Daycare $$

[basylica]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? texas

Rescheduled court date for tomorrow now - originally he was ordered to pay 1st, 3rd, 5th weeks of daycare (600-900mth) during temp orders and that was it. judge said he would have ordered more, but ex makes 1600/mth (he lied and said he made 42K under oath tho)

during mediation they offered standard 25% for two kids.

Is texas a state I can get daycare money too?
he was supposed to start paying april 10th, 540/mth for CS.
daycare alone is 1300/mth and yes....it's the cheapest I've been able to find at this point. center-wise anyway. Plus, it's the daycare we'd been using for 3 years and didn't want additional changes if I could help it.

He hasn't paid a dime, did a song and dance with lawyer, got out of his oct court date, going back tomorrow to hopefully finalize this two year ordeal and get the judge to slap him for not paying CS.....like....ever technically.
he stopped paying daycare and hasn't made any efforts to pay CS.

I see a lot of talk about daycare in addition to CS, and if the kids were in school I wouldn't worry about it so much, but at this point he's dragging me to court, costing me thousands in legal fees, running up CC bills....
and i'm left to handle all the bills, expenses, house, daycare...and so forth on my own while he's living with his parents and having them pay for all his expenses.

Makes me angry he's making his children go without because he wants to be a jerk I guess?

at this point, it's not about the money so much as the point.....i'm done with him walking all over me, and if money is one way to make my point....I will.
he's obviously not suffering, I'm doing my best to make sure the children dont either.

Does anyone know what Tx law allows?

 

[CJane]

I don't know if TX takes into account child care expenses... I'd be shocked if they didn't.

However, I DO know that if he's determined not to pay, there's nothing you can do to make him pay. Best to figure out how to live w/out the child support, and if you get it, be thankful.

 

[basylica]

I can do ok without it. I'd be happy to pay him to go away, but having him throw it in my face and tell my little babies (5 and 2) that he should have custody and i'm a bad mother....just burns me! lol.

tx isn't laid back abt CS tho, you are 90 days late and looking at jailtime. he's 8m not a cent paid from day one.

if we get infront of the judge tomorrow, I'm thinking it won't be pretty.
thats what I am hoping for most of all!

 

[Ohiogal]

I can do ok without it. I'd be happy to pay him to go away, but having him throw it in my face and tell my little babies (5 and 2) that he should have custody and i'm a bad mother....just burns me! lol.

tx isn't laid back abt CS tho, you are 90 days late and looking at jailtime. he's 8m not a cent paid from day one.

if we get infront of the judge tomorrow, I'm thinking it won't be pretty.
thats what I am hoping for most of all!

You see NOTHING wrong with the bolded? I bet it burns him that you want him out of the picture so much.

 

[respectthedad]

dido...

 

[basylica]

I'm completely aware that this is (however unfortunate) the man I chose to have children with, and he is and will always be their only father.
They have every right to know and spend time with their father, without a doubt.

It does not however change my feelings on the matter that he's playing dutiful dad because he's mad at me and living with his folks. That he's using my kids as pawns, and is and has been as long as I have known him more like a surley 12yr old boy than a adult.
That he cares more about dragging me to court to run me out of money and withholding support to see me suffer than he cares about his children suffering.

*I* would just as soon pay him to get rid of him than take his money and deal with him any longer. I'm not saying it's what is best for the kids, nor right....just how I feel.
And no, I haven't said this to him. I try to say as little possible to him.

I'm sure there are people who are much worse, but it's still the same BS in slightly different context that I dealt with in my marriage. It stinks, but I guess I picked him and I have to deal with the consequences.
atleast I have two of the most beautiful children out of it, even if I did ALL the work there too

It only bothers me because it hurts my kids. I'm never angry when people hurt me, but I can go quite off the other end when someone hurts someone I love. Seeing my kids suffering in ways....I'm not sure having a father in their lives is worth the suffering they endure because of it.

I just hope that I can be extra loving and parental to offset any of the bad stuff, because it was my mistake, not theirs.

 

[Ohiogal]

I'm completely aware that this is (however unfortunate) the man I chose to have children with, and he is and will always be their only father.
They have every right to know and spend time with their father, without a doubt.

It does not however change my feelings on the matter that he's playing dutiful dad because he's mad at me and living with his folks. That he's using my kids as pawns, and is and has been as long as I have known him more like a surley 12yr old boy than a adult.
That he cares more about dragging me to court to run me out of money and withholding support to see me suffer than he cares about his children suffering.

*I* would just as soon pay him to get rid of him than take his money and deal with him any longer. I'm not saying it's what is best for the kids, nor right....just how I feel.
And no, I haven't said this to him. I try to say as little possible to him.

I'm sure there are people who are much worse, but it's still the same BS in slightly different context that I dealt with in my marriage. It stinks, but I guess I picked him and I have to deal with the consequences.
atleast I have two of the most beautiful children out of it, even if I did ALL the work there too

It only bothers me because it hurts my kids. I'm never angry when people hurt me, but I can go quite off the other end when someone hurts someone I love. Seeing my kids suffering in ways....I'm not sure having a father in their lives is worth the suffering they endure because of it.

I just hope that I can be extra loving and parental to offset any of the bad stuff, because it was my mistake, not theirs.

Be aware of something else -- YOU CONTRIBUTE to your children's suffering. Seriously. This is what I posted a thread about in custody -- a mother who was hurting her daughter by doing what was in the child's best interest -- according to her. it takes two.

 

[basylica]

Being a child of divorce myself (I was 9, my sister was 6, my brother 2) and having to deal with quite a lot of ugliness - I've done my best thus far to minimize as much impact on the kids as possible. I think perhaps it's better in some ways they are so young, they can't idealize "when mommy and daddy lived together life was sooo much better" because neither can really remember.

I do my best to make sure each day they see their dad being excited and saying "guess what? you guys are seeing daddy today! and i'll pick you up tomorrow/monday...so have fun! be good!" etc.

When the kids say things, I try and minimize the impact there. when my older son came home saying "mommy, you a bad lady! you stole daddy's money. my daddy kick your car!"
I tried to ignore the comment, but he persisted, to which I said "honey, sometimes grownups argue too. Daddy thinks I did something wrong, but we should never ever kick or hit, right?"

because he saw my ex chase me to my car and kick and punch trying to break windows in the parking lot a few weeks prior and my guess is the ex kept bringing it up.....as he'd come back from each visit armed with the statement above...yet again

I never talk about my ex infront of the kids, def not on the "I wish he'd just go away" level. only when they are asleep and i'm outside where they can't hear. and I don't hate him with venom like most people seem to....I just want him to go away.

I am constantly being dragged back to court by ex, playing games keeping clothes etc. I've never done that to him, nor do I mention it in the company of my children.

my ex had 30 days in summer of 08. I waited like 4-5 days before calling. They were quite small, but I don't want to call too much and stress them about missing me or anything. Trying to walk a fine line. He ignored my call.
I called EVERY SINGLE DAY the entire rest of the month, usually just 1x a day leaving messages of "hi, it's me....calling to talk to my boys...call me back"
entire month went by. didn't talk to them. he refused to give me my court appointed weekend....etc.

Everytime he misses a visitation date due to holiday schedules, such as thanksgiving last year I took the kids to chicago to see my family (to which he decided to tell my kids he was going to have mommy thrown in jail. Eventho I was well within my rights...he decided the "cannot remove the kids from the state" applied to this situation and didn't read the "for the purposes of changing their location perm" part....*eyeroll*) he missed his normal thursday overnight. thursday morning I CALLED HIM, twice....to make sure the kids could say hi and happy thanks.

I called 3x on XMAS day (after like 3pm...didn't want to interrupt gift time) since he had them....to no avail.
I had them on easter, and around 11 after we did our easter eggs and played outside with our bubbles, I called him once again to make sure he got to say hi....

list goes on.
I could care less about him, but it's not fair to the kids....they shouldn't hear stuff like "I'm sending mommy to jail" and "your mom steals all my money" and other choice things i've heard parroted back.
Or when he calls me during his visits with the kids and I can hear them in the background and he launches into how i'm a psychotic B-word, and even says "here, come talk to your ______ mother" (insert any word, i've been called them all) and I won't take his non-kid related calls while the children are around. I won't even let them know its him...I just say "this isn't something I can talk around right now. I can call you later" and if he refuses (which he often does) I just hang up. not going to allow kids to listen to petty bickering on either party's side....if he starts in on me and I can hear the kids at his house, I generally excuse myself and hang up as well....altho I always worry this will set him off about me infront of the kids more than it was before


I certainly wouldn't even TELL the kids I went to court, let alone bring them with. I don't care what i'd have to do....i'd find someone to watch them.
lame parenting on the part of the mother, IMHO

 

[basylica]

I'm totally open for suggestions btw...I always put the kids first, or try to (it's more a bad habit than a effort in my case... )

I remember my stepdad bellowing "it's BOZO!" whenever my dad called for his tuesday night @ 7pm calls he was scheduled for. making it difficult to be happy AT ALL to talk to my father, dealing with glaring stares while doing so....until it was give up my dad or suffer where I lived 80% of the time

I don't want my kids to feel that way, but I can only really control what happens here. my ex is def off his nut.

This is the man who showered once every 2 weeks, still had the same tube of toothpaste after 3.5yrs, didn't wear deo, was 330lbs in texas, didn't lift a finger at home to help (I did all the cooking, cleaning, child rearing, bill paying, mowing, trash, etc as well as bring home most of the bacon) refused to uh..."perform his husbandly duties" (which believe me, when he hit the 2 weeks without showers stage, wasn't really a complaint anymore) and just laid around in his underwear and screamed at the kids if they got in the way of his anime or video game playing.
he DID work, but he's worked there 10+ years and it's the sort of job they expect you to stay for 6-12m tops, and he puts in about the same ammt of effort as he did around the house. he shows up, and goes home.

Towards the end I was grouchy, who wouldn't be?
and honestly, life is SOOOO much easier without him, I feel like a new woman (thus making me a much happier healthier mom!)
but I did try hard, doing whatever I thought I could to make the marriage work. wether this was right or wrong, who knows.....he didn't put in enough effort to even tell me.
he told the therapist that "She used to be happy. I think she has postpartum depression (baby was 1yr old) and you should give her drugs..." as his answer to all my complaints and his "i'm happy....I wish she'd stop being so tired and grouchy all the time"

He now blames me for shattering his fantasy, because he thought the marriage was great the entire time til I was done. HE left me and took off with my kids and I didn't know where my babies were for 5 days.
He blames me that he lives with his mom and dad now, and they are supporting him allowing him to continue his wild spending on video games and books and nothing else, eventhough I was ordered to take the house because he couldn't pay for it. I didn't want it.
He blames me for all his misery now.....and sadly this is the most effort i've seen him exert in 10 years.
if he'd tried 10% as hard at being married to me, we would have lasted several more years

It's difficult though, since i'm not at all angry about the divorce. best thing thats happened to be apart from my kiddos. sadly enough.
I'm upset at the drama he's causing when there is absolutely no need under the guise of doing it "for the kids best interest" because he still thinks he should have custody of them and I only get visitation.
Eventho....he can't even bathe himself.....

I just wish he'd grow up or go away....which is oddly enough, my mental state during the marriage. lol.
I picked him though....just had no idea i'd be in for 15 years more of this torture. heh.
I'm finding out recently more than ever that I have entirely too much faith in humanity as a whole, and seemingly a bad judge of character in general. People I never thought in a million years would do X....are doing exactally X.
I never thought my ex would ever touch me....I ended up in a wall with a concussion....etc.

Oh well....what does not kill us, makes us stronger

I was being honest however about the advice though....my mom isn't exactally the best resource of advice on keeping divorce drama at the min....and I am only doing the best I know how.