordered in our temp order on Oct. 5th to pay child support and spousal maintainance but refused to pay, so my attorney had to have an income withholding order issued in January.
The only contact he has had with the children is EOW as that is all he has asked for to date. I have emails where I have offered him the girls on weekends that "weren't his" and he refused and said that he would stick to seeing them on his weekends.
Now that he has moved in with his girlfriend and lives almost 30 miles away from the girls and his job, he has decided that he wants full custody or at least 50/50 custody because he says that he "can't afford" to pay what they are taking out of his check because "gas is eating him up driving so far to work), yet he makes in excess of $80,000 a year and the only bill he has is his van payment and I assume helping to pay his girlfriends household bills.
The kids entire lifes I have been and still am a stay at home mom. The kids and I live 5 blocks from their schools, the girls have four half brothers here at home and grandparents three blocks away that we see almost daily.
He works 50-60 hrs a week and goes to college two nights a week.
My question is...When we finally get before a judge, will his pattern of visitation and/or behaviour and refusal to voluntarily pay the court ordered support say anything about his desire for custody and have any effect on the ruling?
I can see why he wants custody, but will a judge?

Realistically, at this point he isn't likely to get primary custody. The children are established with you and established in their schools and the judge is unlikely to change that. On top of that the girls are old enough that their wishes will have some weight as well. His schedule is also a major factor.

Let your attorney handle things. Although parenting time and child support are separate legal issues, I think its going to be obvious to the judge that this is about money...not the kids.

 

[ICUB4ER]

On top of that the girls are old enough that their wishes will have some weight as well.

I really don't want to "involve" the girls in adult things. Is there any way to let their wishes be known without them having to actually speak with the judge?
Like maybe having their counselors write a statement or even bringing their counselors in as witnesses, or even letting the judge read their journals that their counselors had them start writing?
It's not right or fair to them to make them go into a courtroom or judges chambers like that. This whole thing is hard enough on them without doing that to them as well.
I am sooo ready to get this over with and move on with life without all of this legal crap as a part of my daily life.

 

[ceara19]

I really don't want to "involve" the girls in adult things. Is there any way to let their wishes be known without them having to actually speak with the judge?
Like maybe having their counselors write a statement or even bringing their counselors in as witnesses, or even letting the judge read their journals that their counselors had them start writing?
It's not right or fair to them to make them go into a courtroom or judges chambers like that. This whole thing is hard enough on them without doing that to them as well.
I am sooo ready to get this over with and move on with life without all of this legal crap as a part of my daily life.

They would have to answer the question no matter WHO asks it. What makes talking to the judge in chambers about it any differemt, then talking to any other 3rd party?

 

[ICUB4ER]

I guess it's the fact that they will be talking to a judge that concerns me. That's a scarey thing for a child of any age to have to do in my opinion.
They have been seeing their counselors for almost 7 months and are comfortable talking to them. They will not have that relationship with a judge and will be quite uncomfortable talking to one.
I just don't want to cause any more "pain" for them than what is absolutely necessary.
Maybe I'm just being an overprotective mom!?!

 

[Ithildriel]

I guess it's the fact that they will be talking to a judge that concerns me. That's a scarey thing for a child of any age to have to do in my opinion.
They have been seeing their counselors for almost 7 months and are comfortable talking to them. They will not have that relationship with a judge and will be quite uncomfortable talking to one.
I just don't want to cause any more "pain" for them than what is absolutely necessary.
Maybe I'm just being an overprotective mom!?!

I think that you might be...but that's just my uninformed opinion.

Talking to the judge should be a positve empowering thing. Letting them know that the judge cares how they feel, and wants to hear there side.

I would work with their counselor on how best to put a positive spin on this. YOU determine whether this is painful for them or not, by your attitude in it's regards.

 

[GrowUp!]

I guess it's the fact that they will be talking to a judge that concerns me. That's a scarey thing for a child of any age to have to do in my opinion.

Oh for crying out loud...they're not 6!!

They have been seeing their counselors for almost 7 months and are comfortable talking to them. They will not have that relationship with a judge and will be quite uncomfortable talking to one.
I just don't want to cause any more "pain" for them than what is absolutely necessary.
Maybe I'm just being an overprotective mom!?!

Yeah...slightly overprotective. This isn't about a "relationship" with the Judge or about being comfy. What is there to be uncomfortable about the begin with? Do the children have a problem with "being themselves"????