Daughter Wants Bio-dad

[nvr_ndng_btl]

What is the name of your state?georgia
My daughter was adopted by my husband after biological dad signed away his rights. Since then we have ran into each other on several occasions being we live in the same town. Well one day I spoke with him and he wanted to know if he could get to know her. She knew she was adopted because of my older daughter from a different relationship told her. So I decided to see if she wanted to get to know him and she said yes. We had a few meetings and then she started spending the night with him, well now she is telling me that she wants to go live with him, and I know its prob. just because he has money and a nice home and can give her everything she wants when I cant, (my husband and I just get by). So I know there is nothing that he can do as far as fight for her being he is not her legal father, but I dont want her to hate me for not letting her. My question is....if I can talk her out of wanting to live with him is there a certain age where she can say she does and there will be nothing I can do?

 

[justalayman]

Yes. That would be 18.

 

[nextwife]

She knew she was adopted because of my older daughter from a different relationship****************************...... now she is telling me that she wants to go live with him,

So your daughter had to learn from her SISTER instead of her parents that she was adopted?!?!?! Shame on you! We, in the adoption community, know what a really BAD message LYING about adoption sends. It's like saying it's a "bad thing" and needs to be kept secret. That it can't be spoken of. No child should be lied to about being adopted. Lying causes resentment. I have heard this ENDLESSLY from adult adoptees. No wonder your daughter is conflicted.

You all should go to therapy together, she also needs her own time with a therapist to work through a typical adoptee's sense of loss (like it or not, your daughter IS an adoptee as to her father).

Biodad is a legal stranger. You and hubby have all the legal responsibility, therefore all the legal right to tell her she MUST stay in YOUR household until she is an adult. If she wanted to move top a friend's parent's house, you'd tell her the same thing. It's NOT up to her. She is, legally, a child.

Period, end of story.

 

[justalayman]

. She is, legally, a child.

Period, end of story.

I won't get into the not telling thing 'cuz I've never been thre and won't judge but there is ONE thing I would like to change from nextwife

She is, legally, a child. this should read


She is, legally, YOUR child.