divorce? annulment?spousal support?

[babegirl]

What is the name of your state? We live in Arkansas,though i originally lived and owned my home alone in Texas(rented it out 2 years ago to move in w/ him.)Left a GOOd job of 9 years(Nursing),had major back surgery..and he begged me to join him and his 2 kids(now 12 and 18)and become a wife and mother.Didnt marry till less than 2 months ago(March 3rd) due to emergency custody of the 12 year old(he's always had the older one.)He has a VERY bad temper and drinks .I have moved ALL of my things into our rental home,and he now is claiming he wants to move himself(and the kids?) into a mobile home he owns."We shouldnt be together right now" and is pushing to leave the state.I cant find employment here that will pay for my new car payment (he insisted i buy affter the one i had got totalled.-gave in....tired of argueing about it).and all my other bills,plus a new place,movers,etc...(I also still have herniated discs in my neck and back,no health insurance since joining him.)Plus, he states he is moving into the trailor to save expenses....dont know where that leaves me(We did break up last Summer and i stayed w/ Mom in Texas for a few months-What an IDIOT to have come back!-guess he thinks ill just go back to her-I am NOT a teenager anymore!
Advice please?

 

[BelizeBreeze]

What an IDIOT to have come back!-guess he thinks ill just go back to her-I am NOT a teenager anymore!
Advice please?

Quit acting like a teenager then.

The ONLY thing that matters is the length of the marriage. And since you have only been married for 2.5 months, forget about spousal support. File for divorce and grow up.

 

[djohnson]

Quit acting like a teenager then.

The ONLY thing that matters is the length of the marriage. And since you have only been married for 2.5 months, forget about spousal support. File for divorce and grow up.

Agreed, but want to add that this is all something you should have thought about before giving everything up and no marriage. You have nothing except a right to look for a job.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? We live in Arkansas,though i originally lived and owned my home alone in Texas(rented it out 2 years ago to move in w/ him.)Left a GOOd job of 9 years(Nursing),had major back surgery..and he begged me to join him and his 2 kids(now 12 and 18)and become a wife and mother.Didnt marry till less than 2 months ago(March 3rd) due to emergency custody of the 12 year old(he's always had the older one.)He has a VERY bad temper and drinks .I have moved ALL of my things into our rental home,and he now is claiming he wants to move himself(and the kids?) into a mobile home he owns."We shouldnt be together right now" and is pushing to leave the state.I cant find employment here that will pay for my new car payment (he insisted i buy affter the one i had got totalled.-gave in....tired of argueing about it).and all my other bills,plus a new place,movers,etc...(I also still have herniated discs in my neck and back,no health insurance since joining him.)Plus, he states he is moving into the trailor to save expenses....dont know where that leaves me(We did break up last Summer and i stayed w/ Mom in Texas for a few months-What an IDIOT to have come back!-guess he thinks ill just go back to her-I am NOT a teenager anymore!
Advice please?

It looks like you are going to have to move back in with mom again until you can take back possession of the home that you own in Texas and can get your financial life in order. Its sad that you have to do that...but its probably your only choice. Can your mom help you with the movers?

 

[babegirl]

thanks

Agreed, but want to add that this is all something you should have thought about before giving everything up and no marriage. You have nothing except a right to look for a job.

I realize that the situation is juvenile.I did not give everything up w/ no marriage plans,we were engaged(ring and date).When wew broke last summer,and eventually re-united,we offset that date.There were no minor children in the home then.I understand i will need a job(this is not me trying to milk him...he has kids that i love very much,i just know how hard it will be for me(both financially and emotionally) to start over(ESPECAILLY in the first few months!) I think I get your point,though.Most importantly,I am not the person demanding a divorce...he is.Admittedly has a hatred to Women,"theyre ALL *******
(though i have been a very loving wife and mother.

 

[babegirl]

It looks like you are going to have to move back in with mom again until you can take back possession of the home that you own in Texas and can get your financial life in order. Its sad that you have to do that...but its probably your only choice. Can your mom help you with the movers?

Unfortunately,she is retired and on a fixed income(not to mention the embarrasment i would feel!) i was raised to work HARD all my life,and take care of myself....i am 35,never been married before,....

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Unfortunately,she is retired and on a fixed income(not to mention the embarrasment i would feel!) i was raised to work HARD all my life,and take care of myself....i am 35,never been married before,....

At 35 you should have gained some insight into human behavior. And from your responses here, you continue in the hopes that you can find someone to assume responsibility for your own actions.

This is a legal site, NOT Dr. Phil. You have nothing except what you came into the marriage with.

 

[babegirl]

At 35 you should have gained some insight into human behavior. And from your responses here, you continue in the hopes that you can find someone to assume responsibility for your own actions.

This is a legal site, NOT Dr. Phil. You have nothing except what you came into the marriage with.

No.I just realize how the childrens' lives will be affected(and cant seem to let go of that!)...ultimately,you are right...but,cant seem to let go of what is spiritual...they REALLY love me,and i love them...The biological Mother has FAILED SO badly that i think my husband now "transfers " his aggressions on me(unconciously).And he recognizes it at some points????Nonetheless,my attitude is to fight together,stay strong as a NEW family unit,and start over....But,if he threatens divorce in times of stress(and we have MANY,w/ emergency custody and a kid w/ failing grades and habits that run WILD),i only need to know,if my dreams of a happy marraige fail,do we qualify for divorce,or annulment?(If he pushes so hard)and WHAT if any are my rights?
Signed,NOT the person you are thinking I am

 

[LdiJ]

No.I just realize how the childrens' lives will be affected(and cant seem to let go of that!)...ultimately,you are right...but,cant seem to let go of what is spiritual...they REALLY love me,and i love them...The biological Mother has FAILED SO badly that i think my husband now "transfers " his aggressions on me(unconciously).And he recognizes it at some points????Nonetheless,my attitude is to fight together,stay strong as a NEW family unit,and start over....But,if he threatens divorce in times of stress(and we have MANY,w/ emergency custody and a kid w/ failing grades and habits that run WILD),i only need to know,if my dreams of a happy marraige fail,do we qualify for divorce,or annulment?(If he pushes so hard)and WHAT if any are my rights?
Signed,NOT the person you are thinking I am

It would be a divorce. An annulment is much harder to get and more expensive as a result, anyway.

 

[babegirl]

It would be a divorce. An annulment is much harder to get and more expensive as a result, anyway.

Why is an annulment harder?And how much more expensive?If this man married me,for the wrong reasons..I dont want to have to say i have been married once before(to a future mate)?If i put myself through all of this,after only a month of marriage,In the long term,shouldnt i seek annulment?
I respect your advice TREMENDOUSLY(you seem to get right to the point,thanx!I just wish this werent so!
I am broke now,but i wont be forever,just want to make good decisions.If he threatens to file,i could probably ask for annulment instead,thats why i ask.

 

[cyana24]

An annulment requires very specific grounds, that's why annulments are more complicated and expensive. Some of the grounds include (in plain English - not "legalese" 1) Spouse was underage (you're not and I would assume he's not) 2) One of the parties was still in a legal marriage 3) Spouse was coherced into marriage by force or fraud.

Get a divorce - it should be fairly easy to do Pro Se with no joint assets or children of the marriage. You can probably get the appropriate forms from the Chancery Court in your district. I don't what the filing fee is in Arkansaw. You also might have to be resident of the state for 60 days and "no fault" divorce requires a voluntary separation for 18 months. See http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelaws/arkansas.shtml. Make sure you open no joint accounts with him.

You could move back to Texas but Texas requires a separation of three years for "no fault", plus TX is a community property state, but since your home (do you still own it?) is premarital property you should be okay.

Who's name is on the Rental home lease? What state does your mother live in? Can you sell the new car and buy a car that you can pay cash for?

 

[babegirl]

An annulment requires very specific grounds, that's why annulments are more complicated and expensive. Some of the grounds include (in plain English - not "legalese" 1) Spouse was underage (you're not and I would assume he's not) 2) One of the parties was still in a legal marriage 3) Spouse was coherced into marriage by force or fraud.

Get a divorce - it should be fairly easy to do Pro Se with no joint assets or children of the marriage. You can probably get the appropriate forms from the Chancery Court in your district. I don't what the filing fee is in Arkansaw. You also might have to be resident of the state for 60 days and "no fault" divorce requires a voluntary separation for 18 months. See http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelaws/arkansas.shtml. Make sure you open no joint accounts with him.

You could move back to Texas but Texas requires a separation of three years for "no fault", plus TX is a community property state, but since your home (do you still own it?) is premarital property you should be okay.

Who's name is on the Rental home lease? What state does your mother live in? Can you sell the new car and buy a car that you can pay cash for?

NO accounts are w/ him,and my MOm lives in ARkansas.(bordering Texas)I do still own my property alone.I can sell the car(and run the risk of a "beater",which i will obviously HAVE to do.(i can make $2,000 off my car,less than what insurance co. gave me when the old one was totalled by his son. ($4,000).I will gain employment in Arkansas,and have lived here more than six months(can be proved).all retirement accounts are still in my name as a single person.
He is currently "backtracking" his threats,but i want to be prepared,should this come up again(as i see it likely to)...also,wouldnt the fact that i would be thrown out of the home when emergency custody was sought of his daughter(against my knowledge?) be cohersion of marriage by force?Just wondering? Will check out the website you recomend next!
Thanx so much!

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

NO accounts are w/ him,and my MOm lives in ARkansas.(bordering Texas)I do still own my property alone.I can sell the car(and run the risk of a "beater",which i will obviously HAVE to do.(i can make $2,000 off my car,less than what insurance co. gave me when the old one was totalled by his son. ($4,000).I will gain employment in Arkansas,and have lived here more than six months(can be proved).all retirement accounts are still in my name as a single person.
He is currently "backtracking" his threats,but i want to be prepared,should this come up again(as i see it likely to)...also,wouldnt the fact that i would be thrown out of the home when emergency custody was sought of his daughter(against my knowledge?) be cohersion of marriage by force?Why would you be thrown out because of custody of his daughter? Your married, unless the court tells you to move out, you live there period.

You have been given great advice, but you seem to want to milk this site for more.Just wondering?

 

[babegirl]

NO accounts are w/ him,and my MOm lives in ARkansas.(bordering Texas)I do still own my property alone.I can sell the car(and run the risk of a "beater",which i will obviously HAVE to do.(i can make $2,000 off my car,less than what insurance co. gave me when the old one was totalled by his son. ($4,000).I will gain employment in Arkansas,and have lived here more than six months(can be proved).all retirement accounts are still in my name as a single person.
He is currently "backtracking" his threats,but i want to be prepared,should this come up again(as i see it likely to)...also,wouldnt the fact that i would be thrown out of the home when emergency custody was sought of his daughter(against my knowledge?) be cohersion of marriage by force?Why would you be thrown out because of custody of his daughter? Your married, unless the court tells you to move out, you live there period.

You have been given great advice, but you seem to want to milk this site for more.Just wondering?

If you are TRULY wondering,then i will tell...I married the day AFTER emergency custody(was done allready,2 days in advance w/ out my knowledge)becouse i realized his little girl needed me there NOW more than ever(Moms b-friend had just been accused of abuse towards the daughter,and i was the ONLY person she trusted.I HANDLED ALL OF THE DETAILS.)Also,i had allready been engaged and living through the trial period(w/ its ups and downs...i knew that marriage had them).The day she was picked up from school and told of the changed custody,I was NOT married and had to live at a friends.I just kept thinking"why am i here?The FAMILY i have been in for the last 2 years NEEDS me!"
All of my responses seem to focus on me not working,when,actually..i work harder in this family than i did on my careerI would LOVE to go back to work(as i have been doing since I requested a work permit at 14 years old!)I was VERY apprehensive to quit my job of 9 years and move here,but he stayed constant on how much i was needed and missed(as a wife and mother).If i take a job right now,nobody will take up the slack,and the daughter in question will SURELY fail school(as she may allready).
Anyone responding,please STOP treating me like a "freeloader"...its NOT my bag!Im involved w/ a family w/ a LOT of serious emotional needs,and i have lovingly taken the position of healer and helper(A.K.A. wife and mother) on(at this point,at my own expense). THAT is why i continue to ask questions,not "milk the website"...I am hurting too...

 

[djohnson]

Well welcome to a small portion of parenthood. It's a choice the rest of us make everyday. Do I stay at home and coddle my family's emotional needs, or do I go to work and feed my family's hungry belly? For most of us, we do what we can. You can't do it all. You make choices, you live with them. I think a lot of people's 'emotional needs' would go away if people stopped pointing it out to them.