Dad's Hospitalization Seems a Little Suspicious

[funnybabyboy200]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)PA

My ex and I have a custody order. He has adhered to it for the most part. We have a tremendous amount of conflict due to differences of opinion on our child's developmental support. He is a special needs child.

Friday my son's grandmother, my ex's mom, called me & told me that my ex was in the ICU, he wouldn't be taking our son for the weekend, and hung up without another word. There is a lot of conflict between Grandma & me. On Sunday, I called the hospital, & asked for my ex, they said he wasn't there. Grandma coincidentally texted me immediately there after, saying that whatever arrangements I made for my son this weekend I needed to continue because my ex wasn't going to take him for weeks. "Don't call".

I asked what was going on, she said he was in the hospital under a protective care order.

That's all I know.

I have primary custody, but I am concerned about the secrecy...I have had some concerns about his mental health in the past, & am wondering if that's what he's been admitted for, & why the hospital is saying he isn't there.

I've also considered that maybe he's laying on some Hawaiian beach, soaking up the sun.

Would it be unreasonable to request some sort of Dr.'s note saying that he's able to care for a 3 year old child before we go back to our regular custody schedule? Am I overstepping my bounds? Very hard to be objective!

 

[sandyclaus]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)PA

My ex and I have a custody order. He has adhered to it for the most part. We have a tremendous amount of conflict due to differences of opinion on our child's developmental support. He is a special needs child.

Friday my son's grandmother, my ex's mom, called me & told me that my ex was in the ICU, he wouldn't be taking our son for the weekend, and hung up without another word. There is a lot of conflict between Grandma & me. On Sunday, I called the hospital, & asked for my ex, they said he wasn't there. Grandma coincidentally texted me immediately there after, saying that whatever arrangements I made for my son this weekend I needed to continue because my ex wasn't going to take him for weeks. "Don't call".

I asked what was going on, she said he was in the hospital under a protective care order.

That's all I know.

I have primary custody, but I am concerned about the secrecy...I have had some concerns about his mental health in the past, & am wondering if that's what he's been admitted for, & why the hospital is saying he isn't there.

I've also considered that maybe he's laying on some Hawaiian beach, soaking up the sun.

Would it be unreasonable to request some sort of Dr.'s note saying that he's able to care for a 3 year old child before we go back to our regular custody schedule? Am I overstepping my bounds? Very hard to be objective!

YOU have no right to his private medical information because YOU are not related to him.

That being said, I think that your imagination may well be getting the better of you. Unless you have strong reason to believe that he is currently mentally unfit and hospitalized for inpatient mental care, that assumption sounds pretty far fetched. So is thinking that he might be having a Hawaiian vacation.

You have NO right to demand a doctor's note before he takes your child for his custodial visits unless you can get some kind of information that supports his inability to care for your child.

You'll just have to take grandma's word for why he is absent.

 

[justalayman]

Would it be unreasonable to request some sort of Dr.'s note saying that he's able to care for a 3 year old child before we go back to our regular custody schedule?

what do you mean: before you go back to your regular schedule?

You are still on your regular schedule only the father is not exercising his visitation rights.


You have no right to demand a Dr's note. You can ask for one and he can tell you to take a hike. The court is the only entity that could require it anyway. You would have to file a motion with the courts to address the issue.

Unless he has signed a HIPAA release allowing medical providers to disclose information to you, legally they cannot tell you he is there, if he is actually there.

What he is doing is not really any of your business. He is your ex.

 

[funnybabyboy200]

I think the open-endedness of grandma's statement is strange. I think the secrecy is strange. "Hey, I'm getting surgery. Hey, I had a car accident & I'm really messed up. Hey, I've opted for butt implants, gonna be MIA for a bit", instead of a last minute, cryptic call, followed by a cryptic text that doesn't match the information that I had.

Sure, it might not be illegal, but it certainly isn't conducive to a positive co-parenting relationship.

Thanks for your time.

 

[Ohiogal]

I think the open-endedness of grandma's statement is strange. I think the secrecy is strange. "Hey, I'm getting surgery. Hey, I had a car accident & I'm really messed up. Hey, I've opted for butt implants, gonna be MIA for a bit", instead of a last minute, cryptic call, followed by a cryptic text that doesn't match the information that I had.

Sure, it might not be illegal, but it certainly isn't conducive to a positive co-parenting relationship.

Thanks for your time.

You think it is strange? Really? Did you tell dad every second of you giving birth to the child -- his child? Did you let him know every detail? Or did you not even tell him until afterwards?

It is NOT your business. Your attitude is part of the problem of what is NJOT conducive to a co-parenting relationship -- you need to understand what is and what is NOT your business. THIS is NOT your business.

 

[Proserpina]

I think the open-endedness of grandma's statement is strange. I think the secrecy is strange. "Hey, I'm getting surgery. Hey, I had a car accident & I'm really messed up. Hey, I've opted for butt implants, gonna be MIA for a bit", instead of a last minute, cryptic call, followed by a cryptic text that doesn't match the information that I had.

Sure, it might not be illegal, but it certainly isn't conducive to a positive co-parenting relationship.

Thanks for your time.

Given that you admit to having a contentious relationship with both him and his mother (though his mother is irrelevant), are you honestly surprised that he didn't want to share whatever-it-is medical issue he may be having?

Colour me confused on that one.

 

[sandyclaus]

I think the open-endedness of grandma's statement is strange. I think the secrecy is strange. "Hey, I'm getting surgery. Hey, I had a car accident & I'm really messed up. Hey, I've opted for butt implants, gonna be MIA for a bit", instead of a last minute, cryptic call, followed by a cryptic text that doesn't match the information that I had.

Sure, it might not be illegal, but it certainly isn't conducive to a positive co-parenting relationship.

Thanks for your time.

What YOU seem to find necessarily relevant to your co-parenting relationship is pure, unadulterated, sticking-your-nose-where-it-doesn't-belong. All dad is obligated to relay to you is that he is unable to exercise his visitation time, justified by a medical issue. The DETAILS of that medical condition are neither relevant or pertinent to your co-parenting relationship.

What isn't conducive to a positive co-parenting relationship is one side having entitlement issues about things and knowledge of personal issues which are none of their frickin' business. Now that your personal relationship has ended, there is a limit to what you get to know about.

 

[wavehopper27]

Dad exercising his visitation is a right, not an obligation. Dad does not need to furnish you with any excuse. He could simply feel like not showing up and there's nothing you can say or do about it.

 

[Zigner]

All dad is obligated to relay to you is that he is unable to exercise his visitation time, justified by a medical issue.

Not quite - the dad has no obligation to "justify" it.

 

[Proserpina]

Not quite - the dad has no obligation to "justify" it.

Absodanglutely!

And y'know? When I was last hospitalized (which wasn't all that long ago), NOBODY had permission to even know I was in the hospital unless I specifically told them myself, or had my husband do so on my behalf.

Not. One. Other. Person.

 

[stealth2]

When I was hospitalized this past summer, I saw no need to tell my ex. I had it covered.

 

[sandyclaus]

Allow me to rephrase slightly, and clarify.

The OBLIGATION was to inform OP that he wouldn't be exercising his visitation. His justification for not exercising the visitation would be the medical excuse.

Just wanted to make sure that y'all realize, I was in no way implying that Dad had to justify anything, only that common courtesy would dictate that he provide SOME explanation of why he couldn't - hence the medical excuse.

That's all.

 

[funnybabyboy200]

Thanks for your opinions. I still believe that people who don't have anything to hide, don't hide anything. But uh, hey, that's just me.

Thanks again.