Dad Doesn't Want to Follow Brand New Order Details

[funnybabyboy200]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

My ex and I just went through custody, and we JUST had our order signed by a judge, got my copy in the mail just yesterday. Today is the first day that Dad has parenting time under the order.

We are already having a problem. The order states, "Transportation shall be provided by the party whose period of custody is beginning." Dad is refusing to pick our son up from my house. He says that he won't take him unless I drop our son off at his house, or drop our son off at daycare for him to pick up. Daycare is about a half mile from Dad's house.

Dad says that he doesn't feel comfortable coming to my house because he doesn't trust me.

I usually don't work on Wednesdays, which is a day Dad has visitation each week, from 4-8, so he typically isn't at daycare on Wednesday, although the day is paid for & can be used when I need it. Incidentally, Dad pays me support & I pay daycare, which is a bit different than what he is saying.

Even though we have a court order in place & I know I don't have to do it, I don't want to develop a habit of having to drive both directions, although I'm willing to in the event of out of the ordinary circumstances. I got a flat tire myself this morning, for example. Things happen, however, it doesn't sound like Dad is just having a temporary emergency, he just doesn't want to come here at all. The Saturday before Easter Dad is supposed to get our son, and daycare is closed on the weekend, so this is going to be an ongoing problem.

Lay it on me, what should I do.

 

[Isis1]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA

My ex and I just went through custody, and we JUST had our order signed by a judge, got my copy in the mail just yesterday. Today is the first day that Dad has parenting time under the order.

We are already having a problem. The order states, "Transportation shall be provided by the party whose period of custody is beginning." Dad is refusing to pick our son up from my house. He says that he won't take him unless I drop our son off at his house, or drop our son off at daycare for him to pick up. Daycare is about a half mile from Dad's house.

Dad says that he doesn't feel comfortable coming to my house because he doesn't trust me.

I usually don't work on Wednesdays, which is a day Dad has visitation each week, from 4-8, so he typically isn't at daycare on Wednesday, although the day is paid for & can be used when I need it. Incidentally, Dad pays me support & I pay daycare, which is a bit different than what he is saying.

Even though we have a court order in place & I know I don't have to do it, I don't want to develop a habit of having to drive both directions, although I'm willing to in the event of out of the ordinary circumstances. I got a flat tire myself this morning, for example. Things happen, however, it doesn't sound like Dad is just having a temporary emergency, he just doesn't want to come here at all. The Saturday before Easter Dad is supposed to get our son, and daycare is closed on the weekend, so this is going to be an ongoing problem.

Lay it on me, what should I do.

for this...i'd take the child to daycare. and go have a hot bath with some champagne. but i'm weird.


but on the weekend..."hey dad, i'll be at home for your pick up. if you aren't here to pick up, i'll be going about my day".

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

I have to go with Isis on this, hold the champagne. It is his loss if he fails to exercise his visitation.

 

[ecmst12]

Why are you starting a new thread?

 

[funnybabyboy200]

I told Dad I'd take our son to him this time, but he needs to figure something out for future pick-ups because I'm not doing it all the time. I dropped him off, and told Dad I'd be back at 8pm to pick up.

I got to Dad's @ 7:55pm, and he wasn't there. I was fine with it, so I just waited. Finally when he still wasn't there at 8:18pm, I called. He told me that he just dropped our son off at my house...huh??

My older daughter was at the house, and my ex & his momma left our son with her.

I think the whole thing is quite fishy & weird, because he told me if I didn't bring our son to him he wasn't going to see him at all, and he didn't trust me, he said, "I know you have some tricks up your sleeve". But he turns around and takes him to my house. When I brought up the fact that I told him I was coming to pick up, that the court order says I should pick up, and he should pick up too, he said he "didn't know" I was picking up.

Whatever. He's weird. I hope not, but I think there's some crazy reason behind all of this. I'll find out what the heck it is eventually, probably read it on some paper I get served with at some point.

 

[djmastr111]

Yeah do the daycare. I understand dads side you should both meet half way each time in a public place the police station is always good. I understand your side too "dads violating a court order I worked very hard to get within the 1st week it was ordered". For you just document it and if you have a problem later on use this as supporting evidence. Anything you document is admissible evidence. The courts would prefer for you two to work these small things out between yourselves unless he lives 20 miles away or something. I'm sorry you are going through this and I know it sucks but if your honestly doing the right thing, and you will know if you are. Everything will be alright, I promise.

 

[DownTime]

Whatever. He's weird. I hope not, but I think there's some crazy reason behind all of this. I'll find out what the heck it is eventually, probably read it on some paper I get served with at some point.

Ick. I think you blew up his plans by agreeing to do the driving. He was expecting you to explode, and you didn't. Nice.

He'll use it all in the next filing as you screwing up, of course, but "whatever" there.

I'm reading his "weird" as, he is trying to bait you. Either by chaos or negative focus.

Co-parenting is bigger than that. And harder, since it's easier to panic or to get mad than it is to breathe through it and put the kids first. Never let 'em see you sweat.

 

[LdiJ]

I told Dad I'd take our son to him this time, but he needs to figure something out for future pick-ups because I'm not doing it all the time. I dropped him off, and told Dad I'd be back at 8pm to pick up.

I got to Dad's @ 7:55pm, and he wasn't there. I was fine with it, so I just waited. Finally when he still wasn't there at 8:18pm, I called. He told me that he just dropped our son off at my house...huh??

My older daughter was at the house, and my ex & his momma left our son with her.

I think the whole thing is quite fishy & weird, because he told me if I didn't bring our son to him he wasn't going to see him at all, and he didn't trust me, he said, "I know you have some tricks up your sleeve". But he turns around and takes him to my house. When I brought up the fact that I told him I was coming to pick up, that the court order says I should pick up, and he should pick up too, he said he "didn't know" I was picking up.

Whatever. He's weird. I hope not, but I think there's some crazy reason behind all of this. I'll find out what the heck it is eventually, probably read it on some paper I get served with at some point.

My advice is a bit different than the others. Since dad is clearly playing some sort of game, and is clearly not afraid to go to your house (since he dropped the child off) then I think it would be wisest to stick strictly to the court orders from this point forward.

You cannot be held in contempt or manipulated into doing something that makes it appear that you are in contempt, if you stick strictly to the court orders, with absolutely no deviations.

 

[funnybabyboy200]

Thanks for your responses. I agree that we need to follow the order carefully to avoid any problems. Dad refused to pick our son up again last Wednesday, which was fine with me, but this time I didn't offer to drive him to him, so he just missed the parenting time.

On Saturday, Dad was supposed to get our son from 5pm Saturday to Sunday @ 5pm for Easter. I worked until 8pm, so I came home around 4:45pm to wait for Dad. I didn't want the babysitter to have to deal with Dad or his mother because they can be difficult. I waited until 5:30pm, and finally went back to work. I called Dad, and he was oblivious to his parenting time. I told him that he could come at 8:30pm to get him, and he did.

I went to pick our son up on Sunday, and stood outside calling & knocking for 17 minutes before Dad finally answered the phone. I finally got my son back @ 8:26. I guess our son was sleeping, and maybe Dad & his gf were too. I don't know. It was frustrating though.

So, the next day, Monday, Dad calls me around 11 in the morning & tells me that I need to give him $38.15 for the screen in his storm door. If I don't give it to him, he will sue me in court for the cost of the entire door, $300. I did break the screen years ago, when I was heading out the door I put my hand through the already damaged screen. It was an accident. I told him to take me to court because I wasn't giving him the money, and he said, "well maybe your personal property will get damaged & you'll have to pay for it". I asked him if that was a threat, and he said "take it however you want, maybe it is".
I hung up on him.

So today I was jogging. I've been jogging the same route for years, my ex knows this. Guess who's sitting in the park? My ex. I was definitely leary of him, but there were plenty of people around, so I spoke to him. He told me that he misses me & he still loves me and he wants to know if I would consider going to couples counseling.

I just stood there completely dumbfounded. I mean, this man filed a PFA against me, told the court I beat our son, that I'm CRAZY. The day before, he told me that he was taking me to court over $38.15. What am I supposed to SAY??

I honestly think the reason I had to stand outside his house for so long on Easter is because him and his gf were...you know! I can't deal with this man. He makes me so upset. This is extremely difficult. I love my son, but this is ridiculous. I tried to be nice, but it didn't come out very nice. I just said that I am single so why would I go to couples' counseling? And that his girlfriend might have trouble understanding why he would want to go to couples' counseling without HER. And that he filed a PFA against me, and said all that stuff about me to the court and to his entire family & people that we both know, and all the stuff I said to people that we both know, how could he even think that there's any going back? And then he asked me if I saw the moon the other night, and he asked me if I still think of him when I see the moon. I think that man is bat **** crazy. All i could do is stand there & stare at him.

I am not heartless, I LOVED that man at one time. I will always care for him. I want the BEST for him. But I can't even begin to entertain the thought of reconciliation. I am heartbroken that my son is growing up with parents who aren't together. But I do not & have no capacity to trust him. I feel like the counseling thing is just another ploy to trick me into doing something he can hold against me. I don't even know why I'm posting this here. I can't even tell anybody in real life he did that, because my family just hates him now, and they won't be able to understand that in a way, I think he has been causing all this trouble to get my attention, or something. I have no idea!

At any rate, I am following the order. I hope he does too. If he doesn't, I have to have patience. He's always been late & disorganized, and just because there's a court order doesn't mean that he's going to get better at being on time.

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks for your responses. I agree that we need to follow the order carefully to avoid any problems. Dad refused to pick our son up again last Wednesday, which was fine with me, but this time I didn't offer to drive him to him, so he just missed the parenting time.

On Saturday, Dad was supposed to get our son from 5pm Saturday to Sunday @ 5pm for Easter. I worked until 8pm, so I came home around 4:45pm to wait for Dad. I didn't want the babysitter to have to deal with Dad or his mother because they can be difficult. I waited until 5:30pm, and finally went back to work. I called Dad, and he was oblivious to his parenting time. I told him that he could come at 8:30pm to get him, and he did.

I went to pick our son up on Sunday, and stood outside calling & knocking for 17 minutes before Dad finally answered the phone. I finally got my son back @ 8:26. I guess our son was sleeping, and maybe Dad & his gf were too. I don't know. It was frustrating though.

So, the next day, Monday, Dad calls me around 11 in the morning & tells me that I need to give him $38.15 for the screen in his storm door. If I don't give it to him, he will sue me in court for the cost of the entire door, $300. I did break the screen years ago, when I was heading out the door I put my hand through the already damaged screen. It was an accident. I told him to take me to court because I wasn't giving him the money, and he said, "well maybe your personal property will get damaged & you'll have to pay for it". I asked him if that was a threat, and he said "take it however you want, maybe it is".
I hung up on him.

So today I was jogging. I've been jogging the same route for years, my ex knows this. Guess who's sitting in the park? My ex. I was definitely leary of him, but there were plenty of people around, so I spoke to him. He told me that he misses me & he still loves me and he wants to know if I would consider going to couples counseling.

I just stood there completely dumbfounded. I mean, this man filed a PFA against me, told the court I beat our son, that I'm CRAZY. The day before, he told me that he was taking me to court over $38.15. What am I supposed to SAY??

I honestly think the reason I had to stand outside his house for so long on Easter is because him and his gf were...you know! I can't deal with this man. He makes me so upset. This is extremely difficult. I love my son, but this is ridiculous. I tried to be nice, but it didn't come out very nice. I just said that I am single so why would I go to couples' counseling? And that his girlfriend might have trouble understanding why he would want to go to couples' counseling without HER. And that he filed a PFA against me, and said all that stuff about me to the court and to his entire family & people that we both know, and all the stuff I said to people that we both know, how could he even think that there's any going back? And then he asked me if I saw the moon the other night, and he asked me if I still think of him when I see the moon. I think that man is bat **** crazy. All i could do is stand there & stare at him.

I am not heartless, I LOVED that man at one time. I will always care for him. I want the BEST for him. But I can't even begin to entertain the thought of reconciliation. I am heartbroken that my son is growing up with parents who aren't together. But I do not & have no capacity to trust him. I feel like the counseling thing is just another ploy to trick me into doing something he can hold against me. I don't even know why I'm posting this here. I can't even tell anybody in real life he did that, because my family just hates him now, and they won't be able to understand that in a way, I think he has been causing all this trouble to get my attention, or something. I have no idea!

At any rate, I am following the order. I hope he does too. If he doesn't, I have to have patience. He's always been late & disorganized, and just because there's a court order doesn't mean that he's going to get better at being on time.

Once again (particularly now that I am beginning to think that your ex is not all there) you need to stick to the court orders. The next time you have to bang on his door for three hours to get your child back, then take him to court for contempt for not obeying the court orders.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Say after me: There is a reason he is my X. There is a reason he is my X.

I can guarantee that divorcing him will NOT magically make him a responsible parent.

 

[MichaCA]

Agree with others' advice. No matter what games this guy trying to play with you, keep focused on the best interests of your child (peace) and following the court order.

I would keep a log by your front door, or phone and always document if something out of the court order happened. He sounds like the kind of guy who would accuse you in court of denying him visitation (when he doesn't show up).

Personal - my attorney of 10 years - who has had quite a few lengthy interactions with myself and my ex - is always saying to me "he's still wanting to keep you pulled in, he's still wanting contact..." I thought she was nuts at first as he has taken me to court for everything and anything, is just acrimonous, hair-splitting...false (serious) accusations. In the end, I think the attorney is right. Some people thrive off of the drama, thats the only way they know how to resolve things. Then again, I could be way off