Desperate and losing her child to her x-husband who is an addict

[reniebean]

My sister-in-law is in desperate need for somebody's help or advice. We are both sitting here trying to figure out what she can do with her problem. If someone out there can help us we would be so grateful from the bottom of our hearts.
She was married for 10 years to a very abbusive husband who is an alcoholic and a drug addict. They have a 13 year old son together. She left him 5 years ago and has been supporting herself and her son ever since. She barely makes enough to pay for heat or the small apartment they have.
The x-husband hasn't paid child support yet. The court order is allowing the child to have vistation every other weekend. He is always drunk when he picks him up and makes a huge scene in front of the child. We know he works under the table and makes a good income. He lives with his aging mother who is mentally unstable. THe child insist he wants to see his father and demands to see him. THe child is subjected to booze and drugs while in the fathers care.
My sister-in-law is trying everything to have a normal life for her son. She signed him up for boyscouts and basketball trying to better his life. The child enjoys doing these activities and his self esteem is getting better. The only thing is the father refuses to take the boy to the games on his weekends. The child has no other choice but lie to his mother and tell her he was there. The father gets him to lie to her about everything.
We have no money for a lawyer and we have no other choice but to put up with this abbuse. She is litterally going crazy and is ready to give up on everything. I keep her hope up being a friend and a good support. I feel so bad for her. The boy has so much to offer life. He really is a good kid, but when he gets back from his father he is a completely different person. It takes my sister-in-law 3 days to get him back on track, and then it happens all over again.
Please someone out there help us figure this out. What options do we have. We would be so grateful for any advice. This boys life will be done for if we don't do something. Please pray for us.

 

[AngelKissedMom]

My sister-in-law is in desperate need for somebody's help or advice. We are both sitting here trying to figure out what she can do with her problem. If someone out there can help us we would be so grateful from the bottom of our hearts.
She was married for 10 years to a very abbusive husband who is an alcoholic and a drug addict. They have a 13 year old son together. She left him 5 years ago and has been supporting herself and her son ever since. She barely makes enough to pay for heat or the small apartment they have.
The x-husband hasn't paid child support yet. The court order is allowing the child to have vistation every other weekend. He is always drunk when he picks him up and makes a huge scene in front of the child. We know he works under the table and makes a good income. He lives with his aging mother who is mentally unstable. THe child insist he wants to see his father and demands to see him. THe child is subjected to booze and drugs while in the fathers care.
My sister-in-law is trying everything to have a normal life for her son. She signed him up for boyscouts and basketball trying to better his life. The child enjoys doing these activities and his self esteem is getting better. The only thing is the father refuses to take the boy to the games on his weekends. The child has no other choice but lie to his mother and tell her he was there. The father gets him to lie to her about everything.
We have no money for a lawyer and we have no other choice but to put up with this abbuse. She is litterally going crazy and is ready to give up on everything. I keep her hope up being a friend and a good support. I feel so bad for her. The boy has so much to offer life. He really is a good kid, but when he gets back from his father he is a completely different person. It takes my sister-in-law 3 days to get him back on track, and then it happens all over again.
Please someone out there help us figure this out. What options do we have. We would be so grateful for any advice. This boys life will be done for if we don't do something. Please pray for us.

Hi, first suggestion is for you to repost this on the Child Custody and Support Board....just scroll down a bit further on the forums list. There are alot more people there to offer help. Secondly, I am in a battle with a soon to be Ex husband whom is an alcoholic also. My first piece of advice is for your sister-in-law to not get overwhelmed. A clear head is called for so take a deep breath, say a prayer for strength, direction, protection and guidance each and everyday. Secondly, realize that she has the power to accomplish alot on her own, it won't always be easy, but never forget, she has been through the worst already, living with an alcoholic is no easy picnic. Now, first order of business would be to go and get a journal of some type, even a cheap notebook and begin to DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT. Make a habit of this. Start writing down each date and time the child is picked up and returned. The condition of the former spouse on those occasions (what did he appear like, did he smell like booze, etc etc) anything that was said to anyone. Also note the childs behavior before and after visits. Basically this is a detailed record of what is happening and can be used in Court to substantiate her claims. Try to have witnesses around that would be willing to testify as to his demeanor and behavior, this would be cooberating her claims. Also keep a running tally of the support...EXACTLY how much is owed. You may want to not inform the son of anything she is doing as he may unwittingly become his fathers information source. She can also check out her local Health Dept for counseling for the child. This is usually done on an ability to pay basis and may be no fee or a nominal charge for her. It is here she can document the effects on and receive help for her son. Consider finding and taking him to local Children of Alcoholics (COA) meetings. You can find their times and locations through your local AA chapters. This will help the boy to understand and see what is happening to him and to realize that he is not alone. There are many things she can do on her own merit without an attorney. See if a local law school student would be willing to help for the experience. Call any and all local service organizations. Try womens shelters, tell them the situation and see if they have any contacts and advice. She does NOT have to tolerate this. STOP being his victim and FIGHT BACK for her child! It isnt always easy and can be ever so frustrating at times but she CAN accomplish things. At times I feel so hopeless and in despair and feel like throwing in the towel....but I love my son with all my heart and even if I fail I want him to know that his mother went down swinging for him. I want him to KNOW his mother found his safety and well being worth fighting for.