What is the name of your state? CA
Ok here this goes and the first thing I will ask is that please keep "flaming" out of the replies. I am asking for advice not insult. This is likely to be very long due to covering 11 years of information that was not known until a few months ago and is still being uncovered.
Background: My fiance and I met late 2004 and have been living together since early 2005. I have a 3 year old daughter who's father is MIA (ie: lives in the same town but can't even call or come by for his daughter's birthday). My Fiance has an 11 year old daughter and this post is reguarding her. Given the information uncovered and brought to his attention recently he now wants 100% legal and physical custody of his daughter as soon as possible. I am posting this for my Fiance who is neither legal or computer litterate. I am pretty litterate in both and have been doing everything I can from behind the scenes to support him.
My Fiance was married to his daughter's mother twice. The first divorce took place while his ex-wife was pregnant with their daughter. The second marriage and divorce was several years later. In the first divorce it appears to me as if the legal proceedings were not followed or "loop holes" were used regarding the service of papers. Due to this fact my Fiance only has a Final Order from the court stating that he was infact divorced and his now ex-wife would have 100% legal and physical custody of their unborn child with no outlined visitation to the father. As I stated before he is not legal litterate and did not even know what this order actually said until I explained it to him earlier this year. He thought the only thing it addressed was the disolution of marriage which he figured to be a divorce.
Because the first divorce dealt with custody of his daughter the second divorce did not.
Up until a few months ago my fiance was lead by his ex-wife to believe that he had 50% legal and physical custody of his daughter. Might I mention he's a very trusting individual as well. The downfall of a "nice guy".
My fiance has had financial problems due to supporting his disabled mother for most of his daughter's life so he offered child support and agreed for his daughter to live with his ex on the grounds that he was able to see his daughter once a week or more. What he has told me is in the course of his daughter's life her mother has "disapeared" with her many times. In late 1999 or early 2000 his ex left their daughter and her youngest with her (the ex's) stepfather. The mother signed over guardianship to him and left her children with him for approximately 3 years. During this time the mother moved approximately 70 miles away and only came to see the children sporadically sometimes 4 to 6 months apart. This entire time my fiance was visiting his daughter about once a week missing a week here or there due to transportation problems or overtime at work. When he was financially able to he filed for 100% custody of his daughter with the support of the mother's stepfather. As soon as he did so the mother came and took both children immediately. The court ruled to give him 50% custody and after the hearing his ex, again taking advantage of his trust, convinced him that they could "work it out between themselves" and not do anything else in court. One more time she retained 100% custody of thier child. Less than a month later she disapeared to Reno, NV with her new husband. My fiance found out from the mother's stepfater where they were and asked for his visitation. He got some time and the mother then disapeared again to Redding, CA to her sister's for about a year. When the mother returned to Reno, NV my fiance was able to track her down again and ask for his visitation again. She allowed this until the summer of 2004 and then moved somewhere within Reno, NV and managed to keep her phone # and address secretive until July 2005 when I became actively involved.
Some of you might ask if there was a reason for all this I will state here and now there has never been a history of neglect, abuse, or any other reason for my fiance not to see his daughter. I personally have researched this with people who have known him both as friend and foe given having my own daughter of 3 years old. I have not seen in the time we have been together anything but love, trust, and absolute blindness to negative actions of others.
With the assistance of a lawyer he now does have fully legal 50% custody but given the situation we both feel this is not enough. I know I have no claim to the child but neither am I the one to stand there and watch a child be run over by a car in the middle of the street no matter whose child it is.
Here are some of the things been uncovered since the start of the new visitation. Alot of this coming from his daughter, some hinted at by social workers who would like to see his daughter in a better place, some from the mother's stepfater, some from her other daughter's father, some just simple fact.
The step father who has been with the mother since around 1999 is bi-polar, a known alcoholic, a known drug dealer (obviously not convicted but when you talk to the right people you find out the right things), violent, controlling, might I add from personal observation of things accounted to me he's a bit warped. Point in fact he attempted suicide with my fiances' daughter in the room.
The mother herself has been known to drink heavily, use drugs, and be violent. The father of the mother's youngest said she used drugs such as marijuana, speed, and crystal meth. Last time he knew of it was while she was pregnant with her youngest and for a time afterwards.
Please keep in mind the father didn't even know until tonight infact of the mother's drug use. Yes that may seem stupid but hey like I said there is a downfall to being a "nice guy" and believing everything you are told.
It is now known that at one time when my fiances daughter was brought to her mother's stepfather she had hand marks around her neck where allegedly her mother's husband had tried to choke the child. The younger sister came back one time with bruises all over her back. While at the stepfather's allegedly the mother told my fiances daughter she didn't want her. Another thing that the mother has told their daughter is that while she was pregnant her mother and sister beat her in the stomach with a baseball bat. This statement I was told was untrue by the stepfather who seems to really care for the children.
I think that's enough of the abusive part tho I could write pages more on the information given to myself and my fiance.
The neglect side of it is that their daughter has told us of not having adequate food to eat, no means to wash clothes, etc. Another part is that while in the mother's stepfather's care their daughter was doing well in school and is now flunking. I myself took the task to find spelling word lists for 1st - 6th grade. My fiance quizzed her on the 1st grade spelling list and she missed 22 1st grade spelling words! This leaves no wonder why she's flunking the 6th grade. She is a very smart girl and with teaching catches on quick enough. So her education is being neglected as well as her needs. Up until a couple months ago she lived in a motel room with her mother and step father.
Another kicker.... the mother has 3 daughter's by 3 dad's. The oldest is with her dad's brother in Hawaii after the death of her dad. Then there is my fiances' daughter. The youngest is currently in Shasta county CPS.
I know there is more to tell but this is getting rediculously long....
Here's the thing. The mediator at the court turned everything into a flowery story on the mother's side and said that not knowing where his daughter was is not an excuse for not seeing her for a year. The only way he found out where she was this time is caller id when she called to find out why she didn't get her child support payment and a whole lot of investigation on both of our parts.
It seems the court is unwilling to consider the child's best interest and insisted she go back to her mother's even when she stated she was afraid to. Her mother had told her what happens at home stays and at home and the girl was afraid of what punishment might await her.
There are a few things I would like to know. How to obtain and if it is possible to obtain police records from Reno, NV police department regarding their visits to the house both on the suicide attempt, domestic violence, and the arrests of the stepfather which we know he has had a few.
Another is will the court take into consideration the problems with the stepfather since he does have a large impact on the girl's life? The mother has listed her stepfather as the "stay-at-home parent" since he does not work and most dicipline is left to him as well as a large portion of the caregiving while the mother is at work.
My fiance is attempting to make this very quick and the court seems to not want to give him custody due to his "absense" in her life of a year though he could not do anything about it.
Is there any way to win this? It is becoming very stressful with every visitation and new story of a warped life his daughter is living now that she knows she can talk to her dad.
Ok here this goes and the first thing I will ask is that please keep "flaming" out of the replies. I am asking for advice not insult. This is likely to be very long due to covering 11 years of information that was not known until a few months ago and is still being uncovered.
Background: My fiance and I met late 2004 and have been living together since early 2005. I have a 3 year old daughter who's father is MIA (ie: lives in the same town but can't even call or come by for his daughter's birthday). My Fiance has an 11 year old daughter and this post is reguarding her. Given the information uncovered and brought to his attention recently he now wants 100% legal and physical custody of his daughter as soon as possible. I am posting this for my Fiance who is neither legal or computer litterate. I am pretty litterate in both and have been doing everything I can from behind the scenes to support him.
My Fiance was married to his daughter's mother twice. The first divorce took place while his ex-wife was pregnant with their daughter. The second marriage and divorce was several years later. In the first divorce it appears to me as if the legal proceedings were not followed or "loop holes" were used regarding the service of papers. Due to this fact my Fiance only has a Final Order from the court stating that he was infact divorced and his now ex-wife would have 100% legal and physical custody of their unborn child with no outlined visitation to the father. As I stated before he is not legal litterate and did not even know what this order actually said until I explained it to him earlier this year. He thought the only thing it addressed was the disolution of marriage which he figured to be a divorce.
Because the first divorce dealt with custody of his daughter the second divorce did not.
Up until a few months ago my fiance was lead by his ex-wife to believe that he had 50% legal and physical custody of his daughter. Might I mention he's a very trusting individual as well. The downfall of a "nice guy".
My fiance has had financial problems due to supporting his disabled mother for most of his daughter's life so he offered child support and agreed for his daughter to live with his ex on the grounds that he was able to see his daughter once a week or more. What he has told me is in the course of his daughter's life her mother has "disapeared" with her many times. In late 1999 or early 2000 his ex left their daughter and her youngest with her (the ex's) stepfather. The mother signed over guardianship to him and left her children with him for approximately 3 years. During this time the mother moved approximately 70 miles away and only came to see the children sporadically sometimes 4 to 6 months apart. This entire time my fiance was visiting his daughter about once a week missing a week here or there due to transportation problems or overtime at work. When he was financially able to he filed for 100% custody of his daughter with the support of the mother's stepfather. As soon as he did so the mother came and took both children immediately. The court ruled to give him 50% custody and after the hearing his ex, again taking advantage of his trust, convinced him that they could "work it out between themselves" and not do anything else in court. One more time she retained 100% custody of thier child. Less than a month later she disapeared to Reno, NV with her new husband. My fiance found out from the mother's stepfater where they were and asked for his visitation. He got some time and the mother then disapeared again to Redding, CA to her sister's for about a year. When the mother returned to Reno, NV my fiance was able to track her down again and ask for his visitation again. She allowed this until the summer of 2004 and then moved somewhere within Reno, NV and managed to keep her phone # and address secretive until July 2005 when I became actively involved.
Some of you might ask if there was a reason for all this I will state here and now there has never been a history of neglect, abuse, or any other reason for my fiance not to see his daughter. I personally have researched this with people who have known him both as friend and foe given having my own daughter of 3 years old. I have not seen in the time we have been together anything but love, trust, and absolute blindness to negative actions of others.
With the assistance of a lawyer he now does have fully legal 50% custody but given the situation we both feel this is not enough. I know I have no claim to the child but neither am I the one to stand there and watch a child be run over by a car in the middle of the street no matter whose child it is.
Here are some of the things been uncovered since the start of the new visitation. Alot of this coming from his daughter, some hinted at by social workers who would like to see his daughter in a better place, some from the mother's stepfater, some from her other daughter's father, some just simple fact.
The step father who has been with the mother since around 1999 is bi-polar, a known alcoholic, a known drug dealer (obviously not convicted but when you talk to the right people you find out the right things), violent, controlling, might I add from personal observation of things accounted to me he's a bit warped. Point in fact he attempted suicide with my fiances' daughter in the room.
The mother herself has been known to drink heavily, use drugs, and be violent. The father of the mother's youngest said she used drugs such as marijuana, speed, and crystal meth. Last time he knew of it was while she was pregnant with her youngest and for a time afterwards.
Please keep in mind the father didn't even know until tonight infact of the mother's drug use. Yes that may seem stupid but hey like I said there is a downfall to being a "nice guy" and believing everything you are told.
It is now known that at one time when my fiances daughter was brought to her mother's stepfather she had hand marks around her neck where allegedly her mother's husband had tried to choke the child. The younger sister came back one time with bruises all over her back. While at the stepfather's allegedly the mother told my fiances daughter she didn't want her. Another thing that the mother has told their daughter is that while she was pregnant her mother and sister beat her in the stomach with a baseball bat. This statement I was told was untrue by the stepfather who seems to really care for the children.
I think that's enough of the abusive part tho I could write pages more on the information given to myself and my fiance.
The neglect side of it is that their daughter has told us of not having adequate food to eat, no means to wash clothes, etc. Another part is that while in the mother's stepfather's care their daughter was doing well in school and is now flunking. I myself took the task to find spelling word lists for 1st - 6th grade. My fiance quizzed her on the 1st grade spelling list and she missed 22 1st grade spelling words! This leaves no wonder why she's flunking the 6th grade. She is a very smart girl and with teaching catches on quick enough. So her education is being neglected as well as her needs. Up until a couple months ago she lived in a motel room with her mother and step father.
Another kicker.... the mother has 3 daughter's by 3 dad's. The oldest is with her dad's brother in Hawaii after the death of her dad. Then there is my fiances' daughter. The youngest is currently in Shasta county CPS.
I know there is more to tell but this is getting rediculously long....
Here's the thing. The mediator at the court turned everything into a flowery story on the mother's side and said that not knowing where his daughter was is not an excuse for not seeing her for a year. The only way he found out where she was this time is caller id when she called to find out why she didn't get her child support payment and a whole lot of investigation on both of our parts.
It seems the court is unwilling to consider the child's best interest and insisted she go back to her mother's even when she stated she was afraid to. Her mother had told her what happens at home stays and at home and the girl was afraid of what punishment might await her.
There are a few things I would like to know. How to obtain and if it is possible to obtain police records from Reno, NV police department regarding their visits to the house both on the suicide attempt, domestic violence, and the arrests of the stepfather which we know he has had a few.
Another is will the court take into consideration the problems with the stepfather since he does have a large impact on the girl's life? The mother has listed her stepfather as the "stay-at-home parent" since he does not work and most dicipline is left to him as well as a large portion of the caregiving while the mother is at work.
My fiance is attempting to make this very quick and the court seems to not want to give him custody due to his "absense" in her life of a year though he could not do anything about it.
Is there any way to win this? It is becoming very stressful with every visitation and new story of a warped life his daughter is living now that she knows she can talk to her dad.
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