Custody Question

[two4two]

What is the name of your state? Texas

my ex husband has many issues. he only became involved in our 3 1/2 year old twins life about 5 months ago. we have a special provision drawn up in our divorce decree that states if he cannot personally exercise his visitation periods of possession, then he forfeits his visitation and the children remain wiht me. he agreed to this in court and signed to papers. now he has met a woman on the internet about three months ago and he has moved her into his home with her children, and they are both telling me that she is going to keep the children while he is at work on his visitation periods. i have tried to explain that he cannot do this, but he doesn't care. i do not know anything about this woman, and what i do know scares me. i am terrified for my children to go for their visitation, but the courts say that i have to send them until i can prove that he is not personally with them. this meaning i have to play inspector gadget and try to catch him at work and them bring police to their house ultimately scaring the children even more. from my understanding she is not a very good parent to her own children and is only with my ex because she needs a father for her children. she has even told me that she did not care what he does with his own children, as long as he takes care of hers. now he is telling me that he is going to appeal the provision in the decree and have it removed. Can he do this without us going back to court? also if he has to personally be present with thte children during visitation, is there any way to force him to give me his work schedule proving that he is not going to be at work before i send my children. also, what is likely to be the judges stance on this if we do go back to court? he really does not care about the children, but he uses them because he knows it is the only way to get at me. and it works. i am physically sick about the whole thing. what can i do?

 

[VeronicaGia]

Personally I think you will lose this one. He has to work. I believe it was written in there so that he doesn't take the kids then drop them off at grandma's. Are you saying you are with the kids 24/7/365? You don't work, you don't go out, never leaving the child with daycare or a babysitter? Remember, he can easily try to put the same restrictions on you that you have put on him. I believe you are being unreasonable, since the man does have to work.

 

[stealth2]

I have to agree that you're being completely unreasonable. I can see the provision in terms of allowing you the first right to watch the kids while he works, but not that if he has to work he loses that visitation. That's, quite frankly, sick. Why can't you watch the kids while he's at work, and then have him come pick them up until he has to go back to work?

I suspect a judge will not be sympathetic to you. Dad is at least making an effort to be involved in the kids' lives now - you should respect that.

 

[two4two]

just in my defense, he makes out his own work schedule. plus he has pleaded guilty to assaulting me, anfd he has a ten year old son from a previous marriage that has had to go through extesive counseling for the games that he played with that ex wife. the stipulations were put there for a reason. i had to have proof to get it put in the papers. this is not a saint that we are dealing with. and yes, i work, but it is a member of my family that keeps my children while i work, i am not leaving them with someone that i have known for three months like he is wanting to do. I personally think that is SICK!!!!

 

[stealth2]

he has a ten year old son from a previous marriage that has had to go through extesive counseling for the games that he played with that ex wife.

Presumably, you knew this before you decided to have kids with him.

You can expect that, if he asks for it, he will have the same restrictions placed on you as you've placed on him. What's good for the goose, dear...

 

[LdiJ]

I think its possible that we are misinterpreting this. These are 3 1/2 year olds that dad has only been involved with for 5 months. Therefore its very possible that dad's visitation periods are short and frequent. Therefore, this may really be more of a right of first refusal arrangment than anything else.

The whole purpose of it (at least in the judge's eyes) may have been to make sure that dad actually spends time with the kids.

Therefore, without more info, we really can't be certain that this is an issue where she would lose.

And to answer her original question**************No, he can't do this without taking it back to court. The orders stand as they are now, until he does so.

 

[two4two]

Thank You Ldij. There Is Alot More To The Story And The Reason For It Being Put In The Papers Is To Ensure That He Is Actually Spending Time With The Children Instead Of Putting The Responsibility On Someone Else. I Have Offered To Work On An Alternate Schedule With Him. Like Him Keeping Them One Day A Week On His Day Off, And He Refused. He Is Just Persistant On His Girlfriend Playing "mommy". I Feel That If He Does Not Want To See The Children And Spend Time With Them Himself Then It Is Pointless For Them To Be Away From Home To Spend Time With Someone Else. He Has Only Been Around For Five Months, They Need To Bond With Him Before Throwing A Complete Stranger Into The Loop. He Is Refusing Any Attempt To Make That Bonding Happen. It Is More About Him Being Able To Do Whatever He Wants To Do Instead Of What Is In The Best Interest Of The Children And Their Emotional Needs. They Need That Time With Their Father, Not With A Babysitter. I Mean Come On, All He Has To Give Them Is Either One Day A Week, Or Every Other Weekend, And That Is Too Big Of A Problem----there Is Really No Way To Defend That. Along With Having Children There Are Sometimes Sacrifices And Schedule Changes That Have To Take Place If You Really Want Things To Work, And It Is Not Worth It To Him To Do Anything To See His Children---including Working A Different Visitation Schedule.

 

[Halls]

I agree with Ldij!