Dad moving--what happens to support and visitation

[luckymom]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

I'm the custodial parent of my 17 year old daughter. Divorce was in Texas but 8 years ago I relocated to Chicago with the approval of the Texas court. Since then my daughter has seen her father one weekend a month and for holidays. I pay for the cost of flying her to Texas. Recently, my ex told my daughter that he is moving to San Francisco in September because his wife has a job offer. He hasn't said anything to me, but I wonder what this means in terms of visitation and support. It takes about double the time to fly to SF over Dallas, so I am not sure it is do-able over the weekend. Also, would I be expected to cover the entire cost? My ex is now 64 so perhaps he's just retiring--does this effect support if he's retiring early to allow him to accompany his wife?

Thanks in advance.

 

[Antigone*]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

I'm the custodial parent of my 17 year old daughter. Divorce was in Texas but 8 years ago I relocated to Chicago with the approval of the Texas court. Since then my daughter has seen her father one weekend a month and for holidays. I pay for the cost of flying her to Texas. Recently, my ex told my daughter that he is moving to San Francisco in September because his wife has a job offer. He hasn't said anything to me, but I wonder what this means in terms of visitation and support. It takes about double the time to fly to SF over Dallas, so I am not sure it is do-able over the weekend. Also, would I be expected to cover the entire cost? My ex is now 64 so perhaps he's just retiring--does this effect support if he's retiring early to allow him to accompany his wife?

Thanks in advance.

The most I see you getting (if you file for a modification) is the difference in airfare. Why not just ask him for the difference and leave the court out of it. She is almost of age anyway.

 

[luckymom]

The most I see you getting (if you file for a modification) is the difference in airfare. Why not just ask him for the difference and leave the court out of it. She is almost of age anyway.

Trust me, I strongly want to handle this without going to court since there's less than a year to go, but it does seem like he should be communicating with me about what's going on. I need to dig out my court orders and take a look, but I think he's supposed to give me 30 days notice if he's moving.

 

[Antigone*]

Trust me, I strongly want to handle this without going to court since there's less than a year to go, but it does seem like he should be communicating with me about what's going on. I need to dig out my court orders and take a look, but I think he's supposed to give me 30 days notice if he's moving.

You are right. He should be communicating with you; however you cannot control that. What is stopping you from picking up the phone or sending an email?

 

[luckymom]

You are right. He should be communicating with you; however you cannot control that. What is stopping you from picking up the phone or sending an email?

Of course, I sent off an e-mail two weeks ago when I first learned of the move, asking about visitation, support, and health insurance (daughter is on his wife's policy), but I've received no answer. We don't talk on the phone, only e-mail so that there is a record of our communications. I'm happy to negotiate airfare and visitation, not happy at all if support is cut or daughter's health insurance lapses.

 

[Just Blue]

Of course, I sent off an e-mail two weeks ago when I first learned of the move, asking about visitation, support, and health insurance (daughter is on his wife's policy), but I've received no answer. We don't talk on the phone, only e-mail so that there is a record of our communications. I'm happy to negotiate airfare and visitation, not happy at all if support is cut or daughter's health insurance lapses.

Posting Hx**************...

 

[LdiJ]

Of course, I sent off an e-mail two weeks ago when I first learned of the move, asking about visitation, support, and health insurance (daughter is on his wife's policy), but I've received no answer. We don't talk on the phone, only e-mail so that there is a record of our communications. I'm happy to negotiate airfare and visitation, not happy at all if support is cut or daughter's health insurance lapses.

Do some checking a ssa.gov. I think that if someone retires and collects social security retirement benefits, that their minor children receive benefits as well...but I am not certain. Anyway, check it out.

As far as the rest of it goes, airfare, health insurance etc., that could be problematic since there is less than a year to go until she turns 18. You might want to check out what a private policy would cost (if she is your only child), because family coverage with your job might be higher than a private policy for one child. Unfortunately you might not get a court case heard and decided before she turns 18.

 

[CJane]

Do some checking a ssa.gov. I think that if someone retires and collects social security retirement benefits, that their minor children receive benefits as well...but I am not certain. Anyway, check it out.

As far as the rest of it goes, airfare, health insurance etc., that could be problematic since there is less than a year to go until she turns 18. You might want to check out what a private policy would cost (if she is your only child), because family coverage with your job might be higher than a private policy for one child. Unfortunately you might not get a court case heard and decided before she turns 18.

OH! You reminded me!

I was going to PM you this info, and promptly forgot.

Many states no longer offer "child only" policies. I was looking into one for Twain, since our new CS order requires both of us to cover him under "any policy available"... no more child-only policies in MO. At all. Each person would have to check and see if the agencies in their state have ceased to offer them as well.

 

[LdiJ]

OH! You reminded me!

I was going to PM you this info, and promptly forgot.

Many states no longer offer "child only" policies. I was looking into one for Twain, since our new CS order requires both of us to cover him under "any policy available"... no more child-only policies in MO. At all. Each person would have to check and see if the agencies in their state have ceased to offer them as well.

That is crazy...How do you insure a child if the parent's work does not provide insurance and the parent is uninsurable? I suppose that won't matter once Obamacare kicks in but its sure a problem now.

 

[CJane]

That is crazy...How do you insure a child if the parent's work does not provide insurance and the parent is uninsurable? I suppose that won't matter once Obamacare kicks in but its sure a problem now.

It's a gray area right now. And the state has yet to catch up. I make too much for Medicaid/State Plan, and so I have to provide not only what it would cost to insure Twain through my group plan, but ALSO three independent quotes. Which are impossible to get because you can't get independent insurance on a child. *shrug*

Right now, I remain thankful that he's healthy, and I know that if it came up in court, I couldn't be held in contempt since there's no insurance "available". But yeah, I can see it being a huge problem for other people.

 

[Antigone*]

Posting Hx**************...

What's with the siggy Blue???

 

[nextwife]

That is crazy...How do you insure a child if the parent's work does not provide insurance and the parent is uninsurable? I suppose that won't matter once Obamacare kicks in but its sure a problem now.

Or if the parent uses Medicare as their insurance? I get the coverage now through my work, but what if I were hit by a falling meteor, how would my husband insure our daughter, if one can't buy kid only health insurance?

BTW: I fly out of Chicago, and there are more deep discount air fares to San Francisco than Dallas. I've also flown my kiddo there unaccompanied to visit family. I don't find getting flights from Chicago to San Francisco to be any problem.

 

[CJane]

Or if the parent uses Medicare as their insurance? I get the coverage now through my work, but what if I were hit by a falling meteor, how would my husband insure our daughter, if one can't buy kid only health insurance?

I was as surprised as anyone when I found out.

Thankfully, I have an incredibly healthy child who has never NEEDED health insurance, and I have an FSA account that I pay into so that if he DOES have to go to the doctor (which has only happened 4 times in his life), I can pay for it with that.

I'd assume that if there's no insurance available, the state would pick up the child.

 

[luckymom]

Thanks for the responses. I was prompted to try contacting my ex again and this time I got a response about the insurance. He's going to give me the form I need (that states his coverage has ended) that will allow me to put our daughter on my insurance. He's also agreed to pay the cost of her monthly premium (he has to according to our court orders), so all is well on that front. He did not give me any response about child support or visitation, but I guess I won't worry about that for the time being. DD is going to visit him in August and she wants to discuss visitation with him--as a senior applying to colleges, she's busy and thinks monthly trips to SF will be overwhelming. Anyway, I am now 11 months out from finally being free from all legal ties to ex, so I'm going to try and keep things as free of drama as possible!

I was as surprised as anyone when I found out.

Thankfully, I have an incredibly healthy child who has never NEEDED health insurance, and I have an FSA account that I pay into so that if he DOES have to go to the doctor (which has only happened 4 times in his life), I can pay for it with that.

I'd assume that if there's no insurance available, the state would pick up the child.

 

[LdiJ]

Thanks for the responses. I was prompted to try contacting my ex again and this time I got a response about the insurance. He's going to give me the form I need (that states his coverage has ended) that will allow me to put our daughter on my insurance. He's also agreed to pay the cost of her monthly premium (he has to according to our court orders), so all is well on that front. He did not give me any response about child support or visitation, but I guess I won't worry about that for the time being. DD is going to visit him in August and she wants to discuss visitation with him--as a senior applying to colleges, she's busy and thinks monthly trips to SF will be overwhelming. Anyway, I am now 11 months out from finally being free from all legal ties to ex, so I'm going to try and keep things as free of drama as possible!

Most months during the school year have a three or four day weekend sometime in the month. If you could convince dad to utilize as many of those as possible, that might make it a bit less overwhelming.

September - labor day
October - Fall break on teacher's in service days
November - Thanksgiving...even if its your holiday this year let her fly out late thurs or early fri.
December - a week at Christmas (hopefully he doesn't get a weekend plus a week that month)
January - ****** Luther King Day
February - Presidents day
March/April - Offer him Spring break even if its not his turn...etc. You could definitely do some negotiating to maybe have him take a couple fewer visits in exchange for some longer ones.

You could also suggest that he pay for a ticket for her to get to him, and you cover a ticket for her to get to you, as a way to deal with the extra costs of flights. At least Chicago is a major hub and you should still be able to get direct flights.