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slb
Guest
I live in Md., divorced 10 years and am the custodial parent of two teenage boys who visit their father on alternating weekends. I have a problem with my ex-husband's wife. For the past 10 years I have received letters from her on avg. of 3 times a week. These letters are handwritten, 3 to 5 pages long (front and back), difficult to read, and even harder to understand. In these letters she forbids me from contacting my children's father for any matter what so ever, from contacting the children on “her days”, accuses me of all sorts of things, which are not true, verbally attacks me as a person and a parent; demeans me to my children; and on and on and on.
I have little, if any, communication with my ex (his choice). When I have tried talking to my ex in the past about his wife’s behavior he claims she can do what she wants. This woman calls my home constantly leaving rambling messages to the boys and “slap on the wrist” comments to me. She tells me to not call her home, that only the boys are allowed to call. When the boys do call she curses at them and/or hangs up on them. As a result they ask me to call because they don’t want to communicate with her. When they tell their father, she denies it and says I am making the boys lie about her, and naturally he believes her. My ex insists I only contact him via letter and I can only call him in the event of an emergency. This is ridiculous because issues come up on a regular basis that cannot wait for a response via letter. Thank goodness it’s in my divorce agreement that I make final decision after reasonable attempts to contact him. Now I make one attempt via phone. They have my phone number blocked so my ex has missed out on numerous opportunities involving the boys, but yet lectures them for not contacting him when he hears of something he has missed.
I have talked to my sons and although they literally hate their stepmother, they love their father and don’t want to stop going to his home, although they wish she wasn’t there. My youngest son recently completed a year of therapy for anger management, which resulted from the treatment of his stepmother towards him, and his belief his father hated him. He is doing much better, but when his father was told of the anger management therapy (not the cause) he was not supportive and belittled both my son and I. I have never said a bad word to the boys about their father. I don’t say anything negative about the stepmother since her actions have done that for me. Unfortunately, they have read some of her letters (in Christmas cards no less) and are appalled by her treatment towards me. When they try to defend me to her she yells at them and tells them all sorts of stories and lies about me. She is definitely trying to turn them against me. Their father just sits there and doesn’t say anything. She has told them stories about me that she would only know because my ex told her. As a result I have been forced to talk to my sons about things that I either didn’t want them to know, or wasn’t ready to tell them. All of this also gets referenced in a negative manner to me in her letters.
What can I do? I try to ignore it, but when it affects my sons I get frustrated and angry. The only times I have ever written her was by Certified letter telling her to stop writing me. I have saved every letter ever written to me. I have told both her and my ex that if my ex has any issues with me regarding the boys then I will only communicate with him. Naturally he never has. Why should he, I do all the work. He has never done any of the day to day parenting for them that I have.
We have tried court ordered mediation (my request) twice, which only resulted in failure. We would make compromises and he would make promises only for him to change his mind the minute we were out the office door.
The last ten years I have done my best to deal with the situation as it is. I have reared my sons to be bright, well mannered, and well behaved young men (most of the time), with little help from their father and obvious opposition from their stepmother. It hasn’t been easy and my sons know I am far from perfect, but we are definitely a loving, and happy family.
I am sorry this is so long but I wanted to give you an idea as to what I am experiencing. Believe me, I could write several novels and still not cover the half of it. I have been giving thought to applying for a restraining order against the stepmother to stop calling me anywhere, anytime, except in the event of a real emergency (she called my workplace so often that I had the HR dept write her a letter telling her to stop), and to stop writing myself and the children.
A quick note, even though child support is handled through the courts, my ex still has to send me money every month for four years, which covers lawyer fees from a divorce amendment made two years ago. She has made it quite clear that she pays the bills and has taken it upon herself to handle my ex’s responsibilities as well. Even though our amended agreement states communication is to be between my ex and myself only, she feels she has the right to write me these letters, sending the money at the very last minute (the day before the 30 day late grace period), and acting on behalf of her husband.
What are my rights? What are the rights of my sons? Can I get a restraining order against her? Can I sue her for mental anguish? I just want it to stop.
Any advice you can provide me is greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
I have little, if any, communication with my ex (his choice). When I have tried talking to my ex in the past about his wife’s behavior he claims she can do what she wants. This woman calls my home constantly leaving rambling messages to the boys and “slap on the wrist” comments to me. She tells me to not call her home, that only the boys are allowed to call. When the boys do call she curses at them and/or hangs up on them. As a result they ask me to call because they don’t want to communicate with her. When they tell their father, she denies it and says I am making the boys lie about her, and naturally he believes her. My ex insists I only contact him via letter and I can only call him in the event of an emergency. This is ridiculous because issues come up on a regular basis that cannot wait for a response via letter. Thank goodness it’s in my divorce agreement that I make final decision after reasonable attempts to contact him. Now I make one attempt via phone. They have my phone number blocked so my ex has missed out on numerous opportunities involving the boys, but yet lectures them for not contacting him when he hears of something he has missed.
I have talked to my sons and although they literally hate their stepmother, they love their father and don’t want to stop going to his home, although they wish she wasn’t there. My youngest son recently completed a year of therapy for anger management, which resulted from the treatment of his stepmother towards him, and his belief his father hated him. He is doing much better, but when his father was told of the anger management therapy (not the cause) he was not supportive and belittled both my son and I. I have never said a bad word to the boys about their father. I don’t say anything negative about the stepmother since her actions have done that for me. Unfortunately, they have read some of her letters (in Christmas cards no less) and are appalled by her treatment towards me. When they try to defend me to her she yells at them and tells them all sorts of stories and lies about me. She is definitely trying to turn them against me. Their father just sits there and doesn’t say anything. She has told them stories about me that she would only know because my ex told her. As a result I have been forced to talk to my sons about things that I either didn’t want them to know, or wasn’t ready to tell them. All of this also gets referenced in a negative manner to me in her letters.
What can I do? I try to ignore it, but when it affects my sons I get frustrated and angry. The only times I have ever written her was by Certified letter telling her to stop writing me. I have saved every letter ever written to me. I have told both her and my ex that if my ex has any issues with me regarding the boys then I will only communicate with him. Naturally he never has. Why should he, I do all the work. He has never done any of the day to day parenting for them that I have.
We have tried court ordered mediation (my request) twice, which only resulted in failure. We would make compromises and he would make promises only for him to change his mind the minute we were out the office door.
The last ten years I have done my best to deal with the situation as it is. I have reared my sons to be bright, well mannered, and well behaved young men (most of the time), with little help from their father and obvious opposition from their stepmother. It hasn’t been easy and my sons know I am far from perfect, but we are definitely a loving, and happy family.
I am sorry this is so long but I wanted to give you an idea as to what I am experiencing. Believe me, I could write several novels and still not cover the half of it. I have been giving thought to applying for a restraining order against the stepmother to stop calling me anywhere, anytime, except in the event of a real emergency (she called my workplace so often that I had the HR dept write her a letter telling her to stop), and to stop writing myself and the children.
A quick note, even though child support is handled through the courts, my ex still has to send me money every month for four years, which covers lawyer fees from a divorce amendment made two years ago. She has made it quite clear that she pays the bills and has taken it upon herself to handle my ex’s responsibilities as well. Even though our amended agreement states communication is to be between my ex and myself only, she feels she has the right to write me these letters, sending the money at the very last minute (the day before the 30 day late grace period), and acting on behalf of her husband.
What are my rights? What are the rights of my sons? Can I get a restraining order against her? Can I sue her for mental anguish? I just want it to stop.
Any advice you can provide me is greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
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