Divorce/Child Custody

[jtrumble]

What is the name of your state? New Mexico
I have been married since October 25, 1999 and we now have a 18 month old daughter together. We live in New Mexico but are currently having a home built for us Texas. This relocation is about 10 hours from where we are located now. I want to file for divorce however I was told that I would not be allowed to move out of the state of New Mexico. I would like to continue with the contract on the house in TX and relocate after the divorce. I am the primary money maker and can afford this move. My 18 month old does not have any community ties, schooling and such to hold her in NM. However, my husband and his family are here. Do I even have a chance at getting the divorce, gaining custody of my daughter, and be able to relocate? I cannot stay in this marriage; do I have any options?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? New Mexico
I have been married since October 25, 1999 and we now have a 18 month old daughter together. We live in New Mexico but are currently having a home built for us Texas. This relocation is about 10 hours from where we are located now. I want to file for divorce however I was told that I would not be allowed to move out of the state of New Mexico. I would like to continue with the contract on the house in TX and relocate after the divorce. I am the primary money maker and can afford this move. My 18 month old does not have any community ties, schooling and such to hold her in NM. However, my husband and his family are here. Do I even have a chance at getting the divorce, gaining custody of my daughter, and be able to relocate? I cannot stay in this marriage; do I have any options?

If you split up now, plan to be living in New Mexico. The odds of you getting permission to move with the child are slim.

 

[jtrumble]

Still Hopeful

Thank you for your reply. I have had others suggest to me to stick it out till July when the relocation is done and file for divorce in Texas. Yes, this may seem like a logical thing to do if I would like to have the home I have been dreaming of, the perfect job, and a great area for my children to grow up (two other children involved from other marriage-have permission to move in their case). I just cannot imagine taking my husband away from his family to a different state and then filing for divorce. Plus, I would probably forced to sell the home anyway. The only good thing is that I would be in the state I need to be in, but wouldn't I have to live there for a set amount of time to even make that work?

 

[LdiJ]

Thank you for your reply. I have had others suggest to me to stick it out till July when the relocation is done and file for divorce in Texas. Yes, this may seem like a logical thing to do if I would like to have the home I have been dreaming of, the perfect job, and a great area for my children to grow up (two other children involved from other marriage-have permission to move in their case). I just cannot imagine taking my husband away from his family to a different state and then filing for divorce. Plus, I would probably forced to sell the home anyway. The only good thing is that I would be in the state I need to be in, but wouldn't I have to live there for a set amount of time to even make that work?

You would have to be there for at least six months. Yes, it would be a stinky thing to do to your husband. Maybe you should consider counseling to try to save your marriage.

 

[jtrumble]

No Go!

My husband refuses to try counseling. This subject has been brought up many times in the past. Seperation is also out of the question for him. He states, "If we are seperated then we are divorced." I really have been trying to fix things and save this marriage but he is not making it easy. My middle child (his step-daughter) is almost at her breaking point. He is emotionally and verbally abusive and it has been reported to me by his family members and my children he can be physically abusive too. I suffer from the mental and verbal abuse, he has only tried the physically thing once with me (and learned quickly this does not fly with me). I have been trying to talk the middle child into enrolling in the Military School here in New Mexico, which she would love to do (for the education and to get away from him) but now she is too afraid to leave her baby sister. She explained to me, "Mom she is just a baby and he is mean to her too!"
I really am not a mean person but I have thought about the relocation, but I really don't think I can take it another six months after July without a prescription for mega doses of Ativan!

 

[LdiJ]

My husband refuses to try counseling. This subject has been brought up many times in the past. Seperation is also out of the question for him. He states, "If we are seperated then we are divorced." I really have been trying to fix things and save this marriage but he is not making it easy. My middle child (his step-daughter) is almost at her breaking point. He is emotionally and verbally abusive and it has been reported to me by his family members and my children he can be physically abusive too. I suffer from the mental and verbal abuse, he has only tried the physically thing once with me (and learned quickly this does not fly with me). I have been trying to talk the middle child into enrolling in the Military School here in New Mexico, which she would love to do (for the education and to get away from him) but now she is too afraid to leave her baby sister. She explained to me, "Mom she is just a baby and he is mean to her too!"
I really am not a mean person but I have thought about the relocation, but I really don't think I can take it another six months after July without a prescription for mega doses of Ativan!

You can petition for permission to relocate, but you just might lose custody to your husband.

 

[jtrumble]

You can petition for permission to relocate, but you just might lose custody to your husband.

This is going to sound silly, but here it goes...Can a person petition for permission to relocate; however, if petition is not granted said person would remain in place with custody?

 

[Silverplum]

This is going to sound silly, but here it goes...Can a person petition for permission to relocate; however, if petition is not granted said person would remain in place with custody?

Seems like you want it your way, or just about no way.

 

[tuffbrk]

He is emotionally and verbally abusive and it has been reported to me by his family members and my children he can be physically abusive too. I suffer from the mental and verbal abuse, he has only tried the physically thing once with me (and learned quickly this does not fly with me). I have been trying to talk the middle child into enrolling in the Military School here in New Mexico, which she would love to do (for the education and to get away from him) but now she is too afraid to leave her baby sister. She explained to me, "Mom she is just a baby and he is mean to her too!"

So - OTHER people have to tell you that he's physically abusive? You haven't seen any evidence of that? You've never had an issue with him and the kids? You're recommending that your middle child attend military school to get away from HIM? But she's too scared to leave her younger sister?! And yet you don't want to be "mean" and take him away from his family?!

Get real...something here smells like blarney.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thank you for your reply. I have had others suggest to me to stick it out till July when the relocation is done and file for divorce in Texas. Yes, this may seem like a logical thing to do if I would like to have the home I have been dreaming of, the perfect job, and a great area for my children to grow up (two other children involved from other marriage-have permission to move in their case). I just cannot imagine taking my husband away from his family to a different state and then filing for divorce. Plus, I would probably forced to sell the home anyway. The only good thing is that I would be in the state I need to be in, but wouldn't I have to live there for a set amount of time to even make that work?

This doesn't make sense. Why would you be forced to sell the home anyway? If you keep the house after a divorce you will be forced to refinance it and buy him out of his share of the equity.